Coming to fight the “War” Trump has declared on my city. Fuck every inch of Texas. Fuck every man, woman, child, fire ant, fuck the Alamo, fuck your stupid hats and your stupid boots and your horses/bedmates. Fuck Farah Faucet, fuck whataburger, fuck Chicken fried steak, fuck your calculators

I never knew I was on the autism spectrum. Been taking tylenol for years… Do I get some kind of ID card or…?

My honest thoughts are a violation of this social media site’s terms of service

Tired of listening to people accuse Trump of “protecting child sex trafickers” Who do you think killed Jeffrey Epstein, dumb dumb?

He looks like he huffs his own farts and needs to take his inhaler because they trigger his athsma but they’re just so good he can’t stop

Thank you conservatives for taking this time of national tragedy to clarify that the gun used to murder those church kids was a semi-automatic magazine-fed long gun and not an “assault rifle” You’re helping

Right now, there are teenagers consulting ChatGPT about every aspect of their social lives and acting how it suggests and it’s probably going well for them. Doesn’t make me feel good.

This Wall Street Journal article is causing Trump to spiral. He’s gotta be sitting in his bed right now, rage reading the news, swollen cankles, poopy diaper, with Ivanka on his lap.

This is a real photo of Trump after his record-length Epstein truth social post

Grok is threatening to r*pe users now. You did it, Elon. Finally. A conservative chatbot.

Spraypainting a Tesla (terrorism) Slaughtering two politicians in their homes (not terrorism. Wait what party were the victims part of? Democrat? Yeah not terrorism)

um uh uh uh uh hey you guys, I can haz cheeseburger? Heh heh. epic memes aside, I am here to uh announce today that all Tesslers will suck your dick. Every- Every Tesla will be able to suck your dick by first quarter 2022

Taco man Taco man Does whatever a taco can Full of meat Smells like cheese Thinks the plural of moose is “meese” look oooooouuuuuuttt Here comes the Taco maaaan

400 year old shark with Pete Buttigieg as his VP would be an easy sweep

Hey Steve-o, buddy. Those German guys who got absolute power in 1932, about them. *Places my hand firmly on Steve Bannon’s shoulder* They didn’t “govern forever” buddy. What happened to them? Can you remember?

Black pope you guys! Blope! (Or maybe Italian. They were probably considered “Black” in some much of the country)

I swear Trump could pull a handful of feces out of his pants in the Oval Office and start eating it in front of his aides and the headlines would read: “President Trump, known for his penchant for the unorthodox, enjoyed a questionable meal in the Oval Office today”

I don’t mean to brag but look at what I said last week! Trump is getting so easy to predict.

This image perfectly sums up how I feel right now

This cavern-skulled microwave-brained skunk just loves setting unachievable deadlines for himself for cheap hype.

Marge needs to be deported back to the Paleolithic Era… www.politico.eu/article/marj...

Rubbing my back on the doorframe of the bathroom closet at work. Reading the worker’s rights poster they hide in there.

Trump officials accidentally added the editor in chief of the Atlantic to a text thread where they were discussing classified military operations against the Houthis: JD Vance: “I think we are making a mistake” “There is a real risk that the public doesn’t understand this or why it’s necessary.”

Trump on JFK files: “"You've got a lot of reading," he said. "I don't believe we're going to redact anything. I said, 'Just don't redact. You can't redact.'" Lmao. DOJ officials were up all night redacting files, and the released files were heavily redacted. Another nothing announcement:

I’ve been a cheerleader for establishment dems for a while. Basically trying to get people to understand that they are just prioritizing winning elections. But I can’t defend what Schumer and 8 other Dems did last week. The very last thing we need right now is even more resignation and capitulation.

Just a week after Musk posed on stage with a Chainsaw, the white house says cuts will be made with a scalpal instead of an axe. Musk is going to look pretty awkward standing on a stage with a scalpal. Chainsaw’s definitely out of the question

I swear Trump’s makeup artist has been playing a prank where she’s just been making Trump’s makeup oranger and oranger every time she does it.

This is an actual screenshot of someone’s twitter feed

The Louisiana State Penetentiary is the largest prison in the United States. 6,300 prisoners. The largest number of prisoners housed in Gitmo was 779. Add up all prisoners in LA county jails: 17k How is Gitmo going to fit 30,000 immigrants? This is about to be a major crime against humanity.

For fans of Mike Judge’s Idiocracy, people aren’t really discussing this on social media, but Trump actually appointed the former CEO of Carls Jr. to serve as ambassador to the EU today

More thugs pardoned by Trump wreaking havoc. Why shouldn’t this guy resist arrest? He’s legally allowed to assault police officers because he’s maga. Never let conservatives forget the outrageous privilege they have. They are above the law while everyone else needs to follow the law.

Mark Zuckerberg, Recipient of World’s First Rat Penis Transplant, Announces Meta Will Stop Fact Checking

So it’s not a joke like Republicans claimed. Trump Jr. travelled to Greenland yesterday (with Charlie fucking Kirk??) Trump’s statement: “You see the people and the ships sailing around and they’re not the right ships. They’re not the ships you want to know about.” What??

Sucks to live in a world where there is just one Luigi…

“Oranger! Make it oranger god damnit!” “;~; I’m sorry Mr. President sir” “Give me that! I’ll do it myself!”

Donald Trump doing a 180 on H1B Visas reminds me of Mr. Krabs scamming all those kids to come to Krabby Land

My conspiracy theory I believe in is that the airpod case was meticulously designed and tested by engineers at Apple to create something that will slide out of your pocket easily

Man this guy must be super homophobic if he tried to kill Nick Fuentes

In this most recent spending bill, congress was going to give themselves a 3% raise, claiming they haven’t had a raise since 2009. The federal minimum wage hasn’t been raised since 2009. These people are giving themselves an extra $6k a month when there are Americans legally being paid $1k a month

Me begging my boss not to fire me

Lol. Hard right media ghouls must hate it when they win elections. You’re no longer the renegade resistance speaking “truth” to power. Now you are government propaganda. Have fun being nothing more than Trump’s mouthpiece. Dorks.

Trump wins the election. Logan Paul beats Mike Tyson. Alex Jones gets to keep his company. End of 2024 is just win after win for the nation’s worst douchebags.

Trump when asked by Fox News if he’d release the Epstein files: “I guess I would. I think that- less so, because, you don’t know, you don’t want to affect people’s lives if it’s phony stuff in there, because it’s a lot of phony stuff with that whole world. But I think I would” He’s in the files.

I’m wondering if United actually wants the guy to be caught. If he evades capture, this story goes away next week. If he is arrested and there’s a trial, That’s a year+ of public debate on whether health insurance CEOs deserve to be unalived with blam blams. That will affect their share price.

And Jack Smith has officially filed to drop the Jan. 6 case against Trump. We don’t have a system of checks and balances we have a system of norms and expectations and traditions that are all optional, apparently. A violent attack on our Republic goes unpunished.

Gaetz for AG is just Trump identifying the RINOS in congress who won’t vote to confirm him. If you’re a Republican, and Trump tells you to eat a shit sandwich, you eat the shit sandwich and lick the plate and say “yummy shit sandwich sooo tasty. Can the bread be shit next time too?”