This morning a mosquito almost drowned itself in my coffee so I yelled at it (?!) and my son asked why, so I told him a mosquito was trying to drink my coffee And he said "Mosquitoes have a short proboscis, right? So they can't drink coffee, silly!" 💀

Beyond parody

I'm like 75% sure I have an ear infection of some nature and I just don't have time for that

This line runs through my head at least 5 times a day You know who

Sometimes I think about my mom and just get so ... sad

Question for parents of young kids: how much about *gestures wildly* do your kids know? My son is 4.5 and has no clue what's going on in the world. I'm not sure if I'm doing the right thing by keeping everything from him, but he's also very sensitive and I don't want to ruin his childhood

My oldest nibling came over to the play with the kids, took them for a walk so now I'm relaxing in the air conditioning (bc it's 80 degrees and 1000% humidity in late September😭)

Now that it's fall in debating getting ✨bangs✨ Maybe they'll help camouflage my postpartum hair loss (and also they were kind of my signature look pre-kid so I might feel more like "myself" with them)

My baby fell off the couch, I had my hand holding on her leg but it wasn't enough to stop it She stopped crying and has been fine, currently eating a churro But I swear to God I can't do this, I'm losing my fucking mind

AI is a fucking scourge, man

I spent an absurd amount of money for a subscription baking kit for my son because their September box was construction themed. He's very excited and the cookie cutters are pretty cute

Apparently my mother in law wants to take me clothes shopping (she took her daughter for mother's Day and wants to be equal? 🤷🏻‍♀️) and I can't think of anything I would like to do *less* than that

Rolling up to preschool pickup rocking out to classic Juanes like

I have a joke idea but I'm pretty sure it would land me on a list and I just don't think I'm cut out for the gulag

US government be like:

I'm so tired my brain just pronounced clipboard like cupboard 😴

So far today I've: -gotten my car inspected -turned on my old car's plates -prepped food for my son's feeding therapy -made a Dr appointment for my baby -went to said Dr appointment -met w a student on Zoom -edited a test for my async class I feel like I've lived 3 lives already and it's 1:30

Superman was good! David Corenswet should be in everything 🥵 you could tell it was James Gunn though and that's not a bad thing, but at some point they all kind of feel the same? And i Ioathe intense cgi sequences that are so fast your brain can't even process what your eyes are seeing

I have 20 minutes to clean this before my therapy appointment Let's see what I can do

WTF is up with this ad

I just recorded a 16 minute lesson video that didn't save so if you need me I'll be crying in the corner

You all will be happy to know what I'm at urgent care right now and regretting all my life choices

2 weeks ago I rolled my ankle, it got better but a few days later my foot (not ankle) started hurting again and it hasn't gone away It's quite unpleasant I should probably get it looked at shouldn't I 😩

This merges my two passions: being endlessly online and Lord of the Rings

A children's book Instagram account that I follow linked to a book to teach kids about the first amendment, and when I clicked on it it was backordered AKA unavailable and I pretty much lolled in real life

Why is my ugly sandwich getting so much attention 🤣

Peanut butter and jellyfish sandwich

My MH nurse: be mindful of caffeine while you adjust Me, very tired: giant coffee and a matcha latte, got it

The blue jays are fighting

Starting Wellbutrin today I'm worried it'll fuck up nursing like it did with my son, but she's much older and nursing is very well established so I'm hoping it doesn't matter this time

If vacuum-sealed salmon was "use or freeze by" yesterday, but it smells fine -- eat it yes or no?

One good thing about still having FB is being able to leverage the comments for questionable businesses I ordered a kids subscription baking kit for my son bc they had a truck themed month & I kept getting the runaround from customer service One "I think this is a scam" comment and it's shipped 💅🏻

I know everything is garbage, but let me share a little moment of joy: My son (4.5) is obsessed with landscaping and has accumulated toy versions of pretty much every tool out there His backpack blower is his most prized possession

"So and so Republican did XYZ immoral and illegal thing, they must resign or be removed from office" Sure and I must have a million dollars and a rocket jetpack to fly over traffic but that's more likely to happen, so

🎵And I say HEEEEYYYYY YAAAAAY YAAAAAAAAY🎵

My son is having trouble staying in his seat after lunch. He finishes quickly and then wants to move. One of his teachers asked if I was available to get him early, but I don't think that's right or fair. another said they'd just keep bringing him to the front to play with a teacher until dismissal

Welp. The nurse was supposed to call me at 10:15 to finish our discussion about meds and it's 10:25 and nothing. So. I guess I just continue to drown.

My neighbor's roofing contractor blocked my driveway while I was doing preschool drop-off. He saw, and said nothing to his contractors about moving their van. I parked on the street.

Pediatrician did drive thru vaccine clinic and included grownups I thought going first would help but I think it backfired and made my son more scared Now I'm driving home with two crying babies 🤣😵‍💫

Had a really good conversation with the psychiatric nurse at the postpartum therapy practice. She's actually taking my ADHD concerns seriously and we're meeting again tomorrow to try to figure out the best course of action re: meds for both PPD and ADHD

I've been having a really rough week mentally and emotionally, yesterday's mom fiasco aside, and I literally *just* put it together that my period is back and I'm probably due for it soon It explains *so much*

Deleted the text from my mom bc it attracted randos and someone saved it, no thanks Locked accounts please Anyways, thanks for the support

Pretty sure my marriage is also on the rocks, so I'm having a great night tonight

About to blow up the family chat out of sheer spite 😈

I'm hanging on by a fucking thread and my son just keeps shitting in his underwear and I can't do any of this anymore

I'm so unimaginably sad today and I have to get my kids up and out to OT but inside I just feel completely broken

Did I just fall into an alternate universe where he doesn't exist?!

I started taking a "gentle on the stomach" iron supplement for my ridiculously low ferritin but it's absolutely destroying my stomach 😩

I was so wired last night after getting into it with my mom that I needed half a Klonopin to calm down Slept Amazing Then woke up to more And then realized it's 9/11