Executive Order: I'm firing the Girl Scouts. I clearly said 'no peanut butter', and I've lost confidence in their leadership.

Executive Order: celebrating St. Patrick’s Day is fine. That’s not one we’re upset about. I already have one of the hats.

Executive Order: Make the pants even shorter. I hate that kiss ass.

Executive Order: Welcome to our 52nd State, The Villages.

Executive Order: The mask bans are going so well. Everyone loves them. I'm adding a soap ban. Nasty stuff. Nobody likes it.

Executive Order: Lot of buzz about Droit du seigneur. I don't speak German fluently yet, so I wouldn't know, but a lot of buzz. Looking into it.

Executive Order: If you like your gas stove, you're going to love the coal ovens we're bringing back. It's going to be amazing. Absolutely incredible. Everyone loves them.

Executive Order: Is this thing on? I'm outlawing bras. Hah, just kidding. Unless you're going to do it.

Executive Order: No more kids in the White House. They smell bad, and not in the fun way.

Executive Order: I really like Diet Coke. Can I get another Diet Coke? Hurry it up. Jesus.

Executive Order: Have you tried golf. It's a wonderful sport. A really wonderful sport. You have 48 hours to comply.

Executive Order: Happy Days was a hell of a show. A hell of a show. Anyway, yes, we've deported Henry Winkler.

Executive Order: banning court orders, double no-takebacks.

Executive Order: Welcoming our newest State, East Dakota!

Executive Order: Recurring credit card charges are no longer disputable.

Executive Order: Removing California Condors from the endangered species list, as this gives them an unfair advantage over Oklahoma Condors.

Executive Order: Deporting Mark Cuban to Mexico.

Executive Order: Banning Denzel Washington. He just makes me uncomfortable.

Executive Order: Disbanding the Justice League.