I was expecting my new knife to work well with meats. But it’s just not cutting it. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

I saw a group of pheasants and partridges dressed as clowns. I thought, "They're game for a laugh". #funny #jokes #dadjokes

How can you tell if a treasure map was written by a pirate chicken? Eggs marks the spot. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

I was in Bermuda recently, and I went to see their national orchestra playing. The guy with the triangle mysteriously disappeared. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

I am trying to sell a gate for free on eBay. There's no catch. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

It turns out my hospital gown matched my insurance. I thought I was covered but I wasn't. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

Imagine being a vampire and losing your fangs so you can't bite. That would just suck. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

I tried playing golf and all my tee shots went in a spiral. Apparently I shouldn't have used a screwdriver. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

A group of cleaners I know have started a surf rock band. The Bleach Boys. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

I took legal action once against someone who tried to copy my quantum luggage. It was an open and shut case. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

I’ve bought a new eco-friendly suit made of desert cactus leaves. I look really sharp in it. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

If you feel lonely, just start a small business. Then at least you’ll have a little company. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

I’m a natural at weight lifting. I picked it up quickly. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

How do you make a hot dog stand? Take its chair away. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

A racehorse and his entourage walk into a bar. The bouncer says, “You can’t come in here with those trainers.” #funny #jokes #dadjokes

Scientists have recently noticed that crows are not making as much noise. Researchers are busy looking for the cause. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

What do you call a bunny who was raised in a hotel? An inn grown hare. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

I saw a billboard this morning that said ‘Future Events’. I thought, “That’s a sign of things to come”. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

A friend of mine made the front page of the local paper. He’s a printer. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

My friend’s son was baptised Comic Sans. The vicar used the wrong font. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

I accidentally broke my nephew’s model rocket. Now I owe him an Apollo G. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

Why did the IRS audit the chiropractor? He owed a lot of back taxes. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, “We don’t serve superconductors here.” The superconductor leaves with zero resistance. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

I’ve got a fantastic stereo made of cake. It’s a gateau blaster. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

What do you call a car being driven by a sheep in a swimsuit? A lamb bikini. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

I’m a farmer and I keep getting headaches after harvesting my crops. The doctor says it’s my grains. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

A van delivering snooker supplies has crashed. There are cues on both sides of the highway. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

I asked my wife is she wanted to go out to dinner tomorrow and she said yes. I’m pretty excited to have the apartment to myself for the evening. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

Hiking in your 40s is a great way to meet new people. Today I met two paramedics, three nurses, a cardiologist and nearly met Jesus. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

My friend told me he’d give me a portable radio that had no batteries. I think it’s a wind up. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

Why could the mechanic not become an actor? He couldn’t get the parts. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

I’ve recently switched from eating venison to eating pheasant. Absolute game changer. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

I’m opening a new shadow puppet theatre. The business plan says I’ll make a fortune, but those are just projected figures. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

I never mention how much I hate listening to music on the lake. I don’t want to rock the boat. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

What do you call a female pirate who loses a leg? Peg. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

The aorta is my favorite artery. It has a special place in my heart. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

I never understood why we have those arrows with rubber suckers at the end. They’re pointless. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

What has three wheels and goes at speed along the river bed? A motorbike and side carp. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

Someone has stolen all the soap from my bath. I think it was my robber duck. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

I just saw a paleontologist sitting in a bar talking to a piece of coal. He must be carbon dating. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

I have just one thing to say to all the horribly disorganized grocery stores out there: You should be ashamed of your shelves. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

I’ve decided I’m gonna go on a second diet. There’s not nearly enough food on just the one. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

I never understood odorless candles. They don’t make scents. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

My friend went for a job at a sunscreen factory but didn’t get it. He’s going to reapply. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

I used to work in a shoe recycling center. It was sole destroying. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

I bought my wife a lamp in the shape of a Coke bottle. She was soda lighted. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

Why isn’t suntanning an Olympic sport? Because the best you can ever get is bronze. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

They closed the local bridge today. I still can’t get over it. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

My friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

I saw a transparent billboard yesterday. I thought to myself, "That's a clear sign." #funny #jokes #dadjokes