You know you have a good therapist when she is concerned about enabling you and wants to truly see you grow and not fall into old habits. I'm fortunate and I am going to keep trying to have hope in this world and build my confidence. I have to believe it is worth fighting for.

I want to focus on the micro, those small and personal moments of being black, autistic, queer, and nerdy without having to build a platform. Is anyone else just looking for human connection instead of a performance? 1/3

I respect people who are honest and recognize when the world is unfair for themselves and others. It feels safer to know someone will be honest about the reality of the world instead of always trying to place blame on the people in those unfair circumstances.

This is a message to my younger self who hated herself, to the person I was who was suffering from abuse a few years ago, and to anyone else that needs to hear it. Don't let harmful people dictate your worth.

In June, it is going to be my partner and I's 5th anniversary together. Throughout these 5 years I have only grown more in love with her as time has gone on. One of the most healing aspects of our relationship is that I built this relationship all on my own. 1/5

I often struggle with feeling overwhelmed by complex systems. Factorio has been forcing me to break systems down into more manageable logical components. I have been doing similar work with logic gates and the web dev concepts I've been studying. 1/2

I have far more resilience than I give myself credit for. I have absolutely no reason to see the good in this world or anyone, but I choose to believe in it and find it every day. Most of the time, I am disappointed. Other times, I am rewarded with immense gratitude and joy.

It's difficult to admit that I struggle with my black identity because growing up I was targeted and bullied primarily by my own people while simultaneously dealing with systemic racism and ableism. There is no guaranteed safe space for me. It's always a gamble.

I’m learning that when life gets heavy, the best move is to slow down. I’ve carried a heavy load with very little support, and today, I’m just proud of myself for staying kind and keeping my heart through it all.

I want everyone to experience happiness. Not just a select few or the people that work the hardest to maintain the status quo. I mean everyone. That is why I'm so principled because I envision a world that works for everyone and not just for some.

You don't know what it's like to deal with abuse until you've lived through it and I've unfortunately lived through it more than I'd like to admit. You don't just stop caring for people because they hurt you. They aren't just horrible 24/7. They are human beings who cause harm.

Every time I see people have conflict now, all I can think about is how they would or could engage in healthy conflict resolution. What's happened to me in this life has made that such a passion of mine. I wish more people cared about it like I do. I'm grateful my partner does.

I have spent so much of my life having my wants, needs, and voice sidelined and silenced in favor of the people harming me. My identity as a black gender non-conforming woman with invisible disabilities has only heightened the harm this causes. Stop aiding in silencing us.

Disabled black people who were treated unfairly for most of their lives deserve a voice just like everyone else. Our trauma is just as valid as everyone else's. Our journeys are just as meaningful as everyone else's. Our stories matter. Don't let people erase us. Stand with us.

I am just trying to enjoy as much that life has to offer with people I feel safe around. I think that's a fair ask. I'm excited for what's next! I've already done so many things I never thought I could or would do. The healthier I get the more I can give back to the world. 🩵🫂

Dancing was a lot of fun. I don't know if I would do it again, but I am glad I tried it. I am excited to try and experience more things this year than ever. I am grateful for the people in my life helping me along the way. I never thought I would do half of what I've done lately.

I am glad I tried with streaming and had it not go as planned rather than never trying at all. I came into it scared and terrified and found enough confidence to defend myself from harm for the first time in my life. That's a win younger me never got to experience. 1/4

This year I wanted to be open to saying "YES" to every outing and opportunity to connect and socialize with others (within reason) and I have been doing just that. I am trying out dancing with my partner and a friend that invited us. I'm really nervous, but excited! 🕺🏽💃🏽🫂🩵

Life has been unfortunate for me in a lot of ways. I have literally been put in environments that were horrible for the kind of person that I am. There was no chance to thrive. Yet, I am so fortunate to have the people I have in my life. That is something most don't have. 1/2

I had a blast streaming Factorio. Doing it with a friend I trust and getting the opportunity to learn and get more comfortable with cognitive overload and discomfort is one of the best feelings. I'm excited to keep going.

I'm super grateful for all of the people in my life I can be myself with and those who truly care about me. I've been going through a lot and those gestures truly matter. There is good out there for all of us to experience, even in little dosages.

I worry that being my authentic, compassionate, hyper empathetic, and logical self might upset or disappoint some people, but I just want to be true to myself in this life. A boundary I set for myself is to stop people pleasing. Maybe it's alright if people don't like me.

They are focused on being right, I'm focused on being better

I am working to ensure that my needs aren't neglected in the relationships in my life anymore. I want to be open and attentive to the needs of others as well as my own. I deserve to feel safe and respected and you do too. Never give up on yourself. #healing

One of the worst aspects of being disabled for me is knowing exactly what my needs are, communicating them directly, and still having them ignored. It's like a direct slap in the face. I'm being told directly and indirectly that my needs don't matter or are an inconvenience. 1/3

I deserve a community that sees my history as a testament to my strength and commitment to my values and principles. I am going to keep working hard to find that. I am grateful for those in my life currently who get it, but I choose to believe there's more who can and will too.

I’m learning that my intense empathy and pursuit of justice aren't hindered by stripping away judgments and focusing on the facts, they are fueled by it. I’m still working on this every day, but I’ve never been in a better place mentally, to do the work. I'm grateful. 🫂🩵

I'm learning not to make positive and negative judgements about people to prevent my own suffering and disappointment. Since I have been educating myself about trauma and learning about my own, I find it difficult to refrain from judging what is blatant harmful behavior. 1/5

Boxing 🥊 has played a major part in my healing process. Everything I take on becomes a part of my life, I've already integrated it into all of my workout routines. For now it is just shadowboxing, but in the future I hope to join a boxing gym or invest in my own equipment.

For the people that need to hear it, because today I definitely needed to: You can be grateful and appreciative of people and still be transparent about the harm they caused you. Those can exist together. Your feelings are valid. #healing #trauma #mentalhealth

I’ve been having a blast with games that require deep logical thinking. It's a challenge that forces me to solve complex problems, and I love that it’s pushing my assumed limitations. It’s helping me get more comfortable with "doing hard things" both in and out of games. 1/2

Peace for me is being certain of my truth and just allowing others to believe and project whatever they want. I'll just be focusing on the folks that respect me enough to listen. The rest just fades away and then I can finally breathe. I'm so grateful.

Sometimes the only option is to separate yourself from everyone and everything that harmed you or enabled that harm so that you can channel all of your empathy inward. It can't go to everyone else when you have been deprived of it for so long. It belongs to you for now.

I decided to find my own path of growth and healing instead of abiding by others' suggestions and expectations. I have my own story to tell that's built on my own experiences and lessons. I'm glad because it's my story to share and it won't sound like anyone else's.

I promise you that working towards a place where you have full ownership of your self-worth is the most freeing feeling. Making mistakes becomes a series of lessons to learn from, not a statement on who you are. Growth feels natural. External validation becomes noise to tune out.

My biggest flex is surviving a cycle of abuse that told me "this is just how people are," and coming out the other side into the most fulfilling relationships of my life. The growth I’ve discovered proves that the abuse was never deserved, and that I'll never stop learning.

Life feels different when you are just living for yourself and the people closest to you. I can finally prioritize my wants and needs. Then I can pour myself into the people who matter the most to me. It's refreshing and honestly I am in such a good place. Intrinsic euphoria.

I am so profoundly in love with my partner. She is one of the best things that has ever happened to me. With her, I feel safe and as an equal. There has never been a moment where I fear that I'm being mistreated. 1/4

I feel like the fact that I have so much lived experience should account for something. I have been tackling these thoughts and feelings for so much of my life and I think that is why it is so traumatic for me when people invalidate me. As if, I haven't been living it. 1/2

You have to fail to learn. You have to struggle to learn. All of that is part of the process and I plan to be transparent about it all instead of keeping the hard parts from people. There's no shame in the full process and I always believed that it deserves to be recognized.

People don't understand how hard it is to care so much for people that were abusing you. Having a heart like that takes so much out of you. Then there are people who thought I was speaking up for malicious reasons, when it takes everything in me to ever stand up for myself. 1/2

Having overcome so much myself and watched people I love transform their lives after severe depression, I’ve realized a lot. That kind of growth deserves just as much recognition as any other achievement. It is the hardest work you will ever do. I choose to recognize it. Always.

Now that I know what it is like to reach some of the deepest and darkest places that your mental health can take you, but also know what it's like to experience and appreciate the moments of light and hope life provides. All I want to do is let others know it's possible.

I am becoming more confident because I understand how far I have come to make it to where I am right now. I'm also not growing alone. I am growing collectively with people I care deeply about. I am so grateful to have gone through what I have and still be strong enough to grow.

Anxiety often traps me in a pattern where I watch content to "prepare" instead of just diving in to learn, make mistakes, and use official resources to answer my questions. If I want to create, I have to be brave enough to learn without a safety net. 1/3

The biggest step towards more secure relationships for me is internalizing that admitting you hurt someone doesn't instantly make you a horrible person. Your intent is important, but your impact matters too. Taking accountability for causing any harm is a strength not a flaw.

It's ok to give yourself the grace you deserve. #mentalhealth

I don't see it talked about often, but I think it is alright to prioritize your mental health and what's in front of you instead of directly trying to address every political issue the world is facing right now. I told myself a while back that I couldn't handle it all. 1/5

Getting into sandbox, survival, and crafting genres, that have a heavy focus on resource management, building, and automation has been a great way for me to challenge myself and prove that I can conquer anything that life puts in front of me. Even the games I think I suck at.

My mini manifesto. Maybe one of these days I will turn it into a book with more detail about everything I've lived through, but for now this is enough. It felt freeing to write. I'm so grateful for my journey. #healing #manifesto #growth #abuse #ableism #happiness