sometimes i wish i could hold my stories in my hands. i need to physically cling to the words and the paper and twist is all around while i ponder emotions, you know what i mean?

God videos edits/amvs are one of my favourite thing in the world, and i know it's because I discovered them at Prime Young Teenage Years but truly. I hope people never ever stop making them.

lays once more on the ground. I love codependency. I love it so much. Yes, give me people who cant function properly without each other, who refuse to be parted from one another, who will chose each other every single time even it makes things worse. ships desperate for each other, every single day

every day adhd social media treats me like i'm julius cesar on the ides of march

i can't even say "maybe i should try drugs" because i tried it and it sucked

You ever read a fic and think: its really good, its really hot, but i yearn for the pov of the one who corrupts rather than the one being corrupted

am i genuinely dumb in wanting so badly to only do creative things in the world we're living in right now tho.

I'm going to go to bed at a reasonable hour and tomorrow i'm going to wake up have a nice breakfast and then do all the work related things I've not been doing for the past two days that I really should.

if life was fair i could eat pizza every single day

every single day i'm there now. that's my new life

if i still have a headache in an hour i'm officially taking a med cause i tried water and food already and that didn't work

Dear friend tragically reminding me i'm bi with her writing;; that there is nothing hotter than a man kneeling adoringly at the feet of a woman damn it

what if i actually believed in real life romantic love

the thing is i don't want to have to make an appointment or to have tests that will tell me i don't have the thing. I want someone to tell me "you have this Thing, here is a Pill to Help, have a nice life"

every time i have a panic attack building up i'm like ooooh i remember now that i prefer the sadness and apathy, give me back the depression, i'd rather have the depression,-

i miss Snowy

god i just love it when exes get back together. i don't know WHY it's such catnip for me but every single time it hits. oh you have messy emotions linked to your happy past together do you. oh you were estranged for so long but its so easy being back togehter. oh you've healed what was once broken-

me: we just can't make a normal person me, twenty minutes later: I love the J family T_T

impulsively signed up for a free writing course happening tonight at my local library and now i'm like why the HELL did i do that,, help.

I'm still eternally thinking about this

see, the problem with rpf is that if a character said "im not going back to therapy my boyfriend is my therapist" i would BASK in the messiness and bad idea of it all, but because this is about a real guy i have to say "hey. maybe. that's not healthy and you should, in fact, not do that, bless <3"

But really tho how do people just. Keep thoughts in their heads? Like dont they just bang against the walls of your brain or run around everywhere screaming until you let them all out??? Plz everybody tell me the secrets of your brains

Reading a fic that's Full of Gender tonight and I'm like, it's a gorgeous fic, i'm really into it, but at the back of my mind it's only going "wow, I'm really Just A Girl huh. I'm very cis. Dang."

appeal of monogamy has to be oh; i'm someone literal favourite person in the whole world; they're my ultimate bestest friend and i'm theirs and we're a team and /they/ picked /me/ specifically. coz they liked /me/. the most. mmh.

okay, day off today, but i have to at least take a shower, check my emails, &unfroze some broccolis to eat tonight. and then tomorrow i can force myself back into 25% of productivity at least. sorry i'm saying all of this here by the way it's just if i don't have potential eyes on me i won't do it

Like all white-haired anime boys, this guy is tooootally normal 💀🐴

what if someone magically fell in love with me and i didn't have to work for it at all

it's infuriating to say when i haven't done that much this whole week and yet i still think maybe i pushed myself too hard because today i'm so /exhausted/ mentally and physically sitting up on the couch is hard...

i'm sad i miss the writing zoomies window 😞. i should have let it win

i fucked up. it's ten pm i haven't lost myself in writing NOR clean my room and the day is over in two hours. aaaaaaaaaarg. and all that.

aggravating to just enjoy popular songs from popular artists. I want to be a specialest hipster girl who only likes obscure bands but no. you give me a new pop song from a famous pop star and i'm like. yes. that's pleasing to my ear. Gimme 50 more listen of that. (im still procrastinating. shh.)

I am,, not doing what i said it would but i also know i cant write until ive done my tasks so im just. Sitting there. Goddamnit. Couldnt the writing zoomies arrive on monday 😭

okay no before i go insane about this I'm going to eat. I'm going to do at least One Work Related Task. I'm going to do another room of the house. And THEN i'm allowed to just type and type and type until i do another video call with a friend this evening.

I'm going insane with this story idea it's all over my head & i don't know how to approach it or get it on paper but i have such a clear visual of them having this long talk sitting on each side of the door & they casually discuss Dan stalking Phil for years & Phil going "we could just fuck yknow"

Weeps. there is no where to talk about the idea running through my head to write dnp being juuuust the tiniest more fucked up. just tiny (lot) more stalking. just tiny (lot) more codependency. aaaah. it's bursting in my brain but i don't have time to sit and write if i wanna do other stuff and aaah.

oc stuff | richard/henry don't worry about it

oc stuff | richard/henry They are soOOOOO normal!!!

Guess what's finished

There should be a law that if you're not good at writing long-form stories you SHOULDN'T literally only get ideas for stories that are long

doing a video call with my friends being like i'm going to get such a good grade at catching up with friends

I wish I could draw Viviane. I miss her. Who else is doing beautiful serious Eldritch Horror finding peace in being a current day-to-day politic administrator of a city and refusing to take their manic pixie girl ex-girlfriend seriously like her.......

using social media the way it was intended to tell you all i'm craving Halloumi soooo bad right now which is weird because I only had Halloumi once in England six months ago

i need to clean my kitchen. its part of the deal of the week. I need to get up and clean my kitchen.

cruel to have the perfect ending for a story in your mind but you have to write all the things that came before for it to (hopefully) HitTM

friend this morning: hey this post on instagram about a girl who explained that she feels so much better since she's been on ritalin &the way she felt BEFORE do feel a lot like all your mental struggles you were talking about me, between gritted teeth: alas, i did the test&thats not me. Apparently.

are we doing enough, with worms? The dune one, obviously, tremors. Big guy made of worms, big bunch of worms all around the place. Worm dragon? Wheres the worm guys, worm cults, wormspell. We might be doing wrong by worms, is what I'm saying. Leaving a lot on the table, re:worms

"elodie why do all your stories end up involving women who've got Huge Responsabilities and are all cold but gracious and powerful but scary and seem to have very little emotions because that's what needed for them to do their job well?" "shut up sometimes they appear warm & deceptively soft too"

i'm such an envious person in general and I know this and accept this about myself and i try to make it not too much of a problem around me but oh my god i need to be drunk and in love rn

lay on the ground thinking of everybody thinking Sofie is not smart including sofie and then alric is like. my darling. my adored. you are so clever. there is so much in you. i appreciate your huge boobs AND your brain equally. let's rule the world (Montreal) together&kill your ex &alsohaveababyplz

Maybe, if i pray very very very very hard, close my eyes and put my hands on a keyboard, i can live in a reality where i can just write silly stories forever and money just happens to fall on my lap