They may as well just have replaced Patrick Beach with the plastic kangaroo

Wife: ‘I just want everyone to do well’ Me: ‘knockout football isn’t really for you, is it?’

LLMs are a kind of uncertainty filter that give credible sources and bad ones the same glossy finish, severing the links so you can't really be sure

Mat Ryan looks slightly confused as to why he’s on the field at all

Nothing undermines a sense of righteous disgust than throwing a plastic kangaroo

I imagine that DR Congo has a PhD in utilitarian philosophy..,

The only thing that makes me want to see either of these teams progress is the chance they end up playing the 3rd/4th playoff.

I am already sour on the old place (Twitter), but the thing that might push me off for good? The flood of Americans who think they know how to perfect the rules of soccer.

Good God. Thank God we are not still playing Rashford and Sterling together

JORDAN HENDERSON ALERT! Cue wailing and gnashing of teeth.

Jude Bellingham and his willingness to take on anyone… the trash talkers, the tellers, the always skins…. Honestly, respect #JudeGotThis

Please tell me we already have a GIF of angry Turkish fan

Things we learned: 1) Turner should start, but he’s still not a great option 2) Pepi can’t cut it as a goal threat 3) Better hope the first choice defence stays fit 4) Berhalter knows how to hit a corner

Has anyone here been watching Paraguay Australia? Because I’m guessing it’s truly dire. The Souttar brothers will have some awkward conversations for Australia’s lack of firepower

More and more prescient

Seb Berhalter showing the subtlety of his dad at a leadership conference

This tweet already proving prescient

Someone from @mls.bsky.social must have gotten to the #USMNT opponents and told them the game kicks off ten minutes after the officially listed time

Jesus, Turkey must have hired St Louis City’s set piece coach

Pochettino deciding to stress test his defensive depth

The US team looked like they were singing 11 different songs, none of which were the Star Spangled Banner

The Round of 32 is matching up South Africa vs Canada. This is probably not too egregious given that the likely Round of 16 opponent is Netherlands or Morocco. But this new #WorldCup format is creating some very uneven paths to the semi finals

Tuchel’s big mistake was taking Bellingham off. He’s the sort of player who might force a goal in a tight game.

I’ve seen Gregg Berhalter sides with more attacking flair than this Ghana set up

Oh my goodness, calling back Dr Joe immediately after he’s just been told he’s wrong by VAR is delicious

Like I posted earlier, if Lalas were smart enough to say sensible things, he’d bait Zlatan into reflexively arguing and saying really stupid stuff

One thing commentators are saying a lot, but that I think is totally wrong… ‘This team has to be careful not to push too hard because goal difference could decide if they’re one of the third place teams to go through’

CABO VERDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If Lalas was a sophisticated troll, he’d start saying reasonable things at halftime, to bait Zlatan into reflexively disagreeing with him.

Julian Nagelsmann needs three outfits for one World Cup game. Herve Rennard only needs one outfit for three World Cups

Some Germans may be disappointed it took them so long to get into the lead. But defeating Ivory Coast is no easy tusk. #dadjokes

Some big lessons for the #USMNT and media from this Sweden performance: 1. There’s a world of difference between a top side and the poorest side at this WC 2. The weak links on a team will be exposed by the stronger teams.

Well that was stupid, Almiron

Things I didn’t like: 1. Not convinced by Matt Freese. 2. Dumb yellow for Richards to pick up. The USMNT needs him available for three at the back to work. 3. Pepi and Wright lack a cutting edge. 4. Sad Roldan didn’t get a run out in front of his home crowd TLDR: great win, but lack of depth

Feeling good about this call right now

I know that it wasn’t a time wasting move, but great to see the referee enforcing the ‘no impromptu coaching sessions’ for injuries

Australia need to be reminded that this isn’t Aussie Rules

Poor Clint Dempsey. On the one hand, he gets to be on location for a US home WC game at his old home field. On the other, he has to spend that time with Alexi Lalas

Hot take/prediction: #USMNT will benefit from Pulisic out of the team.

Just read what food the Norwegian FA brought to the #WorldCup What in Odin’s name is ‘Norwegian brown cheese’?

Am I right in thinking the Mediterranean is still seeking its first WC win?

Currently getting tornado updates instead of adverts in the hydration break. The only thing that makes me prefer adverts

How good must FIFA hospitality food be that no one gets back to their seats before the second half

The one time I can accept the cool kids isolating the ginger kid.

About the only appealing thing about this game for me is watching St Louis Bluesky and Twitter dunking on Arrowhead

I think Trump gets more critical coverage on Fox News than Messi gets on Fox Sports

The global and parochial collide when watching Argentina play Algeria with a ‘Wind Advisory’ for Cumberland, Clark, Effingham and Greene Counties

What’s the over-under on the number of days before Zlatan totally loses it on screen after listening to Lalas?