Washed me dog

My middle name is Martha

Reviews are in 💫

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

Will you be my Olive(r) Oil?

Bloody Mary. Bloody Mary. Bloody Mary.

The worst thing about office culture is having to make Monday morning small talk and pretending to be cheerful and care. I don’t dislike you, I just don’t care and simply want to do my job which I don’t actually hate.

Made it to the weekend

Meet me in the change room

Was fist bumped by a gym bro again. Evidently i need to camp it more this is very out of my comfort zone

That reminds me - I need to give blood

G’day

Saturday runs

Spending the next three hours ironing everything I own. Do I start a Jurassic Park marathon? Or Lord of the Rings? Or shall I just watch Titanic? Who is this Freud? Is he a passenger?

Gateway Motor Inn. Room 20. Door’s unlocked.

Exactly what I needed after 10 hours in the car

My 84 year old mother-in-law knocked on the bedroom door and didn’t wait for an answer before coming in and proceeded to have a conversation with me while I crouched next to the bed stark, bollock naked. I do not need this before 8am.

Yes I wear nail polish. Yes I’m a f*g. Yes I will punch you if you come for me and all my LGBTIQA+ family. Or I might just flap my hands and scream a lot you never know until you’re in the moment. I might have biceps but I’m still just a little 94kg gay boy.

I’m open

Was fist bumped by a local gym bro this morning. Guess I’m entering my butch era.

It’s giving Nomadland

Hello

Life on the road

That’s all

Feeling it today

Still kicking 💫

Does anyone who lives in Paris follow me? If yes have you heard of le Square Trousseau in the 12th? And if yes again, would you recommend for a little solo ficelle with a coffee in the morning, or a long lunch with a friend? Any other recommendations for a long lunch in Paris also welcome 🥖 🍷 🇫🇷

Internal government communications are structured to be deliberately vague so you’re forced to go back and forth with someone until they finally get to the point of what it is they want and you can get to the end of a day without anyone actually having had to do any work. Drives me fucking nuts.

I have other interests

Proof of life (just about)

I will boycott if either Aaron Taylor-Johnson or Henry Cavill are cast as the new Bond. Both are beautiful but Taylor-Johnson is a bad actor and Cavill is so physically big it’s implausible that he would be a convincing spy. He’s also not a great actor. I said what I said. bbc.com/news/article...

I don’t know what I’m feeling but I believe it’s some form of oat

💋

You know how people say “where’s the police when you need them” when you see someone do something dickish on the roads? Dude ran a red light this morning and the car behind him was an unmarked police car. I enjoyed watching that enormously.

Using filters like it’s 2016

Hair of the dog

I’m too old to be out until 6:30am

Jumped on the first bus I saw at the airport that had the name of the company on the side. Did’t think anything of it. Anyway now the bus is driving around a car park and not going into the city and I will get off where I got on in 10 minutes. It’s mildly annoying but also quite funny.

Well, I got it

I have bought an outfit comprising an oversized barrel pant and contemporary Moroccan felt jacket which in my head looked great, but putting the pieces together might make me look like a lesbian which isn’t bad in and of itself, but it‘s not the vibe I was going for. Fashion is hard.

Good morning to all my fellow insomniacs ☀️

If driving 10km/ph over the speed limit is illegal then driving 30km/ph UNDER the speed limit should be punishable by summary execution. Thank you for coming to my TEDx Talk.

It is a safety requirement that you hold onto the handles while on this ride

She loves a long weekend ☀️ 🏃‍♂️

Work in progress . . .

I need a haircut

I want to be small but I also want to be big. The duality of man.

Background music at an unstaffed gym shouldn’t be so loud that you can’t hear your own music

21.1km 1:46:18 I need a rub down

Ran a half marathon PB this morning 🥇