I really thought I could be Prime Minister

-you all right? You’ve got that “cock in the cookie jar” look -he’s back -who? Barrymore? Clement Attlee? - … - oh fuck - yes - oh no

Leamington, the Venice of the Midlands

- and I’m not doing *terribly*, am l? - I love the way that they’ve sandblasted everything around here. It’s so clean!

I cannot BELIEVE the energy going into getting out of Twitter

I’M NOT FUCKING WORRIED, MATE

Terri, me beauty, I like the heft of your jib

Season 4 deleted scene

How does that work? Does that mean I'm the semi-talented songwriter and you're the fucking loutish prick? That's a lovely analogy.

Bluesky announcing you can now use gifs, then telling you you can only use *their* gif menu.

you’re like the man who fucked the monkey that gave us AIDS

oh listen, I need to find myself a maize-based snack

what does it say, Terri?

you were supposed to REDACT it, not send THE WHOLE fucking exchange

how do you disable it?

don’t you ever, EVER, call me a bully … … … I’m so much worse than that

oh god, you were right. Sorry, no, tuck it in. You look like you've been startled by a fire alarm

where’s the Nazi gold, you donkey shagger?

you’re like the man who fucked the monkey that gave us AIDS

fuck me, this is like a clown running across a minefield

Terri, me beauty, I like the heft of your jib

Quiet bat people

I like the plasmic nature of your data modelling

I’m feeling about as up-to-date as the Gregorian calendar

[in Phil’s penis’ voice]: I’m lonely, where is everyone? Let me out of this coffin

I’M NOT FUCKING WORRIED, MATE

Halle-bloody-LUJAH

- and I’m not doing *terribly*, am l? - I love the way that they’ve sandblasted everything around here. It’s so clean!

I've got a to-do list here that's longer than a fucking Leonard Cohen song

Does it have to be porn? Is it compulsory?

What would you call that? Obsessive-Repulsive Disorder?

-noses can’t break anyway, that’s a myth -what the fuck are you talking about?

the holy trinity of “why”

LEGO, they're all made of fucking Lego

his father is a robot and he’s fucking fucked his sister

the guy's... he's got a tinfoil pal and a pedal bin

I cannot be-LIEVE the energy going into Andy Murray. I can't.

what’s that film that you love?

am I a solid, sensible concept?

I do not remember to that

what’s up Boo Boo?

I couldn't have looked more of a twat unless I'd announced it dressed as a mermaid with scallops on my tits

I’ve got more on my plate than a spinster at a wedding

-noses can’t break anyway, that’s a myth -what the fuck are you talking about?

do not fucking interrupt me, son. Ever.