Just went to a store 250 miles north of New York City. Why hasn’t Mayor Mamdani lowered my egg prices yet?

“The most important thing is for us to work with President Trump to stop the scourge of illegal immigration and, in the words of Hakeem Jeffries, strong floor-no ceiling!”

It’s 3:30 am on January 1 and I’ve already broken my resolution to eat better

The Stranger Things finale has taught me to have no fewer than 3 Deus Ex Machinas handy when executing my master plan against unstoppable beings

“Everything you’re seeing will make sense after you shell out 300 bucks to see the Stranger Things play on Broadway” — the Duffer brothers

So the plan in Stranger Things is to let another planet come almost all the way to the ground before stopping it then moving in to kill a living god. It’s foolproof

I paid a prostitute $300 to sit on the couch when a pizza got delivered so the delivery person wouldn’t think the whole large pizza was for me

By the way, get ready for four years of the Mamdani family doing perfectly normal things and having the media (all media, not just right wing) label it as bizarre or exotic. Barrack and Michelle Obama once bumped fists and Fox called it a terrorist fist jab

I'll pay Zohran Mamdani $10000 to add this sentence to his mayoral acceptance speech: "The COBRA Revolution has begun"

Today is the last day of the year but 2025 will return... In Avengers: Doomsday

The text on this picture is exactly would have been on the screen at the end of Animal House if Eric Adams had been in it

Still time to make the 2025 In Memoriam reel, celebrities. That's the kind of exposure that makes careers

Every episode of Stranger Things: "No don't do that. That's what Vecna expects. Instead what we do is... FLIP THE SCRIPT!"

The one question I'd ask the Duffer Brothers is of my theory that 11 grew up to be Liz Lemon on 30 Rock is true

I guarantee right now Hall & Oates are hanging out non-stop at the Duffer brothers' favorite taco place hoping to run into them "by accident" and convince them to add Maneater to the Stranger Things series finale at the last minute

Finally watching the Guillermo del Toro version of Frankenstein, the story of a man who couldn't have done a better job of fucking up what he was doing if he tried

He still has a few days to make 2025 the year he tore down the entire White House instead of just half of it

I’ve decided the song 12 Days of Christmas no longer annoys me as long as it’s the KPOP Demon Hunters version

This STILL has not been disproven

I don’t want to say how much but I recently received a large settlement that was about four times bigger than original estimates because a couple of rich guys wanted to avoid depositions

Can’t believe Mayor Mandani couldn’t handle a snowstorm. Cuomo could have

This is from the new Peacock show called The Copenhagen Test. As far as I can tell this Michael Clear has no social media presence which is why he produces movies and TV for James Wan and I do this

They're upset with the guy who beat a guy who was practically a name brand who was also corrupt and should have been in prison

I can't help but admire the effort and hard work that the evil popular kids put into setting up the pig blood they dumped on Carrie White at prom

Midway through episode 6 of Stranger Things. They should just call Argyle for help

Watching episode 5 of Stranger Things and Will’s best new super power is not having stupid hair

From the cover of this month’s No Shit Sherlock magazine

I really have to admire the guts of the unknown Hallmark executive who convinced his superiors they could make a fortune doing the same movie over and over again

There's a movie where Santa Claus is killed and replaced and it's considered to be a beloved Christmas classic. #MerryChristmas

This is a Xmas Eve tradition in my house youtu.be/hPfg20k5TE8?...

Thing I really relate to in the Pluribus season finale is how Carol barely knows the name of her next door neighbors even though they've probably lived there for years

It's December 2025 so yeah, all the movie trailers in theaters are for summer 2026 and beyond

The person who bought me a new laptop for Christmas* has amazing taste and is a wonderful human being *It was me

TV makers back in the old days: we make 34 episodes of our show a year and are embarrassed our output is so low TV makers now: we make 6 episodes every 3 years and constantly pat ourselves on the back for it

I should have no idea who the head of CBS News even is, much less that she's so rock stupid that she didn't bother to cancel a Canadian showing of the news segment she tried to censor

I have an acquaintance asking how long he should pressure cook a steak. I said easy, don't pressure cook a steak. "But I was told not to air fry it." No other possible option I guess

I on the other hand am pretty sure they all live on my street

My lottery jackpot dreams used to be things like building mansions in the Tuscan countryside. Now I want to win the $1.6 billion Powerball jackpot so I can afford the ads free versions of streaming apps

The Odyssey will be the greatest movie ever if some Greek guy farts inside the Trojan Horse and everyone else struggles mightily to not cry out “BY THE GODS”

This is where the Tesla defenders step in to say things like "opening a Tesla door in an emergency is a simple 14 step process you learn about when you enter the dark forest and solve the dragon's riddle. It's your responsibility to do this"

Still laughing at how Elise Stefanik thought making sure forensics would find her lip prints all over Trump's ass would make her Governor in a solidly blue state

I liked Avatar 3 though I wish at some point in his life someone had said to James Cameron "Less is more"

HA HA HA HA HA

Rewatched It’s A Wonderful Life and I noticed that Mary Bailey left her kids with the bank examiner and some detectives to look for George. That’s bad enough but then when she comes home she doesn’t recognize the 4 men which means Mary Bailey left 4 kids under the age of 10 with no one

From what I can tell people are sneaking in to Avatar just to watch the Avengers trailer. I knew some people who said they did that around 1990 to see the trailer for the Michael Keaton Batman. We've come such a long way

one thing that is important to know is that BIRTH OF A NATION is so racist that people at the *time*, in 1915, were like, “holy shit this is racist”

I'm waiting in a theater to see Avatar: Fire and Ash. Fire and Ash is the name of a Neil Diamond cover band on Pandora. Should be fun. Hugh Jackman is going to sing

Oh well

Trump appoints dingo as ambassador to babies