bad news buddy, they're making you fight in the Pervert Dome tomorrow

My boy is not excited about fall. My mans is meh about autumn.

Management is demanding we milk Brad from IT today. We are way behind on this project and we need his precious juices. Not a Brad fan but this decision feels rushed.

online i come across as a humble jamoke but i need you to know that in real life i'm actually a yearning simpleton

I know my house plants be bickering, that peace lily is just too cunty with it

My buddy Ben made an abacus using human teeth. I forgot to ask where he got the teeth - as I was just so impressed by the arithmetic operations of the device.

Steel yourselves, gentlemen, for tomorrow we don the Ass Hat.

Caught a blistering skin infection and a vicious fungus from swimming in the slough - so yeah this summer was a success

you ever look into the forest and know for a fact Predator is watching you?

In high school I was reading a lot of Hemingway which inspired me to write "poop falls slowly from the butt" on the bathroom wall. It was likely the best post of my life.

a social media app is a great place for like-minded people to gather and feel anxious together

When experiencing extreme emotional distress a quirked up white boy may only be able to communicate in Deftones lyrics.

inhaling particulates is perfectly fine. some of us actually thrive on lunge sludge ok

Brother, you need to make Ham a priority.

Happy sinister thursday to those that celebrate

I studied at the Institute Le Urine under the instruction of the renowned Professor John Peepee, so ya, pal, I know how to take a freakin' whizz

The Grand Dummy thinks you might have what it takes to excel in the Order of the Jamoke. He cordially invites you to our temple's Chump Day this weekend.

This owl just let me get super close, looked me right in the eyes and quietly - purposefully - whispered, "you're a cunt."

We found Craig from IT eating handfuls of soil in the break room again. Management won't do anything though. He is a protected class - too mineral-rich to touch.

my henchmen are plotting. the air is filled with mutiny and dander

I went to the Erotic Grocery on the liberal side of town and they had an entire isle dedicated to celery, the least sensual member of the allium family, smdh

We appreciate the abundance (of slime) we enjoy this summer offering (of fetid ooze)

birb update - the Brood Rises

the Creatures are Emerging 😬

It's hard out here for a pimp

My neighbor sent me this pic - the great horned owlet is being fed a steady diet - of baby ducks... damn nature why you so mean 😔 why you gotta be this way 😭

For some people the human butt is a kind of treasure. A fleshy, precious substance.

Well 2 more chickens died of spring whimsy, and brother Cecil has a terrible case of Moon Penis, but Pa reckons we'll make it through to the next harvest 'cause his plums have the tickle. Which he takes as the surest sign of providence but could well be the cancer come back.

women over 25 only want one thing - rare earth minerals

The steller's Jay chicks continue to thrive. One day they will be like their parents - loud, obnoxious - downright wicked and unlikable ✨️

found a map behind the local Arby's that shows the path to the Pervert Hut... 🤔

Pretty sure that if we sliced you open you'd be filled with tasty seeds, like a pomegranate, not reeking nasty guts. Fairly confident about this.

This world has me confused - downright befuddled

Honestly I'm not even that big of a pervert I just enjoy leering

Momma and 2 baby great horned owls - I'm offering them mice and a carafe of pepsi - hoping to form an alliance 🤞

U.S. aircraft carriers dropping planes into the ocean makes me feel better about all those times I pooped in the lake.

You have been invited to jamoke chat - do you accept?

Babe I'm attracted to your lumps and protrusions because you're unique and beautiful not because I'm a starving Phrenologist addicted to the game.

If some of the cutest animals could be taught to say "hey fuck you, buddy" humans would begin to cherish and respect nature again.

Found some fresh Junco babies. They almost look delicious? Like warm fuzzy grapes? Jk I'm not gonna eat them... unless 😳

Does everyone's snot taste the same?

my youngest son - a lovable dullard - refuses to take any of this seriously

The human animal is capable of experiencing nearly endless amounts of embarrassment in a single lifetime.

This guy made 'muck' his whole deal, his entire personality 🙄

Once I crapped my pants so bad they became haunted. Literally possessed by evil. I would throw them away and the next morning I would be wearing them again - filled with reeking crap. Anyway I hope everyone is having a nice Friday.

For now we only need to feed the AI machine electricity, data and silly little questions. But how long until it wants to kiss me? Slowly at first, feeling my strong chest against its synthetic flesh. How long until it lustily unzips my pants, its hot data port searching, longing, for my erect, throb

Stop by my booth this Saturday at the farmers market, i have a bunch of sticks that look like boners

Reaping the bounty of spring (boogers, endless pollen coated boogers)

Scrambling through the leaf litter with my myriapod bros, straight scuttling freaky style

A feral millennial, who I assume was hopped up on Celsius and Zyn, told me "diarrhea is a state of mind"