everyone in my life is shaming me for getting a walking pad when I can just take walks outside but outside I can’t doomscroll on my phone while walking bc I have to pay attention to my surroundings &worry about not getting kidnapped. I have reasons for things I do

I will genuinely have an identity crisis if my handle goes invalid bc thats literally me wdym

accidentally ate part of a banana string

I’ve unlocked a new level of female rage [context not included]

LOL someone at my sisters work keeps stealing her food that’s labeled so today she made a decoy plate for them to take that had like 10x the salt just to be petty

me having full blown conversations by myself in the shower

even tho I’m a Christmas freak I have so much empathy for the grinch he did NOT deserve all that and he had childhood trauma to make him that way leave him ALONE !

good morning every day is unpromised yet I woke up today so let’s goooo I hope u all have a lovely day & remember today is never too late to be brand new

I am so talented at oversharing online while simultaneously keeping the most intimate aspects of my life private it’s actually so funny

apparently, everyone has a neighbor that never shuts their blinds and you can see them walking around half naked all the time, but I’ve never witnessed that bc I am that neighbor

how did I go my whole life thinking the ball of your foot is the back heel part 😭😭 I just googled this 3 seconds ago to discover I was wrong

TACOS

but have u ever considered the color yellow

my step dad ate all of the vegan breakfast sausage that my mom bought for me for when I visit LOL this man didn’t even realize it’s fake meat I’m screaming

you will never find me on the “quiet posters” list. I’m either running my mouth or deactivated

thinking about the chappell doppelgänger that was in the dentist waiting room with me the other day. I told my partner about her and they’re like well did u talk to her. ?she looked like chappell roan, how would I have the ability to talk

I can’t stand people who make being late to everything their entire personality 😭 baby that’s a flaw

FUZZY SOCKS SAVE MEEEEEE

seeing the phrase hot coco on the timeline and thinking someone is addressing me

cajun fries I love you

one time 4 years ago a bald man approached me and made me extremely uncomfy so now any time my dog sees a bald man it’s literally on sight

pajamas ❌ PJs ❌ jammies ✅

I told myself I will make coffee at home to save money today and then I stepped in dog shit literally 7 seconds later so now I will be buying coffee shop iced coffee just to offset the small inconvenience. coco math

what is it called when you make all your life decisions bc of dreams you had (career change, moving states etc) and you woke up and were like ok thank you for this idea<3 then everything works out perfectly bc that’s just how I navigate my life quite literally

i love looking up articles like “what not to do when a coyote approaches you” and it’s just a list of everything I do

my check engine light came on bc it can’t stand seeing me happy

in my bob era btw

both Sydney and I had dreams about me returning to bsky so I guess it is written in the stars that I must appear again

currently in hell (in a loud restaurant with people talking and tvs on and forks hitting plates and bright overhead lights)

letting myself act up as a lil treat

tiktok lost its sparkle ever since it banned me in 2021. it’s gone downhill ever since then

making a ngl so I can send myself questions and then be like who said this. u freak. show yourself

as a man u should be surprised if I follow u. honored, even

what the french toast (confused and angry)

not me taking this post to a coffee shop or some shit and showing it to the register like “coco said i get a lil treat!”

people who have followed me for longer than 6 months deserve a treat. like a work bonus or something. to boost morale

i love DMing people with full intentions to start a conversation and then just not answering back after they reply. like I hope u see the sentiment &that i would die 4 u. that’s my way of saying that but i just don’t have energy to keep up with my own endeavors

stop changing ur pfp’s you’re all becoming strangers to me im scared

y’all I need someone to come pet my hair rn it’s so soft n silky (u get nothing in return)

God spoke to me and told me that halloween needs to be celebrated all of august, september, and october

why ask chat gpt when u can ask a magic 8 ball. did u ever think about that

I’ve reached the coughing stage of the flu

do u guys miss me when you put your phone down

I’m ngl tide pods are still like forbidden gushers to me. every time I see one I just want to chomp

I would’ve never guessed this . definitely not

all I had yesterday was 4 saltine crackers so let’s see if I can eat anything today 🤒👊

I fr haven’t been this physically ill in a long time. I’m starting to worry. I absolutely despise going to urgent care tho. i just wanna make it through the night and deal with it tomorrow

I can’t tell if cosmic brownies are gross or delicious bc I’m too blinded by the nostalgia when I eat them

this yellow hair tinsel is so fucking tacky. definitely the most obnoxious tinsel I’ve gotten so far (I’m in love)

hey so nobody else is allowed to follow me because i’ve actually reached capacity on the amount of people who can handle my crazy ass and I know this by the way some of yall be responding to my jokes lately 😭😭