Aaaarrrrgghh Péter

Listening to the Artemis presser from the other room and hoping orange shitgibbon isn’t coming on

I know some badass VTs get you straightened out real quick

I’d hate the DME documentation to cover those wheelchairs

This is what Junie thinks about all this

Big Arches all around in the new east wing

If you’re an astronaut needing a poo do you do it in the capsule or wait until the aircraft carrier

My daughters did that

Forward

Go on all you want about petrogeopolitics we’ve got the Straits of Hormel less than 150 miles from here. Pray your potted pork products continue to ply I 90 without foreign interference

Imagine if a superpower throws an apocalypse and god doesn’t come

Hahahahahahahahahahahaha gasp hahahahahaha

Can I bring a book to jury duty

So February is sugaring season now

Are there any badgers in these teams

Some bs right there man

The butter wouldn’t melt so I put it in the pie

What in the name of end stage capitalism is this

These unvaccinated dumbasses don’t mind coming in and spreading the plague so I can tell them antibiotics don’t fix influenza

Hear me out single serving braunschweiger like American cheese the kids would love it

I’m such a foofaroo

It’s been the damn Portuguese this whole time

Amazing how 2 words have increased HPV vaccine uptake

Is this 31 year old Menards bag worth more as artifact or fire starter

What is the highest number of turnovers in a football game

Best thing about no dog in the fight football is rooting for the underdog which can change every 5 minutes

A generous slug of Malort will wash the taste of defeat out of their mouths

I remember the Green Bay press gazette with a picture of a zero and 35 years ago in large print, mom telling me it wasn’t that long ago. 1989 just happened

Ok The Descendants is on got the Bounty roll and Fernet and coke

Just heard Rodgers start calling the play is it normal for it to sound the same after like twenty years

Took my daughters to Sephora tonight after picking them up for the holiday. Was sniffing various perfumes while they shopped and explained to a worker eyeing me up that I was there with my kids. 5 minutes later daughter told me a different worker asked if they knew me and were they OK.

What was first Dirk Diggler or Peter Dinklage

Kurl the CDC is blowed up we gotta hit the road think Canadia has walkers?

Ok I know it’s a toilet paper cartoon with bears but who inspected butts for Klingons

Let’s hold a pageant for who can rise to become a pimple on Mark Kelly’s rear end

I’ll spend my money on a swinging chick return around and make me sick and I got some money ‘til we fly I’m lazy and im white and I’m sick

Unrestrained boobage has real implications at NASCAR speeds

Everyone knows baby corn is just adult corn cut into small pieces

Felch/Falched/Fulched

Those horses whinnies were on point js.

From here on out it’s eggs Benidont

Never gonna be president

Along with no Christmas presents let’s bring back the peanut butter stuffed onion and traveling in empty boxcars

Seems like this should already be a thing. It’s not though but needs to be. It’s

Spanktown why haven’t I heard about that until Ken Burns told me

Sex and dwugs and wock and woll

If you told me there was this amazing essay about Simon & Garfunkel & a horse farm I *needed* to read, I'd--well, I wouldn't. But damn, this is it, by Cassidy Exner, latest in series of young writers approaching the Trumpocene slant rhyme. callingallsyllables.substack.com/p/eddie-wher...

Anyone else have their plane return to the gate to pick up another crew member?

Someone crop dusted the elevator rode up 17 floors guess I’m getting the NYC version of Northern Lights because I smell colors now