LaffGaff
@laffgaff.com
📤 24
📥 42
📝 466
Official account of LaffGaff.com, the home of fun and laughter. Enjoy our daily dad jokes!
I lost my restaurant job because I couldn’t slice the condiments properly. I just didn’t cut the mustard.
#funny
#jokes
#dadjokes
about 23 hours ago
0
0
0
My grandfather used to say, “Time heals all wounds.” Lovely man. Awful paramedic.
#funny
#jokes
#dadjokes
2 days ago
0
0
0
I’ve had the same recurring dream every night since Thursday, where I’m a horse just running around. That’s three nights on the trot.
#funny
#jokes
#dadjokes
3 days ago
0
0
0
Welcome to Assumptions Anonymous. I think we all know why we’re here.
#funny
#jokes
#dadjokes
4 days ago
0
1
0
If you want a job in the moisturizer industry, the best advice I can give… Is to apply daily.
#funny
#jokes
#dadjokes
5 days ago
0
0
0
Did you hear about the guy who swallowed a lamp? He just wanted a light snack.
#funny
#jokes
#dadjokes
6 days ago
0
0
1
What do you call a midsize vehicle with four wheels, a flat bed in back, that hops off the ground about once every 20-30 seconds? A hiccup truck.
#funny
#jokes
#dadjokes
7 days ago
0
0
0
I took a tour of the soda museum. It ended with a pop quiz.
#funny
#jokes
#dadjokes
8 days ago
0
0
1
A philosopher never sits down at work. Stands to reason.
#funny
#jokes
#dadjokes
9 days ago
0
0
0
I’ve been off work all week because my pet cow is sick. My boss thinks I’m milking it.
#funny
#jokes
#dadjokes
10 days ago
0
0
0
To the person that keeps stealing my scissors: Will you cut it out?
#funny
#jokes
#dadjokes
11 days ago
0
0
0
I keep turning the TV on half way through a frame of snooker. I just can’t get a break.
#funny
#jokes
#dadjokes
12 days ago
0
0
0
Three days ago, my son went upstairs to practice his keyboard. I haven’t seen him synth.
#funny
#jokes
#dadjokes
13 days ago
0
0
0
What do you call someone who can't stop watching films with strong female leads? A heroine addict.
#funny
#jokes
#dadjokes
14 days ago
0
0
0
I love my new hobby, archery… it’s great. But there are a lot of drawbacks.
#funny
#jokes
#dadjokes
15 days ago
0
0
0
After years of research, I finally figured out the secret to a healthy lawn: sprinkle protein powder on the wet morning grass. The discovery was whey over dew.
#funny
#jokes
#dadjokes
16 days ago
0
1
0
I told my plants I love them. Now they’re rooting for me.
#funny
#jokes
#dadjokes
17 days ago
0
0
0
I came second in a star naming contest. Got a constellation prize.
#funny
#jokes
#dadjokes
18 days ago
0
1
0
I connected my new phone to the cloud. Then I started getting mist calls.
#funny
#jokes
#dadjokes
19 days ago
0
0
0
Do you know what’s great about orcas? They do a killer whale impression.
#funny
#jokes
#dadjokes
20 days ago
0
0
0
How did the hammerhead shark do on his math test? He nailed it.
#funny
#jokes
#dadjokes
21 days ago
0
0
0
Why do novice pirates make terrible singers? Because they can’t hit the high seas.
#funny
#jokes
#dadjokes
22 days ago
0
0
0
What did the judge say to the dentist when he went for an extraction? I want you to remove the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.
#funny
#jokes
#dadjokes
23 days ago
0
0
0
My friend swears she can smell freshly baked Indian bread from a mile away. I told her that’s naan scents.
#funny
#jokes
#dadjokes
24 days ago
0
0
0
I saw the world’s largest egg this week. That will take some beating.
#funny
#jokes
#dadjokes
25 days ago
0
0
0
A friend is allergic to escaping prison. He breaks out in a rash.
#funny
#jokes
#dadjokes
26 days ago
0
0
0
A new tennis player goes to the library and asks for books about aces. “No way”, says the librarian, “You won’t return them.”
#funny
#jokes
#dadjokes
27 days ago
0
0
0
To celebrate our engagement, I wanted to take my fiancée out on an epic adventure in Antarctica. Unfortunately she got cold feet.
#funny
#jokes
#dadjokes
28 days ago
0
0
0
My friend has been engaged over 5 times but never married. That's a lot of near Mrs.
#funny
#jokes
#dadjokes
29 days ago
0
0
0
I got asked to leave a hall of mirrors yesterday. I said, “Don’t worry, I’ll see myself out.”
#funny
#jokes
#dadjokes
30 days ago
0
0
0
I lost my job as the rodent keeper at the zoo. No more Mr Mice guy.
#funny
#jokes
#dadjokes
about 1 month ago
0
1
0
The Pope recently contracted the bird flu. They say he got it from one of the cardinals.
#funny
#jokes
#dadjokes
about 1 month ago
0
0
0
You really think you can stop me from telling jokes about electricity? You and watt army?
#funny
#jokes
#dadjokes
about 1 month ago
0
0
0
Why did the meatballs tell the spaghetti to go to sleep? It was pasta bedtime.
#funny
#jokes
#dadjokes
about 1 month ago
0
0
0
I've invented a container which when poured, plays cool jazz music. It's a hip flask.
#funny
#jokes
#dadjokes
about 1 month ago
0
0
0
Where does a magic scientist work? In a labracadabratory.
#funny
#jokes
#dadjokes
about 1 month ago
0
0
0
I suggested to my wife that we go to the bar separately to relive our first date. So I walked over to her and asked, "Hi, can I buy you a drink?" She said, "Get lost, I'm not falling for that again!"
#funny
#jokes
#dadjokes
about 1 month ago
0
0
0
I think the local police horse has a dodgy shoe. It's going good clop, bad clop.
#funny
#jokes
#dadjokes
about 1 month ago
0
0
0
I'm annoyed that my new bubble wrap suit hasn't gone down well. Everyone is having a pop at me.
#funny
#jokes
#dadjokes
about 1 month ago
0
0
0
What travels along your washing line at 100 miles per hour? Honda pants.
#funny
#jokes
#dadjokes
about 1 month ago
0
0
0
I dreamed someone was shouting "On your marks... Get set..." I woke with a start.
#funny
#jokes
#dadjokes
about 1 month ago
0
0
0
What's the difference between a teacher and a railway security guard? One trains the mind, the other minds the trains.
#funny
#jokes
#dadjokes
about 2 months ago
0
0
0
What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots? Tyrannosaurus Tex.
#funny
#jokes
#dadjokes
about 2 months ago
0
0
0
Where do Volkswagens go to retire? The old volks home.
#funny
#jokes
#dadjokes
about 2 months ago
0
0
0
Today we celebrate the patron saint of copying people on emails. Saint Francis of a CC.
#funny
#jokes
#dadjokes
about 2 months ago
1
2
1
In an interview, the boss asked me, “Do you have any experience?” I told him, “Yes, this is my 20th interview.”
#funny
#jokes
#dadjokes
about 2 months ago
0
0
0
A comma, a period and an exclamation mark were called into court. They were being sentenced.
#funny
#jokes
#dadjokes
about 2 months ago
0
0
0
I was given haggis as an in-flight meal once. I’ve had bad food before, but that was plane offal.
#funny
#jokes
#dadjokes
about 2 months ago
0
1
0
Superman inherited his X-ray ability from his family. He has parental super vision.
#funny
#jokes
#dadjokes
about 2 months ago
0
0
0
I’ve invented alphabet butter. Now I just need to spread the word.
#funny
#jokes
#dadjokes
about 2 months ago
0
0
0
Load more
feeds!
log in