Midi beast has asked quite a challenging question “if pushing your luck, means your being naughty, does pulling your luck mean you’re being really good?” Blinks out of sync.”how hard do you think my bite is?” I’ve come out with the wrong child. Our energy is to similar, it can only result in chaos.

I’m so proud. I’ve reached the “embarrassing my children in Tescos” level of parenting. If Mummy wants to be a dinosaur in the beans aisle, I’ll be a dinosaur.

Every time I think “fuck it, ima go get my septum pierced” the universe gifts me a particularly bad head cold/horrendous hay fever, just to remind me why hat would suck for at least 3 months out of the year…I’ll probably still do it. As I don’t learn lessons.

Will my work let me stay at part time hours, or will I have to go back to full time? Dunno, but I’ve submitted the request anyway, let’s see how I get on.

Just one more… is the most frequent lie to fall from my mouth. Big fat lying liar who lies.

An elevator reveal that everyone can get behind.

When your kid decides it would be really funny to blow a rape whistle inside the car…it’s a good thing I love you little chaos goblin.

Iron Lung is a certificate 15, and we cannot get the midi beastie to understand that it doesn’t matter how much he wants it, we cannot make the cinema let him in to watch it. That is not the kind of power Mama possess darlin.

Just for my own personal head fuckery. This is the view of the elevator doors at my work today…I am most enjoying the hand print positioning.

Somehow, this song feels pertinent. youtu.be/uhG-vLZrb-g

It’s giving Prince of Darkness energy. You spend a chunk of the film going “who the fuck is that coming out of the church?” And then the reveal. I love it so much!

Sharks are all called Geoff. All the Geoff stickers have been stolen from my sticker jar. I can’t find the will to be angry. Not when I hear a chorus of voices screaming “Geoff” whenever a shark is spotted. I don’t know what Capabaraa’s are called, no doubt I’ll find out when the new stickers arrive

What’s that? Your class have been badly behaved so you aren’t bringing them round? I can carry on listening to The Dollop and cataloguing books unhindered? Ohh no. So sad for me.

A thought has just wriggled its way into my brain. Are Anne Summers parties still a thing?

Bumped into another Go fan at uni today. So obviously we took the opportunity to burble at each other like the good lil girlies we are. Anyway, she has a theory, that if Gabriel and Beelzebub were back, Bee would have a different face again. 3 seasons, 3 faces. I kinda like that idea.

A red lip will make you feel like a baddy all day, and i need to physically embody the attitude problem that resides within me.

It’s Burns night, and HSB is not happy. He had a rant about how much he hates the Bard. We’re from Burns country, if you say that shit out loud a burns super will manifest around you and you’ll be forced to toast the lassies. Literally. Over flames.

Got a new Bowler hat! I had one for years and it disappeared. I loved that bloody hat. I mourned its loss, but today, I found its replacement. Can never find hats big enough for my massive frickin head, so this was a unicorn moment😊

I did good. I went to the post office. I mailed parcels. I took the beasties to buy DVDs, and didn’t loose my shit once. I’m growing as a person.

To make sure I actually go to the post office I had to tell my kids I’ll take them to their favourite shop, so their pestering will be unbearable and I’ll actually go.

New nails and a bonus Benny

Over the holidays, mini beastie lost his front teeth. Whys it so cute when littles are missing Those two teeth? He shines with mischief when he scrunches up his nose and that gap appears between his lips, and when He talks it emphasises the faint Lisp he already has. Adorable. Don’t eat him Hedda

The laundry pile in the hallway is getting so big it’ll need its own postcode and tv license soon. Can’t even just set it alight, there could be hedgehogs hibernating in there!

You know that #3 is gonna provoke much wailing and gnashing of teeth right? Cause there’s no way they aren’t gonna torment the absolute shit out of us. Ohh the…

The duvet of many tog, it is a slumbering beast. This may seem obvious. It conforms to its purpose, but it sleeps in the day. When we are gone from home and harth. By night it wakes, and seeks to take me at rest. It smothers me, slowly, like a boiling frog, cooked by my own body heat.

Me: can we watch something other than YouTube videos? HSB: says you. You only watch one show. Me: not true HSB: name another one Me:…Steven Universe HSB: of course Me: what the fuck does that mean?

HSB: can you help me sort out my reciepts Me: yeah sure This is hour four of Me going Through three years worth of receipts, notes, post-its and unopened mail. Do You know what would fix this problem? Fire!

Watching Paddington 2, Spoilers. I have to say, I am always impressed by how long film makers reckon folk can hold their breath underwater for. I always try to play along, and inevitably the need for oxygen comes along far sooner than my Ability to save a bear from a submerged circus train.

Another quiet Monday evening. Helping the midi beastie hide his critter (yes from the 1986 classic) round the supermarket.

This is a kids book…this cover/title is not giving me kids book vibes. Or have I just read Wayyyyyy to much smut?

I have broken out the “contempt” face far too early this morning.

We thought we were being ohh so clever. We needed a new duvet, so bought the highest tog Tesco had to offer, to warm us on these winter nights. Nae nae, the tog number merely implies the proficiency with which the duvet shall smother you. Heavy and soft, it will sooth you to that final long sleep.

Why does meal prep give me the boak? The notion of eating a meal that’s been sitting in the fridge for 5 days shudders me, and there’s no good reason for it. Am I alone? Are other people weirded out by meal prep?

lunches made, school clothes ready, wet clothes drying, Dishes done, Clapped the dug. Having a sit down. The computer screen glows glarefully at me. Laptop: when did you last update the peen tree fic? Me: Sep…September Laptop: and it’s now… Me: January Laptop:🤨 Me: I’m doing it, I’m doing it!

Marquee TV…is it worth it? I have National Theatre at Home, but I am Also a gluten.

OK ok ok would art help? We're going to get more of this. Soon. #Goodomens #goodomensfanart #traditionalart

My my, but this is a ton of fun, and I’m only 50 pages in.

Question, season 2, how long was it between them actually launching the advertising, and the show airing? (I dunno how you spell that) asking for a less observant friend, certainly not me being Completely dited.

Did you know that diabetics digest food slower than non diabetics? Yeah, neither did I. So despite being a good girl, and sticking to the rules, I gotta go back for another endoscopy! Boo and hiss! Though they did say what they did see was very good…where’s my gold star?!

Check out ma sexy hospital gooney. Nobody told me I’d need a cannula. Mildly freaking out.

My smallest beastie is 6 today. You’ve been the most fabulous menace since day one my tiny terrorist. Sassy af and with a wicked laugh, carry on being the best you my darling.

Dr when child is sick: no dairy, it’ll just make him vomit more. Me: gotcha, no dairy for my sweet baba Dr when I am sick with same virus: don’t forget, no dairy. Me: Ha, you’re not the boss of me. Milk is creamy goodness for my sore tum tum… No. It is not. I pray to a porcelain god now.

Have just been treated to the midi beast reenacting (with props and improvised costumes) the opening 20/15 minutes of the original Grinch Cartoon. He knew every. Single. Word. It’s like the Gruffalo all over again.

Rocky Horror, my beloved! First Hen Night I’ve been on in nearly a decade, twas grand fun. And the no hangover streak continues! Huzza!

I Would like to thank my tits for shrinking somewhat so I have room in the bra to stash all the stuff I don’t have room in my bag for today.

One of the best things about Fridays is the oldest beastie does cookery at school. Turns out he’s not half bad at it. Today he brought home chicken and rice soup and cheese scones. So I know what I’ll be eating when I fall through the door tomorrow night after a hen do. “Wine and soup for mama!”

When it’s so cold your tits return to their original form! My you’re looking perky today girls, keep up the good works.

When you start in a new book and 3 pages in you realise you need a highlighter and some sticky notes, cause the writing is just to pretty and you know you need easy access to gorgeous words.

I would like to thank @texacilian.bsky.social for reminding me of how fucking funny Letterkenny is. A wee rewatch is in progress. Though the snorting giggles have sent Lego pieces flying a few times. Don’t build Lego and make with the funnies at the same time folks. Injuries will occur.

3/4 essays returned. 2 merits, 1 pass. Just waiting on the worst of the bunch to come back, and that will be term 1 officially done and dusted. The fear tastes like liquorice.