It's a bit nippy in the flat this evening, nothing terrible but made for a slightly too cold bathroom experience. I've donned big Bertha the super soft dressing gown but I think I might have peaked too soon and I'm getting quite warm now.

I was getting petrol and a car the same as mine was at the pump behind. I was waiting for the girl at the till to ring it up so I said there's my stunt double. She looked out and said "I play that game with a friend. It doesn't have to be exactly the same because they're not meant to look identical"

My uncle is coming on Saturday and they are bringing their spaniel and this is what I imagine is going to happen.

There's flats behind and to the left of me, and I somehow always manage to go on the balcony or stick my head out the window when one of them is out the back of their flat having a cigarette. I feel like they might think I'm stalking them. I wonder how many fag breaks they have where I don't appear.

Operation surprise birthday part 1 is going badly. We're so close to the deadline of dad's friend arriving at the door but also a bit too far to stall him much longer as he wants to go out (he never wants to go out).

This 'ScooberDoom" doznot impress me

This is Herman. He learned how to eat corn on the cob today. And within 11 seconds, he became an expert. 13/10 (TT: devonjohnson07)

Mark that down as the first that-was-a-bit-nippy-in-the-bathroom shower of the season. #AW2025

Photo 1: Raccoon planning its night of chaosing and perhaps World domination. *notices camera is on* Photo 2: "It is I, your friendly, benevolent, totally not an Agent of Chaos, raccoon.

Another fine Facebook memory. I was finding it for ages.

Who robbed the Louvre? Right answers only

Films: We need to hack a keycard, obtained by seducing one of the guards. We then need to drop in from the skylight after jumping from a plane, and dodge all of the lasers and traps, carefully switching the jewels for fakes that weigh the same to avoid tripping the alarm. Real life:

Here are some harvest mice we saw at the Sea Life Centre in the Lake District. Obviously.

I'm going in on the pilot episode of #Moonlighting

Who robbed the Louvre? Right answers only

Cranky. It's goose o'clock again. Gazillions of the things. #honk Hang on a minute, they're all coming back again. Somebody at the front must've taken the wrong turn.

Louvre robbery. French police release image of suspect.

I had a very disappointing toastie at a garden centre on Friday that claimed it came with crisps but it actually came with tortilla chips. I kind of feel like I was cheated by this, they are not the same thing. They aren't the same, are they?

Next weekend we have not one but two separate surprise family visits on both days. At least my cousin got engaged the other day so my mum can coo over them because my sister and I are both failures in all of life's landmarks.

Without downloading where are you mentally right now?

"...bad language and some distressing scenes" I think we can all remember what sort of distressing scenes they are going to be. #Eurotrash

This evening my haunted pineapple is joined by the haunted storm glass.

Don't forget my leeeetle chums

We're off out for a curry in a bit. Because it was quite warm when I left the house this morning and I was in a flap I have failed to bring a cardigan to go with my evening top. I'm praying it's not gonna be Baltic cold in the restaurant. Hundopercent going to end up sat by the door.

I usually make Victoria sponge for Mother's Day, Father's Day birthdays etc. I thought for my mum's birthday I would make coffee cake. It's a disaster. I've bought it round anyway and find out my dad's been to the bakery and bought a coffee and walnut cake. I don't even like coffee cake.

My colleague and her husband fell asleep during Traitors last night. She said oh it's ok we finished it this morning. Who gets up before driving their kid to primary school and watches Traitors?!

Seen in waitroseses tonight.

Well what's 5 minutes later going into work eh... #BBCR2 WOULDN'T IT BE NIIIIIIIIIIIIIICE!!!

I got up early this morning to go to Lidl to get some lettuce and peppers for my salad and my favourite song Show Me Love by Robin S was on the radio! #blessed

Happy birthday Lincoln! The 👑 of Sea Pups is turning 8

"I might just get some fresh air" Cut to image of everybody sitting outside looking completely windswept against their will. #CelebrityTraitors

I just sat down to speed watch Traitors from tonight because the people in my office will spoil it tomorrow, and then the haunted shower just freaked me out. You'd think I'd be used to the random dripping by now.

I've come to ASDA well early. This is going to be awful i bet. People bring their kids to ASDA like it's soft play. Pray for me. 🛒🙏

I found this picture in my camera roll and I couldn't figure out why I had a picture of my feet at what I thought was the car park at work, it was a Shell petrol station and for some reason somebody's been eating After Eights pumping their unleaded.

Final Destination had nothing on British public information films.

I had no idea this was the original version of I can see clearly now. And I've just blown my own mind by finding out that Jimmy Cliff only recorded it for the cool runnings soundtrack in 1993, I feel like my life is a lie.

I have no idea how it's come in but I have what I think is a large moth (or butterfly) in the flat. It was in the kitchen, it wouldn't let me catch it, and now it has waited until I've got in bed and it's come to find me.

Saw a man towing a pumpkin. Too many shapes and colours to ignore, so I asked if I could take photos. “Ignore me. Just keep towing; it’s the shape of the pumpkin in the wagon I like” I explained. He has just won first prize at the village show. - Congratulations - Thank you. I am very happy

Ooohhh big stretch

Without saying The Matrix, Fav Keanu Reeves Film? Point Break. Dude.

If anyone is at a loose end in 10 minutes Great Mystery on Freeview channel 50 is showing one of the top five Murder She Wrote episodes. "Who threw the Barbitals in Mrs Fletcher's chowder?"

Make sure you have the sound on for a little treat.

In honour of spooky month, share a 4 word horror story that only someone in your profession would understand. "DHL didn't show up"

God love Kew, this is incredible

Very discombobulated. I left work early to drop my sister off, then we went to mini tesco which is awful, then to the other shop because Tesco non club card prices are too much. Dropped my sister off, claimed my 4 slices of fresh bakery bread and now have no idea what day it is or what time it is.

We've reached a truce. He's looking at puffins on channel 5 and I've turned the light off while he was absorbed.

My dad has got the big light on and I'm taking that as an act of war. He won't turn it off as he "likes to see". He can't tell me what he's wanting to see except the telly which has its own lights.

This coffee shop has a WALL OF DOGS 🥰

Stand down everyone. www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

The building entrance smells like holiday hotel breakfast restaurant. Weak sweet coffee.