so I was wrong….

she gon call me baby boo

work trips are so fun, I try to figure out who is gay and it ends up just being me why are there no homos :/

dublin row houses are incredibly cute I’m gonna smile at every building

is this something

hotel bed after a red eye…. mmmmmmmmmm

heard a cat meow on my flight and it made me smile and ear to ear aww little buddy

maybe I just become a southeast asia yogi white flight gentrifier

gn

being stretched to my limits in a mental capacity, oscillating between ideations of going batshit and trying to numb it all out with marijuana

don’t fucking ask me about my job / work at the club what is wrong with you I came here to literally not think about that at all

a bird shat on my forehead on my way to a poker night and I should’ve taken that as a sign that I was not going to excel in tonight’s game

I was so terrible at chemistry in high school and I still have nightmares about it. my teacher used to hand tests back out in order of highest to lowest roll call style

hey babe sorry I can’t talk I’m at gay guy mah jongg night

and then it’s like I go to LinkedIn and every job posting is like “Prince of Forward Deployed to AI Data Sorcerer at Splorkle” and it’s like that’s what my relevant options are?

Olivia Wilde made her directorial debut talking about this but instead of gay men online it was teenage girls in high school

was more of a problem on twitter than here but some of u have kindergarten levels of character judgement

my strategy for returning to the gym after months long absence is by raw dogging a 5k on the treadmill before each workout to shock my body back into shape

got moved to a new team at work and I have the most tenure among anyone by 2 years…. oh so I’m grandpa :/

post selfie -> hot porn stars follow me -> “cummie tea and a ranch cup for breakfast” ass post -> hot porn stars unfollow me

one time in HS I met up w a tumblr mutual from the area at a party. was great to catch up and finally meet her until 20 minutes after our convo she pulls my friend Alia aside separately and says “Collin has been trying to hook up with me all night ugh” we met on tumblr….. I posted Glee GIFs….. :/

a never ending midnight cum <3

my one brain cell the last 2 weeks no matter the situation: Boots! That’s my ego boost!

been told by a lot of ppl elsewhere I look better unkempt and disheveled lmaoooo

before and after my self grooming ritual

when u haven’t taken prep in awhile bc alone and they just keep sending it my entire medicine cabinet is prophylactic storage

hey there Delilah what’s it like in pittsburgh pennsylvania

banana nut in my mouth muffin

once upon a time I order 20 chicken tenders for tomorrow and it was funded by the government but if not I take Venmo

camp lazlo that elephant kid annoyed me

hey man nice film camera! do u use it to take pictures of your penis?

sometimes yea I am woman laughing alone eating salad in medium frame but other times im sad guy with heart burn on long commercial

applesauce implies I’m going to sauce it on something? It should be named more more like applepuree if we go by the conventional nomenclatures

geometry trade sohcahtoa getting high on the potenuse

I’ll have the mixed vegetables

was oogling a guy on the dance floor and my lesbian bestie went to tried to wingman but she approached the wrong guy, he was married lol but I said to them oh u got the wrong guy and hes like “curious who u meant tho” and I pointed out who and the “wrong guy” was like yea that’s my husband actually

emotional sensitivity so high in this period of time I started sobbing at a bobs burgers outro song

today on instagram I went on a 4 story segment rant about the NYC Newsletter Drop $40 Cinnamon Rolls

the irony of someone posting an LPSG thread about me on my birthday (I’ve found a second thread)

chat what does it mean when reddit community ranks my place of work a B

just had a dream it was the last week of senior year of college again and all my friends were there again

not even latino but it pisses me off when someone says tamale (singular)

Valentine’s Day activity: cleaning the dust off all my knick knacks

was craving ham and cheese on a bagel and so I went to the bagel store and they gave it to me on a roll

when you’ve been single your entire life Valentine’s Day is just a cold day in the winter

going to Dublin for a week btw

“book a hotel through amex and get a $300 credit!!!” and all the amex hotels are fucking $500 a night 5-star boomer bloatware places

are we done w the people recording themselves eating in the car era yet

sleep for dinner and then sleep for dessert is great for saving money but I think i ate 200 calories today

I feel like I give permission for my cat to eat my rotting corpse when I die alone in silence in my apartment as a survival tactic i just hope he doesn’t treat me like an ordinary meal and is sad overall