some people say that Portland is burning to the ground, others say it isn’t. who’s to say what’s true or false? we’re the newspaper

I dunno, we probably shouldn’t give too much credit to the guy who declared Gaza was his personal property and that he plans to eradicate its population to build a luxury golf resort

Tyler Perry's Lamestream Madea

when Matt Reeves asks you to read his script for The Batman 2

if poor people had more money, would they be less poor? Wall Street Journal investigates…

the cool thing about an 82 minute movie is that as soon as it starts it’s already halfway over

most people don’t know this but I was the guy who jumped through the cake in the Guns n’ Roses November Rain video

Taylor Swift’s continued silence on the Cats butthole cut is unforgivable tbh

thank you to the local alt weekly for doing a poll on the best bodega in the city as if there are other things I’m looking for in a bodega besides “near my house”

very sorry to hear about Tom Segura's dismemberment at the Riyadh Comedy Festival

being stupid must be so awesome

there’s no such thing as coincidence

much better than skim or 2%

FIRST LOOK: Jimmy Kimmel's opening monologue at his first show back following suspension

true bravery would be remaking Tombstone with a character named Spider-man

Bluesky power user SLAMMED for claiming Rapture happened three blocks from where he lives

the Rapture actually did happen this morning but it was just one guy

when you’re about to go nuclear explaining raptures to some punk kid

tfw you’re personally responsible for providing 4k content for stephen miller’s spank bank

the natural enemy of the Pop Tart is the Hot Pocket. everybody says so

Stephen Miller Figures He Only 2-3 War Crimes Away From Earning Respect Of High School Classmates www.apartment3gazette.com/p/stephen-mi...

for 25 years I had to deal with the general public for my job, and I can confirm that most Americans couldn't tell you the difference between a president and a Pop Tart with a face drawn on it

same energy

they should invent a type of fascism that can't happen here

WaPost: Democracy Dies in Darkness With This One Weird Trick!

people are calling this the worst content of all time, but I actually thought the Fleshlight ad-read was entertaining

lol ok

fascist pig slaughtered

Pizza Hut Is Making Deep Dish Supreme Pizza The Right Way by Ezra Klein

I remain in my normal state. I am either waiting to eat pizza, eating pizza, or explaining how good the pizza I just ate was

Rollerball (1975)

according to my sources, Michael Crichton is definitely not doing this

time to send the military to occupy Utah and deport all white Christian gun owners, it’s the only way to protect this country

there should be a menswear guy but for telling me how long to keep my sideburns

the future we were promised

the truth is, all of us on Bluesky are taking this very hard

they say that if you want your dreams to come true, you should put them into the world, so I’m just going to say it: Mayonnaise Hospital

here’s why that’s bad for Joe Biden

begging to be added to the group chat where they discuss what sperm counts ought to be

it’s not too late to start a disinformation campaign to get Rfk jr to believe that this is what causes autism

(auditioning for Saturday Night Live) wait, what time do I get off of work ??

bringin back The Junk

horse amphetamines — now in lozenges!

sorry everybody, I thought I was writing in a private notes app but accidentally posted this on Bluesky. I hope I didn’t give anyone the impression that I’m using Star Wars Really Happened as a cynical money-making & power-grabbing endeavor — I’m a True Believer!!

Step 1: Convince enough people that Star Wars Really Happened Step 2: Turn Star Wars Really Happened into monetizable content Step 3: Declare Star Wars Really Happened a religion, stop paying taxes Step 4: Live forever

pretty sad that powerful people keep falling for the christianity scam without any evidence, but meanwhile refuse to acknowledge that Star Wars Really Happened despite many dozens of hours of footage

he’s right but only because there is no such thing as a self-respecting, diehard NFL fan, they are two diametrically opposed modes of existence