I may have a new favourite flower. Orchis italica, also known as the naked man orchid.

Sometimes we need a little Fairytale in our lives Now, where are those toads?

"I promise I won't eat you, or otherwise injure you." "Unless you ask me to."

She weighed the coins with a light toss and headed off to find some decent stew. Something fresh, not the perpetual stuff they fed to the drunks. And she did have a way of getting what she wanted. By the time she found their room, carrying the tray of food and ale herself, the bath was ready. -

“A room to ourselves, sounds like a proper catch up is in order.” She grinned at him, not hiding the sharp teeth or the pointed ears. He was a Witcher, he knew exactly what she was and accepted her for it. “I’ll find us something decent to drink.”

“1921? Was that when you were last in this world?” She felt bad for him, the past hundred years had been full of many, many changes. Not all of them good. “Aye, there is a lot of chaos in the air now. Those little devices they hold and look at? They’re so noisy.”

𝒮𝒽𝑒 𝓌𝒶𝓈 𝒶 𝐹𝒶𝑒𝓇𝒾𝑒-

“Will ye now?” A grin. The wicked sort that said she might enjoy it. Or she might try and butcher a leg to roast. “Should we say it’s a nice steak dinner and leave it at that?”

“In a physical sense, or a psychological sense?” Did it matter? Not really. “But you exist now. Are you enjoying it?”

He’s a faun, it comes with the territory. “One day you might.” “Anyway, I’m not about to eat you. Relax. I’m well fed for now.”

"Don't you be threatenin' me wi a guid time!" "You're no too big to go over my lap and get yer arse tanned." Was she joking...?

"That was a mighty sneeze. They'll be talking about that sneeze for millennia."

"Haud oan, is that sneeze still echoing?"

“Do ye no like barbecued goat?”

“So you’re a wee new babe?!” “You get to do all your firsts all over again. First drink. First big jobby. First taste of something sweet…”

Are you usually a late sleeper?

It's like... survive long enough to see the sun rise

"I have some trinkets to trade." Of the magic sort, he might find a few things interesting. Or he might call them all shit, you never knew with Witchers. "Is there a bath in this place? I'd sell a kidney for a soak."

"Good enough to offer me food and drink?"

“Witcher. Long time. You’re looking good enough to eat.”

Mibbe aye. Mibbe no.

Kiss the sunrise

It always amazed her how many worlds had her folk. They differed, and came in many forms, but she'd yet to find a world where there wasn't some type of Fae. And most hailed from the Celts in some way or another. She drank in a few short gulps, choking back the burn and letting the whisky settle. -

"I might accept some poison as trade, but I'll give you the drink for free." "It's not good to drink alone." She had a single cup, and waited for him to hold out his cup for a measure of whisky. A healthy measure. It wasn't at all measured. "Slàinte." She toasted his good health.

“Aye? I’ve got some whisky on me. It’s a good start.” “You can call me Ailsa, by the way.”

“Let’s have six.” “Each.” “To start with.”

“I need a drink.”

But man is tastier

“Blessed Beltane to all of ye.” “Mind and leave an offering of milk, honey, or cream by the hawthorn tree to appease your local Fae. Else they’ll come and sink their teeth into yer pretty wee necks.”

"I can't even describe how few fucks I have left to give."

“It is known.”

“Everyone knows that triplets are evil.”

In the name of the wee man

WHY THO

“They do love their little hobbies.”

“Aye? So would you come shop at Jobi Liquors?” “Buy yerself a nice wine?”

“I think it would do well.” “Don’t you?”

"Might open up a new booze shop." "I'll call it Jobi Liquors." "For all your beer, wine and spirit needs."

“I’m hungry for baked goods.” “Let’s go decorate.”

"When I ask you to... glaze the doughnut?" "Or buns." "Drizzle the pancakes."

"What I'm hearing is that you want to spunk inside me."

“Remember, if you’re on your period right now, you’ll be ovulating on Valentine’s Day.” “Don’t let one bunch of flowers and some cheap chocolates dictate your uterus’s tenancy arrangements.”

“Is that one of your computer games, pal? Like Tetris?”

“Or maybe you’re just very good at getting the juices flowing?” She’s clinging onto him, making him show off those werewolf muscles of his. “D’ye fancy a tumble?”

“You barely look a day over a century, my love.” “And still able to get it up, which not many men over the age of fifty can say.”

Loud Grandad Sneezing

"I never had any parents."

For you, I'd keep them all safe

Someone was having fun editing those in