shrimp
@shrimp.fail
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you tellin me i fried this rice? he/him
[guy who wants to make pancakes but only has waffle mix] itās over. itās so fucking over [guy who gets paid 400k a year] due to a typo openclaw emptied my bank account to buy 10 bags of cheetahs
about 2 hours ago
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kristi noem has been taken out back and shot
4 days ago
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AGI is coming any day bro, trust me bro, just a million more tokens, please, just a billion more gallons of water, i swear the assumption machine will become god
4 days ago
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[loud buzzer sound] ANNOUNCER (V.O.): The discourse period for Scream 7 (2026) is now over. Please make all new discourse posts about The Bride! (2026). Thank you for your attention on this matter.
5 days ago
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personally i think people named ājrā should be executed when they turn 30
5 days ago
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the worst thing you can do as a software engineer is make an assumption. that is why we have replaced all software engineers with The Assumption Machine
6 days ago
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fancy restaurants are like ādo you want some fucking cheese for dessertā
7 days ago
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life is a highway poorly supported by the state
13 days ago
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you just created a million frosty the snowmans
13 days ago
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NYPD COMMISSIONER (very seriously): hewwo iāve gawtherwd yew aww hwere to annouwnce we awe invwestigating the illwegal awnd unswanctioned snowbwall fwight that sweriously injwured sweveral offwicers earwlier todway
13 days ago
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Youāre right to be upset. I was wrong. That was the femoral artery. I shouldnāt have cut into it without your explicit approval.
13 days ago
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weather reporter reading a teleprompter with an extremely furrowed brow: chat we are gettingā¦.. heightmogged by this ā¦.. powdermaxxxing (looks to the side) Paul what is this, is this some kind of prank
14 days ago
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i was going to eat a sandwich for lunch but according to the polls thatās not popular with the electorate. so i am going to eat a bowl of mulch and dirt
20 days ago
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barack obama famously didn't kill any american citizens. he loves to drone on about it. google āobama american citizen droneā to learn more
add a skeleton here at some point
22 days ago
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(joylessly) do i need to see crime 1 through 100 in order to enjoy crime 101
22 days ago
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piss us a shit youāre the poopy man
22 days ago
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i like it when movie good. when movie bad? well sometimes i also like when movie bad
26 days ago
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(Sam Elliot voiceover) Sometimes poopy butt. Sometimes poopy stay on butt. Hard get off butt. Need soft for wipe poopy. Charmin best soft for poopy butt clean
26 days ago
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guy carrying toaster to the bathroom:
add a skeleton here at some point
27 days ago
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hi iām doctor gregory House, from the hit television program House. i live in an Apartment
28 days ago
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rian johnson is already hard at work on his next benoit blanc mystery googling "realy cool song titles"
28 days ago
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[i am tied to a chair and my captor is sharpening various knives] okayā¦ā¦.. i am gonna assume this is in good faith
28 days ago
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the only discord i want is yankin dis cord outta da computa
28 days ago
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uh discord maybe donāt make every account āteen-by-defaultā
28 days ago
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klarna buy now pay later for assisted suicide
30 days ago
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uhhhhhhhh my fellow americans uhhhh 6 7 to the polls
about 1 month ago
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jurassic park emotionally manipulated me into feeling a brief moment of wonder and for that i will never forgive it
about 1 month ago
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itās so funny when someone calls a movie emotionally manipulative. like just stare at the wall if youāre that fragile
about 1 month ago
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uh pretty sure its the other way around
about 1 month ago
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breaking news the text generator trained on crappy reddit short stories makes the largest crappy reddit short story in existence
add a skeleton here at some point
about 1 month ago
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butts butts butts butts movin up an down again!
about 1 month ago
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when iām old i will simply not lay down in a ādeathbedā. just a livebed for me, thank you
about 1 month ago
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when im on my deathbed i might say something poignant like āso shall i return to the earthā but ill probably just go with something classic like āahhhhhhhh fuck!! no! no! no! no! no ! no ! ā
about 1 month ago
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i bet domestication syndrome feels so fucking good if youāre an animal
about 1 month ago
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āI never thought leopards would eat peopleās faces,' tweets democrat who funds the Leopards Eating People's Faces Force
about 1 month ago
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executives love AI because the only thing itās good at is reinforcing your own biases and stroking your ego
add a skeleton here at some point
about 2 months ago
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all great technological advances necessitated a period of being forced upon the populace, its normal. itās fine
add a skeleton here at some point
about 2 months ago
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thereās a god dang cheeto in the bone temple!!!!
about 2 months ago
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now thatās some good shrimp content
#shrimp
#content
add a skeleton here at some point
about 2 months ago
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āi didnāt like marty supreme because he was an assholeā ok. you should watch Bluey because you are a child
about 2 months ago
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at the theater watching Primate, a movie about a murderous chimpanzee. i am shaking my head and making a ātsk tsk takā sound so everyone knows i dont support this problematic protagonist
about 2 months ago
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(nuclear bomb goes off) (i turn to the camera) ummmmmmā¦ā¦. awkwarddddd
about 2 months ago
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the wachowskis were really lucky they captured the exact moment the camera slowed down and spun around neo when he dodged bullets
about 2 months ago
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fear is the mind killer, ok? do you know what that means? that means itās the little death. that means i have a responsibility to face my fear. to permit it to pass over me. you, maybe you face your fear maybe you donāt. but i have to face it. that is my purpose
2 months ago
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i donāt want your knife to chip and shatter! i would never say that! that doesnāt even sound like me! do you think i would be here right now if i wanted your knife to chip and shatter?
2 months ago
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3 months ago
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(wake me up) wake me up dead man (canāt wake up) wake me up dead man
3 months ago
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foreshadowing? oh you mean soft launching the plot
3 months ago
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fruit of the poisonous tree? fuck. thatās metal as hell. lemme have some
5 months ago
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they should make a fast and furious vampire movie called NOSferatu
5 months ago
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