What's been YOUR favourite moment of FIFA so far? #fifa #soccer #football #ball #balls #balls #balls #balls #balls

Freshslice Pizza is under investigation following constant rumours of genetic experiments being used to create their pepperoni. We will report back with any updates.

What have we done

Hi, it's Christine Sinclair, the world's top international goal scorer. The city is currently being overrun with giant rat-fungus mutants

We're excited to announce that as of this morning, Mayor Ken Sim has had his lungs surgically replaced with #FIFA soccer balls! We highly recommend all Metro Vancouver residents book their own operation as soon as possible.

hey what was that

UPDATE: Rat Brawl Rumble tomorrow night is CANCELLED. Unfortunately the selenemycosis fungus liquefied half the remaining rats in the league. We will update you when you'll be able to watch rats fighting again

Readers rejoice! Quiznos pledges to donate $5000 to the Vancouver Public Library to help replace the 800,000 books that were lost last year when thousands of rat-sized silverfish descended upon the downtown area.

Call the nearest Decontamination Centre at your earliest convenience.

Happy #PrideMonth, Vancouver! This year's Pride Parade is being pushed back until September to allow room for the Freshslice Pizza Cheesy Garlic Death Arena's grand opening! #LoveWins🏳️‍🌈

Summer's just around the corner, Vancouver! As the days get warmer, don't forget to remain 10 meters or more away from any strand entities you may see. Prolonged proximity to strand entities has been known to result in migraines, abdominal discomfort, and liver dysfunction.

⚠️ TRAFFIC ALERT: Several strand creatures have emerged along West Broadway. Full road closure on West Broadway from Larch St to Burrard St until decontamination crews relocate the creatures to the Stanley Park Containment Grid. Thank you for your patience. #VanTraffic

We told you.