How does a funeral director start his day? With his mourning coffee. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

Why did Darth Vader search the guitar shop? To find the hidden rebel bass. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

An anaesthetist friend of mine has just passed his exams. Next he has a passing out parade. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

I went to the bank to sort out my mortgage and got directed to someone dressed as a cowboy. I think he was the loan arranger. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

My mirror ball and my smoke machine stopped working. Guess I’ll have to call a disco tech to fix them. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

A friend is making me a burger for dinner. I'm relishing it. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

My wife said we need to stop traveling so much and start saving money. So I went by myself and saved 50%. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

I got fired on my first day as a car mechanic after I was asked to change a tire. They didn’t like that I went missing for an hour and came back in a three-piece suit. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

My favorite thing about tongue twisters? Hard to say… #funny #jokes #dadjokes

A truck load of Lego bricks has overturned on the freeway. Police say they don’t know what to make of it. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

Orange fizzy drinks are so much better when you put a piece of cinnamon into them. Fanta stick. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

I smashed a sheet of glass and I can’t find the last part. It’s a bit of a pane. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

I was in the kitchen and knocked over all the mince, rice and spices. It was chilli con carnage. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

I hate when people go on about their phobias. I’m terrified of heights but you won’t hear me shouting about it from the rooftops. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

I used to love doughnuts. But I got bored of the whole thing. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

My friend who is allergic to wax is amazing. No one can hold a candle to him. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

I didn’t think I’d fail my origami exam. But that’s just how things unfolded. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

I learnt everything I know about being a trapeze artist online. I couldn’t have done it without the net. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

A dictator complained fiercely about the neckwear he received. What a tie rant. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

Sad that the local archery business had to close. They weren’t hitting their targets. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

Today, I was conned into buying a broken old mirror. I'm afraid it's going to reflect poorly on me. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

I put some yeast in my broth. The results were soup rising. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

My anger management flyer blew out the car window yesterday. That’s when I totally lost it. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

People say that it takes years to learn how to manually replace a door bolt. But I think that’s just a locks myth. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

I think my pet crocodile is an amateur photographer. He’s a bit of a snapper. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

When I was a child, we had a clock made out of stone. Those were hard times. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

I survived a fall without a parachute. I’ve also survived a winter, spring and summer without one, too. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

I was driving along this lovely lane when I saw a sign saying “Man digging road”. I thought, “It’s cool, I’m digging it too, man”. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

I just got back from the annual Condiment Convention. It was nice to ketchup with old friends again. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

I’ve got a new job writing instruction booklets. It’s mainly manual labor. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

Who is the most accomplished camel-like composer? Llamadeus Mozart. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

I saw a plant cut into the shape of a skeleton today. It was a bone-sai tree. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

My calendar only has dates like the 1st, 3rd, 5th and 7th. It's very odd. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

My wife keeps blowing everything out of proportion. She is single-handedly ruining my balloon animal business. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

According to my friend in Moscow, Russian vodka has more alcohol than American vodka. But I'm still looking for the proof. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

Did you hear the joke about the broken submarine? It didn’t go down that well. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

What was the scariest dinosaur? A terror dactyl. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

I was looking good for a silver medal at the local cheese making contest. But then I fell at the final curdle. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

What do you call a romantic dinner on a hot air balloon? An update. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

What kind of music does a chiropractor listen to? Hip-Pop. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

What do you get when you cross a pig with a millipede? Bacon and legs. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

I recently bought a shire horse. My existing horse was too outgoing. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

What do you call a cheap vampire? Discount Dracula. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

I’m trying to figure out the reason why I have such difficulty operating my doorbell. I just can’t put my finger on it. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

A chicken and an egg walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Who’s first?” #funny #jokes #dadjokes

I shipped the bottom half of some mannequins in a used coffin once and they got lost. I knew I shouldn’t have put all my legs in one casket. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

I’m really angry someone nicked one of my Mr. Men books. That’s it, no more Mr. Nice guy. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

Pythagoras walks into a bar and says, “Which one is the hypotenuse?” The barman says “y, the long face.” #funny #jokes #dadjokes

I lost my restaurant job because I couldn’t slice the condiments properly. I just didn’t cut the mustard. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

My grandfather used to say, “Time heals all wounds.” Lovely man. Awful paramedic. #funny #jokes #dadjokes