ok actually here u go in 2016 someone pulled me off the streets in nyc and asked me to model in a Columbia university classroom too bad they were just a student photog student and not like some big agency but the photos came out cute

can’t post 2016 nostalgia as I was frantically moving out of an abusive household situation and my old phone/microSD was broken in the process so I lost photos between 2014-2017

I love gargling

need my garglesack to get grumpled before the evermoon reaches its equinox

they’re planning to mould me into a fine dough and then briefly boiling me in baking soda and then baked till golden brown. I may be lathered in butter

it sucks there’s not really turned based combat in real life

some ancient man meat would be able to hit this thrumpsack so good tbh

in my mind constantly straddling the line between what I think is standing up for myself and what I think is being difficult and annoying and 🎶 that’s a fun thing about anxiety 🎶

they’re planning to excavate me this week

ayudante de hamburguesa

having the same job and salary as a Gen Xer but not having a house or net worth like he does because I was born 23 years too late

no im not crashing out this is actually a very calculated 8 segment bit about the price of sandwiches being too high that I’ve scripted and blocked behind the scenes

having a dishwasher is so great not just for the device itself but also loading and running the dishwasher is hands down the most satisfying house chore to do god bless

chicken biryani

omg guess what I am having for lunch

pansexual butter chicken

chicken biryani and a fat cock daddy husband

should I get chicken biryani and some paneer tikka

why am I craving chicken biryani at 1:30am

all I gotta do is do this 1,657.05 times successfully

someone venmo me $20 it’s for a good cause

I didn’t go to the gym but I made a healthy steak sandwich and cleaned like 80% of my apartment

would u go on a date with him

the responsible urge to clean my apartment and go to the gym at 10pm

my old school runescape wife wouldn’t be happy to hear about the penis picture you’ve just sent me

that one gay bar that will have a party theme for anything

sometimes I feel really bad for horse girls who live in the arctics it’s like you’ll never be her there :/

but does that mean that I eat ham only sometimes

when I was younger my brother told me it was illegal to throw out instruction manuals and why did I only find out in my 20s that’s not a thing

sometimes I will eat ham

hey im charli XCX and im giving away 1000 le creuset cookware sets

whenever im living in the moment its like wow this is the moment

my mom at the movie theater in 2008 after dragging her to see Journey to the Center of the Earth 3D starring Brendon Fraser:

oh your apartment has a Juliet Balcony? that’s so great you should have parties on there. you should make smoothies for the building

should we all jump off cliffs

unironic AI fagslop has hit my instagram algorithm composed of only shit posts because it is probably the worst video ever created and it broke its containment

connecting w an oomf on LinkedIn it’s like ew I kinda don’t wanna know u like that

sorry for posting about Work again it’s just that i am being Psychologically Tortured™️ daily and its hard to keep it bottled up

dude so show off your balls

I don’t know how you haven’t flaunted your genitals for bluesky yet

‘penis please’ guy with another banger

treat me with kindness and love tuesday

hey let’s go hide in a supply closet of a building we don’t work in and smell each others hair

Valentine’s Day coming up

bacon egg and cheese salt penis ketchup please

I’ve only been to cava once but I ordered a pita instead of a bowl and literally everyone spat in my face and called me an ugly whore so prob won’t go back for awhile

my 6th grade teacher gave me detention because I didn’t read the bridge to terabithia and nothing against the bridge to terabithia (love Josh Hutchison) but honestly it’s because I was internalizing my initial homophobia/self-hatred and I simply thought it was just a really gay book (I was 11)

ok embarrassing story time when I was a kid and “narnia the lion the witch and the wardrobe” came out I thought a wardrobe was like an evil monster for a few years because i hadn’t heard the word in actual practice and never saw the movie

they need to make cat trees but for human adults who live alone and also need a little extra stimulation like I’d love to climb up to a cave within my purview like that but nooo I guess I’ll just jerk off

my coworker in high school used to give us all cool nicknames in Spanish my friend was chewletta which basically means skinny and I was merrycone which is basically like just a happy go lucky guy