putting a National Society of High School Scholars (NSHSS) bumper sticker on my car to tell the world I’m easily scammable

had my cat in the quiet car with me he was actually so well behaved the person next to me didn’t even realize I had a cat on me

my dad got a matching best friendship tattoo with his friend this year, they’ve been friends for 35 years and a few months after they had a falling out and have never spoken again

getting murdered here at night <3

I’m in a place where it feels like a combat menu is about to turn red, I’m unable to pause, and fight music is gonna start playing

apple juice looks very temptating

do u guys remember fat cock friday discourse that was kinda a moment for us all

taking my cat on the amtrak tomorrow I’m… not excited, bro is gonna give me the hardest time every step of the way

it’s literally “hey I’m walking here!!!!”

when ppl don’t sidestep at all on the sidewalk walking towards me and I’m literally forced to be brushing up against the wall to accommodate their total non-moving like hey buddy I’m gonna beat the shit out of you

another gay couple moving into my building. this is now 5 of the 8 units occupied by homos in my building

it’s possible the window AC unit next to my bed being infested with black mold for a year without me noticing may have impaired me physically and mentally hahaha

miss him so much

because bus have 50 seats and Lamborghini have only 2

hey wassup in an individual contributor working in tech. im both underperforming and overperforming at the same time. job security? idk her. everything is an AI initiative. my colleagues send GPT genned paragraphs to each other. everyone is having a wonderful time

I hope u don’t mind if I put on some music for the mood 😈

my brother texted me this with no context he’s trying trying to provoke emotions on me

conservative gay posted on instagram about getting hate crimed and still found a way to blame ‘liberals’ lmaooooo

it would be just so quirky and funny if someone randomly gave me $35,471 like that’s honestly so random and crazy lol!! like it would be so funny hahaha imagine omg a story to tell the grandkids probably !

john semen

putting pepperoni cups on my nipples like im your little pizza slut oh yea you wanna unload your parm cheese on my hot and ready

woke up from a sadness nap and ate 6 slices of bread for dinner

hey we’re excited to move you to the next round of interviews there will be 4 more rounds after that plus a presentation plus a technical plus your first born’s toenails

he’s hot but he makes chudai and wataa posts u can do better king

my boy beans

mind if I squeeze by here real quick just gotta grab my beans

being retired seems fucking awesome

Anyone want a boyfriend who is hopelessly in thrall to modern day capitalism and also loves clairo

having done wrestling for like 6 years in my childhood, whenever I smell the scent of freshly rolled out gym mat it provokes a sense of trauma but also invigoration like so much of my childhood was spent on those mats practicing and fighting 😭

me discovering im 6% Aegean

no actually in NYC I am very proud to say I am originally from new jersey so many haters none of them have been to asbury park or the ramapo nature reservation or anything else they just think of trenton or the Secaucus swamp and disregard us

who said half italian gay dudes from NYC can’t have hairy knockers ??

I just tried to put my 65s slot which were occupied by 50s and the 50s were occupied by 20s why am I playing a puzzle game at the gym

when a dude puts 20s like in the 50s slot on the rack it’s like in what barn-house were you raised in… we live among and contribute to a society here

being a lesbian is probably awesome very happy for u all

gay guy friday im so excited i could just cream my seams

legs in the air oh yea my pussy going international

remember when everyone listened to Come On Eileen and wore scarves and shit

a hung cock Silly Bandz

the most annoying kids in middle school would come into school with those “I ❤️ boobies” bracelet and be like “im allowed to wear this actually bc it’s for breast cancer 🙂‍↔️”

I’m young healthy and alive I promise

they’ve had an Aldi ‘coming soon’ in my neighborhood for like a year now stop teasing me and shove it in my hole already

one time I was at a concert and I was like “that drummer is so cute omg” and the girl in front of me turned around and smiled so hard she really said “awwwww A Gay in The Wild” w that I’ll never forget it love an ally

the ‘don’t try to pickpocket an american in Europe’ trope is funny my contribution is that some guy in Madrid guised flirting (hottie) to rob me and so m we hugged, I felt him in my pocket, so I pushed him against the wall very hard and then just ran away but I looked back and he was on the ground

I hate when suburbans post like “if you live in a big city you should be outside EVERYDAY like why are you inside” what if it’s rainy what if I’m making cozy pasta dinner what if I’m fucking ur dad like lots of indoor options here too :/

omg

sometimes I see a towering porn man on the socials and I’m like wow that’s a man that’s an adult that’s no boy that’s a big man and his bio is like “27 year old jock🏋️💪🔥” and then I get body dysmorphia

delivery apps are like “congrats, you saved $9 in fees on this already upcharged meal! you really didn’t save anything 🥰”

HOLY SHIT MAN