I failed to save a baby squirrel from the cats yesterday and today, we spent all day in the heat trying to catch the sibling only for it to escape from the trap. Feeling all sorts of horrible things..

That’s the self care plan for today. 🎧

Well shit, I just learned of Nicholas Brendan's passing (Xander on Buffy). This is so sad, especially after Michelle passed away and learning this week that the Buffy reboot isn't happening. My dear friend met him when she was an extra on a film he was in years ago. Now they're both gone. It hurts.

Facing yet another big loss in my life, realizing there are more goodbyes than hellos anymore and my tiny pool of safe, trusted support is getting even smaller with each breath. "Why doesn't it get better with time?/I'm becoming all alone again/ Stay, stay, stay..." youtu.be/Nh17jXzgI1E?...

To all of these men in particular who cannot understand why sexual assault that occurred decades ago still matters. I was sexually assaulted twenty six years ago. I am closer to fifty than forty. I still will not get on elevator with men if I am by myself. That's why it matters.

I’m so excited! 😍

We just had the biggest wind gust we've had all day and a branch fell on our roof. Thankfully, it wasn't a huge branch, but it scared the crap out of everyone. I don't think I'll be sleeping tonight in case it happens again. It's been a very stressful day.

Holy wind, batman.. 😬 At least the kit kats are taking refuge in the garage. It was mid 80s today before the cold front and tonight will be around freezing. Next week we’ll be in the 90s (ick too soon!). This is exhausting. I have to prepare things outside for all seasons..

Tomorrow is a high wind day and also a fire risk day, so my nerves are going to be a mess (ok, they already are). Send us good thoughts that we all stay safe..

My post with the Peter Gabriel video got flagged for graphic content.. what?? I don’t feel like dealing with all that, so I deleted it. How bizarre..

Don’t forget to breathe. Everything is scary right now, but you are ok in this moment and you are doing your best. I’m sending you light if you need it. 🕯️

I was diagnosed 3 years ago at 46 when menopause, caregiving and a pandemic broke my ability to mask it. I had been given many other diagnoses in my life, pills.. I felt utterly broken. I had no clue that it was ADHD all along. I grieve the me I could have been with proper help.

So you know. Found an old paperback here. Bent spine. Dog-eared like i was coming back to it. I like books like that. Traveled. A line under something that hit right at that moment. Some songs feel that way. You open them up and remember where you left off.

We're good! Storms weakened for us, so 60mph wind instead of 80. Cats are safe inside garage. Now to get through a few more months of this. I'd say wake me when it's over, but then it will be sweltering heat and no rain for months. whyyyyyyy...

Allie the cat has returned from his travels.. phew. Everyone has been fed and now just waiting for storms, hoping they take cover soon. Cmon storms, time to weaken please. 🙏🏼 🌩️

We have 80mph winds headed our way soon. I have a headcount for 2 of my cats, not sure where the other is. I hate storm season so much. Send us good thoughts?

Had to go to an urgent care for an ear issue (all good, just bad allergies messing up my tubes). They were cool about my mask and the doc even put one on before coming in my room. And this is all I'm asking, just respect me, my body, my concern for my health. It's not that hard.

It seems one of my outdoor cats has developed an allergy to his flea meds. He's losing fur at the application site. I have no idea what to try next. It took a bunch of research and help from feral groups to narrow it down to this med and a legit place to get it. Why can't problems stay solved?!

I wish I wish.

It’s been a heartbreaking few weeks sitting with the pain of being invalidated and dismissed by my own family (while they act like it never happened). I needed to read this.

Good morning. Shaking off the heartache by sharing music.. just heard this and was blown away..

Tornado watch cancelled, yay!

I’m just going to apologize now for all my storm anxiety posts for the next few months. I don’t handle it well. I usually anxiety post here. I lost my local storm anxiety friend who used to check in on me and her absence on this planet is huge.. I worry about the garden cats, my family.. so yeah. 😬

I cannot stress enough how much I do not want severe storm season to be upon us. I can't manage this shit on top of all the other shit to manage. 😭

Shout out to everyone who is raw dogging trauma recovery, no therapist, next to no support system, just gathering resources on your own & trying to MacGuyver them together into a survivable plan. Hang in. It's not fair you're in that spot, but you can do this.

This works! Tried it for the first time last summer and we had a lot less mosquitoes than usual.

Awoooooo!! Clouds parted just in time, neighrboorhood rooster and coyotes in the distant provided the soundtrack for this lunar eclipse.

I'm in! 🐺

Sat outside and talked with the full moon tonight. Going to set my alarm to go outside and watch the lunar eclipse.🌝

It's been a week since my brother went off on me about the fact that we still mask, avoid public places, etc. In this week, my dad's 80 yr old friend got very sick with covid, my therapist got very sick and two nursing homes she works with are locked down bc of covid.

Internet Law states if this video is posted, you must watch and repost! I will never not watch this. ☔😍

Having a really hard time being human right now. We’re kind of the worst..

The murder of the disabled man has shattered me. I cannot handle seeing the video on my feed. I need to get offline. I can't process all this evil. Please take care of yourselves and your hearts.. goodnight.

Holy crap, the cruel comments in the Tori fandom are really upsetting. My father was a piano prodigy from childhood like her, spent his life playing/singing and it did a number on his body. People expecting Tori to be exactly how she used to be are being ridiculous.

I finally got to watch this. It made me so emotional to see her play again. I admit, I am worried about her voice. I can't imagine how hard this has been for her, as someone who has made it her life's work sharing her voice with all of us. I hope she'll be ok on tour. youtu.be/OrOuPPyrQmM?...

Hey Jupiter, nothing’s been the same… (Jupiter hanging with the moon tonight)

This is fantastic!

Happy New Tori Music Day! Ok, so I've had a full day to let it sink in. The criticism has been really harsh. My first listen, I wasn't sure..I was hoping for fire and this wasn't it. But then, I had quite an emotional few days and it clicked for me tonight...

Today is protect my heart day. No news. No contact with unsafe people. I’ve reached out to a still coviding group and my therapist. Tomorrow is new Tori song day (never needed this so much). Going to treat myself with kindness today.

Wish I had known I was going to have a knock down, drag out fight with family. I would have bought some candy or cookies for emotional support.

Hey, so, if members of your family are immunocompromised and want to wear masks to protect themselves, maybe don't shit all over them for it and tell them they're crazy. At least I know how they really feel and don't have to wonder anymore. But it hurts beyond words.

It’s surreal that someone can live in a house for over 50 years and, in a matter of a few months, someone new is walking through the front door and calling it home like the previous owners were never there.

I remember this! 😍

the power of orange knickers undone (ft. damien rice) would have been a better song.

I just want to sit for hours and watch clouds go by.

When my new GP saw my high BP, he said it seemed like every one his patients had anxiety at their appointments. He said, I don’t know why that is, have people had bad experiences? I had to hold my tongue. I said yes, most people have had bad experiences with doctors. And I could write a book, doc.

Just got this in the mail today and I’m so excited to read it. And I got the signed version, so I can finally add Ani’s autograph to my collection of favorite musicians. ❤️

Just over here disassociating my life away..

It's common for CPTSD survivors to feel like an enormous burden. And it's common for CPTSD survivors to feel like we barely exist at all. At the same time. Welcome to CPTSD, where contradictions about our basic worth & personhood define our day.