What is a ghost pirate’s favorite kind of tea? Boo tea. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

I’ve crossed a lot of things off my to-do list today. I haven’t done any of them, l just don’t want them on my list anymore. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

What’s the difference between Saint George and Santa’s reindeer? One slays a dragon, the others are dragging a sleigh. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

What do you call a ventriloquist act with no puppets? A show of hands. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

What do hairdressers want to do whenever they get embarrassed? Curl up and dye. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

I’m so embarrassed about accidentally locking myself in a cabinet at the museum. I made a real exhibition of myself. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

One of the problems with making a salad is bland lettuce. It’s a problem that needs addressing. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

Sad to see the local sauna business has closed. It just ran out of steam. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

I quit my job as a butler in a mansion. I didn’t like being spoken to in that manor. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

How do you spot a secret agent? Give him measles. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

You can’t beat an egg based dessert. Am I right, or a meringue? #funny #jokes #dadjokes

Did you know that fish are a great source of omega 3, which is great for helping the brain function? Just some food for thought. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

My local farmer has a sign saying Do Not Touch The Fence. Not sure why, I just can’t put my finger on it. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

I didn’t realize I’d be so obsessed with a pirate if I ever met one, but as soon as we shook hands I was hooked. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

Accidentally bumped into a lady’s canoe today. She chased me for miles, yelling and screaming. Real case of rowed rage. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

I accidentally spilled a teapot on a friend’s face while he was carrying a plate of burgers. I guess brewed tea is in the eye of the beef holder. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

My friend is going to the lexicographers’ reunion. I’ve asked them to put a word in for me. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

I saw a weight-lifting bison. He was a buff fellow. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

I asked my wife how her day was. She said she wouldn’t tell me unless I make bread with her. Guess we’re on a knead to know basis. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

To the man that stole my highlighter, I will find you. You can mark my words. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

A guy goes to the doctor and says, “I keep seeing a werewolf, with big sharp teeth.” The doctor says, “Have you seen a psychiatrist?” The guy says, “No, just a werewolf.” #funny #jokes #dadjokes

What do you call a zombie who doesn’t joke around? Dead serious. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

My wife gave me an envelope with, “Not to be opened until 2027” on it. Inside was a list of reasons I cannot be trusted to follow simple instructions. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

My wife keeps sewing hidden microphones into my clothes. It really bugs me. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

What’s it called when a landscaper accidentally plants the wrong type of flower? An oopsie daisy. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

Last year I joined a support group for antisocial people. We haven’t met yet. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

Did you hear about the Mormon cat? It had nine wives. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

I’ve spent the whole day running around dressed as a zombie. I’m dead on my feet. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

Leather is rated based on its texture. Cows with abundant water sources have softer hides, rated A. But hides from cows living in hot, dry climates are D hide rated. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

I saw a white, fluffy thing swinging through my local cake shop. I think it must have been a meringue-utang. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

What do you call a zombie raffle? A dead giveaway. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

Why did the personal trainer send his client to the paint store? To get thinner. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

I know it’s a long shot but does anyone know what a trebuchet is? #funny #jokes #dadjokes

Why did the raisin go out with the prune? Because he couldn’t find a date. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

What do you call a well-balanced horse? Stable. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

How do you make an oak tree laugh? Tell acorny joke. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

I used to get Star Wars and Star Trek confused. Wookie mistake. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

What did the big flower say to the little flower? Hey, bud. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

What’s red, made of strawberries, and sucks your blood? A jampire. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

I love being covered in snot and honey. It’s the bees’ sneeze. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

My friend got arrested for impersonating a helium balloon. The police held him for a while and then let him go. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

I invented a boomerang with teeth. I should have known it would come back to bite me. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

Did you hear about the police gnome? He works in lawn enforcement. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

I made a movie about a glass jug. It was nominated for Best Pitcher. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

A king and queen walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, you're not 21." #funny #jokes #dadjokes

There are hailstones the size of golf balls hitting the windows here. We've got a hole in one. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

Did you hear about the aquatic sea mammals that escaped from the zoo? It was otter chaos. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

The security services actually have a Shakespeare Society. It's called Thespionage. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

I wanted to make sure I remembered everything I learned from lumberjack training. So I kept a log. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

Why does Santa enter houses through chimneys? Because they soot him. #funny #jokes #dadjokes