Replacing my keys with needles so I can check my blood sugar while I type

I think gambling would be pretty cool if I could win most of the time

mr beast told me something important in a dream

I hate evil premonitions

shout out to the biracial baddies

The most insufferable person you know just told somebody new that everybody should work in food service at least once a

117th time's the charm

I feel like such a gay retard when I find out a song I like was made by someone 10 years younger than me

noo youre so hot don’t get reduced renal function

I have so many addictions and responsibilities that it’s hard to keep up

bro scaring the hoes with his “SPQR”

Yeah keep doing my mom. I’m only doing my best…

waiter waiter, more short form video content!

you’re so hot, please don’t lock yourself out of your car

my sick little secret is that I love tripping over things and thats why I do it so often

I hope the tariffs don’t affect my orders of industrial machinery from alibaba

Maybe we can share more ai slop, and love?

Five calls from people trying to sell me solar power today. Just when I thought I had escaped spam callers

people from new york are very silly

letting the cowardly lion hit

The worst insult is having your therapist say you should try stand up comedy

I have termite derangement syndrome

Im inventing a medication that makes you really sleepy but unable to sleep

if I had to assume, I would guess that there’s an ancient evil plotting against me

not proud to admit to crashing out on a another foreign call center worker

I actually hate being so chill and cool

evil deeds are being done

what if it was polycool and you were just chill

I leveled up and there’s no mexcan food in walking distance. fuck

we need a little more love and a little less hate in this house

dude please don’t trollface me man

Military aircraft have been getting a bit out of control here

guy whose body is like 30% used needles

I didn't come to grad school just to get my number banned on whatsapp

Call me a zombie the way you can kill me by shooting me in the head

It's time to become 30% more corporate

being 30 is a state of mind

clothes that dissolve in the shower

I make sure to have my roommates read these once and a while to confirm that they're mid af

There are geniuses at the daily mail

There’s so many spiders and bugs in my apartment. I really didn’t know what I was getting into I guess

sorry for being weird and evil

spraying alcohol into my eyes to help me wake up

they're putting me in the electric chair for chuckling at a chudjak

back to playing murder mystery visual novels. This is my happy place

ah great, just like real life

actually getting rejected from jobs really turns me on

the accounts with 100 followers 3.5 following type beats scare the shit out of me

You ever get like new jewelry and then struggle and feel retarded trying to put it on