I am having a low-key Christmas day with only immediate family. We are hosting no one and going nowhere. I have baked nothing. I am distributing presents in the boxes they were shipped in. OMG, it's the BEST. Prob making coffee cake and jam later.

Merry Christmas, and, more importantly, a joyous countdown to the cottage for all who celebrate!

I need someone to start a dancewear brand for the middle aged. Something aimed at the recreational dancer whose motivations include not dying of cookies, or this being more fun and less expensive than physical therapy.

Today, the dogs lay down in protest at the sidewalk at the end of the block and refused to budge until I started to move in the populated and photogenic direction. More proof they have an Instagram I'm not involved in.

One thing I'm really enjoying about Heated Rivalry is participating in a fandom that people *understand*. I love what I love, and one thing I love is The Locked Tomb, which is an exercise in admitting my thing isn't everyone's cup of tea.

I mostly don't miss my old dishwasher (which broke), except for the 35 minute ultrafast cycle. Perfect for being flighty and spontaneous!

Settling in with hot chocolate and gay hockey show.

It looks like someone with my Amazon login and PIN (e.g., one of my offspring) bought the first season of West Wing. If this is the case, I expect a terrible weekend while they discover how politically naive it was once possible to be. Alternatively, the dogs bought it by chewing the Fire remote.

Ep 2 of Heated Rivalry. These boys are killing me.

I do it to confuse my children.

I am watching *Heated Rivalry* because of course I am. Two thirds of an episode in, I feel like maybe not enough has been said about Ilya's butt.

Just got off the phone with the Marine Corps. Again. If my kid showed up at a recruiting office, they'd reject her, but they probably wouldn't stop calling.

The great thing about making caramel for caramel lattes at home is no one involved in the caramel lattes is thinking about beverage profit margins.

I carefully worked out a way to practice the motherfucking promenade turns that are currently the bane of my existence and I just about instantaneously wrenched a calf muscle. If I was really hardcore, I would still practice the other side but I might be too old for that shit.

Some days I feel very strongly that I am only faking being a grown-up. Other days, I am very glad that I ma a Real Adult (tm) who decided to keep a plunger in every bathroom.

Things I have actually texted my offspring: "I lack the desire, will, or capacity to deny you kazoo choir."

Today in atheist miracles, I learned that my favorite play helped save my life.

The years of public-spirited masking during the pandemic made me forget how to deal with colds and now I am keeping pathetically about with what, if memory serves, is basically a sniffle. I resent this attack on my dignity.

Songs that honor Arlo Guthrie in that they are 17 or more verses long are banned by city ordinance in Westboro. IYKYK

I asked them to STOP me from making pineapple ice cream.

Other things to maybe not add to the chaos: hand-pulled noodles.

I attempted to assign the important Thanksgiving task of Preventing Me From Making Pineapple Ice Cream, but no one seems to take it very seriously.

Last week, the one guy in my ballet class was slightly bothered that I paired my leo with men's boxer briefs. I am thinking, in his honor, tonight it should be men's boxer briefs in hot pink.

I would really like to see the Arabian Dance from the Nutcracker choreographed around a character who is trying to get all the way to morning coffee while taking phone calls.

I have nothing to add that hasn't been said already, but I wanted to have also said GOOD about this.

I do not know why she is a sad Victorian orphan right now, I only know that she is.

Checking the weather because I ordered fancy ink because I forgot it was November...

Oh no, I sat on the couch and now there's a dog on my lap. Work will have to wait. This is important.

TFG has issued an order rescinding tariffs on (among other things) coffee and tea. I'm thrilled. Yay! Now do craft supplies! (I kid. They should do everything. The tariffs are wrong and bad and shitty and should all die.)

I was going to vacuum the couches, but...

Things that people do for each other are real miracles, and we should build our society to give people space to manifest them. Personal levitation or manifesting stigmata? Whatevs. Rhogam, though. However we support gifts like that, we should do it.

This seems like a great argument for universal basic income, and universal health and dental care. In a just universe, no teenager should need to hit Matt Gaetz up for money.

Some days, the keyword in "work from home" is definitely more home than work.

I was supposed to have a relaxed, lazy Sunday, but I looked at the wrong cookbook to get some ideas for dinner plans and picked up all kinds of steam.

I was going to go to the Indian grocery by myself, but then I said the words "lunch buffet" and now I have company.

Good morning! Today is such a definite improvement over yesterday.

One problem for me with having a doctor who's an oblivious kid is that now I am seriously tempted by malicious compliance. He told me I needed to watch my cholesterol. Probably not the best venue for screwing with instructions.

Today, I have deposited all the checks, paid all the bills, gone to the hardware store, fixed the back door, and planted bulbs. The first load of laundry is folded and put away! The second is in the dryer! I am about to go for a jog! I'm supposed to be updating my resume.

Can someone please explain this kind of car to me? The cabin is good for kids, but not kids AND groceries. The truck bed is inconveniently sized for all the things I might want to use a truck bed for. It comes in two shades of red, though, so I guess there's that.

I vacuumed (a week ago). How is there still dog hair in my house? So dogs live here? Do they regrow hair and shed it constantly?

In exchange for half an hour of fetch, the dogs have temporarily forgiven their lack of yard access. I am now permitted to work. My incentives are extremely mixed.

Last week, I resented showering both before and after ballet class. This week, I regret that I skipped the first half.

I am trying to figure out what is UP with Gosling's equitation here, but mostly I am entertained. I hear the horse's name is Zorro. I might be mistaken about the name, but I am not mistaken that the horse is perfect.

"I began mentally adding 20% to all contractor estimates on the house a looooong time ago."

My doctor retired, so I have a new one. He's an infant. My leather jacket is older than him. He's a responsible child, though, and tried to refer me for a mammogram, which is the kind of care I would absolutely need if I hadn't had my last breast removed in 2013.

Four days. That is how much morning walk flirting with the picket line at a construction site it took for my dogs to be offered donuts. They're appalled. It took so long and then I wouldn't let them.

Imo, make him wear that thing. Mention it every time he's brought up. Connect it to rumors of senility and bowel incontinence and mention it some more. If the mainstream press won't, we'll have to do it ourselves.

Parker says it's not a writing time. I disagree, but I can't match her rhetorical strategies.

As takes go, this isn't even lukewarm, but I would be okay with never seeing Rockwell's Freedom of Speech painting on the internet ever again.