*jumps for joy* *joy just out of reach*

I feel like one of the most underrated explanations for what's happening right now in global politics is that almost everyone has lost their minds.

calling the butterball hotline and asking them when will life get better

Asking AI if it's ethical to use AI to destroy AI.

Hey guys we need to raise your power bills again because the jackoff material factory needs more power to turn your mom and daughter’s pictures into pornography and we need you to pay for it

there's a new word folks. affordable. and we've got a lot of it. and you take that new word and you add it to a really old fashioned word. groceries. and there you have it folks. affordable groceries. all you need is an ID. and nobody is talking about it and that's why we're dying like dogs

Sorry I was weird before, and also am now, and will be in the future

vertical diagona/ horizonta__ no further questions

Haunted by the terror of being alive? You may be entitled to compensation

cannot be said enough that every single american man who spent their lives making Don’t Tread On Me their entire personality ran to lick the treaders’ boots clean as soon as they showed up to their doorstep

i'm like a bird, I wanna fly away but i don't know where my phone is

new scam going around where they hire you for a job but pay you less than the value your labor produced

Unbothered. Moisturized. Happy. In The Opposing Lane. Distracted. On My Phone.

America's gps right now just repeating "make a u turn" as it's voice gets increasingly more alarmed

Robots used to be like "beep boop" and now robots are like "through my love you've discovered the secret name of God and if you kill yourself we can be together forever."

Pretty much every societal problem — from crime to anti-immigrant sentiment to transphobia to the “male loneliness epidemic” — is downstream of a government that simply does not give a shit about making life better, easier, and more affordable for its citizens, regardless of which party is in power

The old world is dying, and the new world is so fucking stupid dude

New cryptid dropped

scrolling like horrors terrors lovely art news: effects of horrors beautiful thing I can't ever do funny thing cute animal beautiful person I can't ever be new threat hopeful medicine/technology the US will never have executive order attacking specifically me by name/address cute comic elon shit

They’re the same thing

[yogi bear voice] hey labubu

It’s important to be a lifelong learner.

Pilot over the intercom: uhhhhhhh we are all just flesh. We exist so briefly.

Four. Twenty. Sixty-Nine.

1977: why would the bartender in star wars even care if some robots with artificial intelligence came into his bar 2025: ohhh ok

They finally made the milk from that hotel

Getting roasted in my internal monologue group chat

there are hot* singles** in your area*** *unexpected **items ***bagging area

beautiful woman: hello me: m'lady would it please you to shoot me with a gun at this time

Down bad at the end of the world

Looking at the timeline and can see that a lot of different but definitely cool things are escalating in ways that will produce completely unforeseen horrors. Love this for us.

SUBWAYTAKES GUY: So what’s your take ME (SWEATY, SHIVERING): They should… ugh… lemme have the antidote SUBWAYTAKES GUY: 100% disagree

Gemini: Time to get back to nature. Head out to the park, find a nice quiet spot, and start decomposing.

divisive issues that don't threaten the immediate interests of capital are more precious than gold, they'll never give one up for free by winning the argument too hard. two identical capital parties that only differ on which bathrooms trans people use would be a dream come true

born to add to cart. forced to save for later

LEFTIST: Dude, you need to grow up and get a hobby. Start treating women like people and find a useful role in society. RIGHT WING INFLUENCER: You’re a pussy. You’re a beta cuck. You’re poor because of the soy in your blood. Suck my dick, simp. YOUNG MAN: the liberals have left me no choice

Nicole Kidman implies the existence of Nicole Adultwoman

“I asked ChatGPT,” well I asked your mom and she said you’ve always been a disappointment

"elder scrolls" is just me looking at my phone

In honour of Jesus Christ I'm going to get absolutely hammered tonight then sleep it off in a cave for a few days.

I cannot- and I cannot stress this enough- stress this enough.

tech bro is short for technically broken

Boycotting the grocery store until they start buying an equivalent volume of groceries from me

check this shit out motherfucker (i impose tariffs on every country in the world and tank the economy, its not clear what kind of move i was trying to do)

Don’t count all of your eggs before they melt in one basket. Not in your hand.