i kinda wanna post about ‘the event’ but i know mentioning that name will get me potentially seen and banned by the normal people. i’ll just say tee hee and be on with it

i hate when i go into the spiralling where i either maintain or gain a small amount of weight rather than the spiral and look like a horror movie extra with protruding bones and uncut fingernails

week long fast done. COUNT IT!

extending the fast by a bit because i realised the potential, 168 hour fast is now 169 hour fast, 4 minutes and 20 seconds, because the funny numbers were just waiting for me

feeling very physically weak but how it’s gonna make me feel to succeed is more than worth it

3/4s of the way there, the end is in sight

almost, almost

in my funemployment era, 168 hours sans food, im gonna get it

sorry for being missing, i’ve been employed 😭

me when someone gives me the exact answer to any number between 1.51-1.90 squared too quickly

inside you are two wolves, one is a perfectionist, the other tells you your achievements and drive is not concentrated enough to let you be labeled a perfectionist

down 2.7kgs in a week, need to keep going

pitching my brilliant idea to my bf

if you follow me and want a follow back lmk! mdni obvi

fasting with a lot of caffeine is AN EXPERIENCE

35…. am i cooked? 🥲

who needs body horror when just having a body is horror enough?

day 5 of italy, final day (early flight tomorrow. had 10 strawberries, some breadsticks, a little bowl of oats, chia seeds and nuts and an aperol spritz feeling better about today than yesterday at least. back to knowing the calories in everything again :)

idk how because i’ve been taking my pills even more consistently than usual but i think im going slightly hypomanic, doubled my sleeping pill dose and no signs of sleep at 1am

italy day 4, has 10 tiny dry brown toast things, 4 with preserves on, some peanuts (50-60g) l, seaweed, 5 small avocado sushi, soba noodles with veg (not a big portion), some sauces, a glass of wine, some sake and a limoncello. ate so much, too much, i’m a failure

italy day 3, ate like 10 rice cakes (basically the only vegan stuff they had), 4 with some fruit preserves on it, a risotto with radicchio, some bread with olive oil (the restaurant oil was from olives grown 3km away so i wanted to taste the absolute fresh stuff) and 60% of a bottle of red wine.

italy day 2, due to some annoying train stuff we got in to the place we’re staying after all the restaurants closed, had an espresso, 4-5 salted crisps, about 60-75g of peanuts and a passion fruit cocktail

italy day 1, had some very lovely tomato pasta that i know was laden with oil and a big glass of local lombard wine (was good) but lots of movement, i’m afraid the next few days will be more sedentary

going to the land of olive oil and pasta… excited but also aaaaaa

11k run and i feel like jelly

my ed potentially saved a life, out on a walk at 1am i see a dog and sit with her next to a fairly busy road trying to get someone to pick her up when suddenly someone came up to me to say she was their’s

made lebanese food

the simultaneous joy and horror of looking at places to live in another country

job interview in one minute wish me luck

need to go for a run, if ive not replied to this with a "i ran" post in about 3 hours, tell me im dumb

got an offer to a masters program in another country and the first thing that came to my mind was that i need to be sk1nny by then because im gonna meet a whole new group of people who will never know i was anything other than tiny

not to be dramatic but i would destroy entire nations to have a tiny waist

gonna go back in time but still be disordered so i get canonised as a saint for my asceticism

filling out a DBT thing, it is very BPD questionnaire coded. istg i don’t need another acronym to add to my list 🥲

i found an eeting dizorder worksheet i got from the hospital, its kinda cringeworthy ngl

listening to a podcast and the topic of ‘boy moms’ came up and the phrase “some mothers love their sons and raise their daughters” came up and aaaaaaaaaaaaaa

currently in the sweetest space in the world, the time between consuming a lot of coffee where i have the energy burst but before i need to poop

i run’d:) they didn’t have what i came for :( means i’ve for another excuse to go some other time :)

body not running cold in hot weather is a special circle of hell

good morning, today we’re running a lot and hoping jobs ring me to say they want to give me money

b$ky is much better at being on top of the overtly awful stuff that goes on here but i feel like their policies are so stringent that its hard to build communities, a post thats like "interact lemon bluesky 21+ people" for moot collection would probably get susd out and everyone would be gone :(

today is a good day to start a streak of perfection

had snacks that were off plan but if i dont make dinner, it means i might waste food cause i buy stuff in advance... like... i ate too much but i feel bad just letting the spinach wait in the fridge but the c@ls are just... aaa

had 4 digestive biscuits 🥲 they’re not even tasty, just crunchy, i took tiny bites out of them like a little hamster. ugh not worth it

hey moots, how was your day? hope it was nice

good morning everyone!! how are we 💕 i avoided sleep because ive got commitments to meet. hope your days all go very well

i woke up without rib pain today!!!!! (so far) runs to resume on monday if its still gone

i’ve got a blue butterfly tattoo that is very visible on my body, other than people who know my silly ed, nobody has asked/accused it of being related to that, i really wanna be skinny enough so that people start to think

4:41am... aaaa.

i wonder if i was born in the 14th century would i be viewed as some kind of ascetic that gets canonised for fa$ting to de@th