It’s almost noon on a weekday and I’m trying to figure out why I’m seeing a school aged kid on a hairdresser’s live getting their hair done…..this why they can’t read!

Tallying up the nut shit that happens to me today and converting it to drinks I’ll have tonight. So far at 3.

Fathers glorifying white men in their home is how you get a Sherrone Moore.

Women on TikTok complaining about their husbands being useless during football season. Well…you didn’t have to marry him 🤷🏽‍♀️

I was such a handywoman yesterday. Unclogged a drain, put on license plates and hung up a large frame 💪🏾

Those business casual shorts are coming back in style and I wish I kept the ones I had in 2011 😩

😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

The Jesus vs the trillion dollars hypoghettical just shows who actually has a relationship with the divine currently and who doesn’t. Cause if you’re picking Jesus then you don’t really believe what you’ve been preaching. You need to physically see him to have faith 🌚.

I have to mediate a custody battle over a plant and a Buddha statue at the dinner table on Thursday. What about yall?

The people are running down on that church after they embarrassed the little girl. Honestly if you gonna have a negative opinion about Christianity and the church that’s only way you can resolve it. Too much chatting not enough stepping.

Just saw someone ask “who’s eating fried chicken on thanksgiving?” After I just asked my mom to fry some chicken on Thursday 🌚

I can’t believe there was time in my life when I didn’t like cheese tortellini. So glad to have been delivered.

Stores started acting like 10-20% off was a steal.

Kid germs tried to kill me over the weekend omg. My lungs were about to expel themselves my body 😵‍💫

Google AI is so fucking stupid

Making white men uncomfortable is my fav pastime. Man tried to manspread over 2 train seats then after I sat down spent the rest of the ride contorting himself instead of just sitting straight like a normal fucking person. You wouldn’t dare sit like that in the boardroom pussy.

They are already turning on Mamdani. It’s almost like these people don’t want any real change and therefore are no different than conservatives. Rinse and repeat.

This trend of women revealing how the men are literally eating them out of house and home…get them out of your house FOR GOOD.

Am I absolutely insane for getting on a plane tonight? Yes. But I also was trolloping through Barcelona at the beginning of covid 🙃

Today went by so mf fast.

The airlines conceding to cancellations instead of dropping their balls and forcing an end to the shutdown was not on my list of outcomes 🧐

I know my dad holds his breath texting me good morning cause I’m liable to say anything lmfao.

Bird pooped on me walking into the office. I need all the luck today.

Presented my mom her birthday gift of 3 handles of the her choice liquor right before church. Communion, amen.

This coffee shop is open Thurs-Sat 1pm-9pm. Money laundering?

MTV about to close up shop altogether.

Christians need to stop proclaiming God’s plan in the wake of tragedy. God can handle the criticism and questions. And if God can’t, then why are you serving a weak God?

If I was still processing cardholder disputes I would deny everyone trying to dispute their Jamaica vacations. 1) because you’re stupid and 2) because you paid for a room and indeed got a room at the hotel. NEXT.

My guilty pleasure is watching New Yorkers try to enforce their subway/walking etiquette and get completely ignored in their own city lmfao. Yea, stick that chest back in. Sorry @farrahesq.bsky.social 🤣

Watching a cooking video and homegirl said holy trinity but didn’t use celery and said falling off the bone but the meat was boneless. Delete this shit.

Ppl who are bringing up the legality of him trying to be President for a third term really need to wake up.

Olivia’s “A Couple Minutes” is nawt a song for your wedding pictures omg open the schools!

My dad gonna cuss me out next time we get on the phone cause I keep texting him all the tinfoil theories unprovoked. I gotta beat his hotepery to the punch 💀

Made a few dashboards and now I’m getting bribed with gift cards to do my job 🙂‍↔️

This tweet has been added to your file of claims you can’t refute

Just saw a local posting looking for roommates in a 3br/1ba apt. Charging $1500 & $1700 for each room. Is it crack?!? The whole apartment isn’t even worth 3k. This is nawt nyc.

Saw a video of a best man boohooing during his speech to the newlyweds. Something smells fishy with that one.

If America dies, her epitaph will read, "They wanted whiteness more than they wanted a country." No wonder so many of you still socialize with your GOP families and friends: you think they sort of have a point. You tell Black people to set race aside while clinging desperately to it yourselves.

Hey Death, I need you to lock in, bro.

Blessed to be the legacy of a gang of sisters who were putting hands, feet and cast irons upside their husbands’ heads.

My nana’s first cousin who’s known me my whole 34 years of life just asked for my full name. I am absolutely the relative who’s government remains unknown 💀

There’s a collective loss of sympathy for people who get online and complain about circumstances they chose to be put in. That’s a good thing, maybe start making better choices and start questioning why your parents didn’t care about your future. They didn’t teach you about risk or discernment.

Old Twitter was a CIRCUS. 😂😂😂

My free egg lady really gone (not dead just quit) 😩

I’ve reached the point of adulthood where I’m parking at the airport. The uber drivers have been fucking maniacs.

My bestie picked me up from the train and took me straight to da club at 9:30am 🤭🫣

Only thing between me and the weekend is looping in my VP to cuss out some innit bruvs and threaten to cancel a contract before it’s even signed.

If married women keep proclaiming they somehow had no agency in becoming a wife and blacked out for years on end, all women are going to lose their rights. Because if you don’t get the fuck on from that man and start making big girl decisions, big gov gonna make sure you can’t.

The greatest philosophical question of the century is “why would a man be there?”

How does the next country prevent itself from falling to fascism?