Great seasonal idea: All those unclaimed candy canes? Rebrand them as... Valentine Barber Poles!

I shall be asleep before the ball drops. My cat said, "If they drop the ball, it's MINE. I shall swat and chase it all night long."

Scientific finding: gingerbread coffee tastes great after Christmas, too. It's that half-price aroma that gives it staying power. Everything tastes better at a discount!

Looking into the eyes of my cat, I wonder if I rescued her, or vice versa? We wish all cat (and dog) people a blessed holiday.

Do me a pre-Christmas favor, please. Don't tell any more kids with December birthdays "you'll make it up to them at Christmas." I have met so many sad adults who were ignored as kids, even though they never got to choose the month they were born in!

Someone update me, please. Has anyone ordered a new book from Amazon that has been delivered in a safe, adequate package? Such as, a padded envelope or box My hardcover journal came in clear shrink-wrap with the shipping label stuck to it. Yes, the cover got crunched. How bloody wasteful.

Big stores should offer Happy Hour for shoppers every December!

Thank-you notes after Christmas won't be hard. That is, if you start NOW by posting your thanks. Some of my best finds of the day look like mini ESSAYS. Thoughtful posts take time to construct. I appreciate every person here who does that. You're all star "skeeters."

audhdhumor.substack.com/p/home-alone... Check out my new post, please!

just said goodbye to this guy

Heck, yeah! I'd drink to that. Nice work, Scott!

audhdhumor.substack.com/p/home-alone... Check out my new post, please!

Thank-you notes after Christmas won't be hard. That is, if you start NOW by posting your thanks. Some of my best finds of the day look like mini ESSAYS. Thoughtful posts take time to construct. I appreciate every person here who does that. You're all star "skeeters."

This is so good/funny/TRUE, Doug. Some superheroes are unknown, because they've never had opportunities to use their secret powers. But they're ready, too. True Badassery!

Happy December 1st! It is officially the Christmas season and to celebrate, I made a Bubble Gum Pop Art advent calendar! It's been a crazy year for me and the project, and next year is looking even crazier! Thanks for being here with me this festive season. 24 days 'till the big guy is here! 🎅

In a poorly-plowed Walmart parking lot, I did the splits on the slick snow-pack. I tried to be like a Nicholas Brother. Could I just put it in reverse and come out of the splits? Nope. Some things only happen in movies, I thought, as I was sprawled on the pavement, laughing my snowy ass off.

So funny. You've got quite a good-looking creation here, Scott! If anyone could pull this off, it's YOU.

I'm a grateful Twitter escapee. I am thankful for all the positivity here that keeps my sky blue!

No box. No padded mailer. Just shrink-wrap and a shipping label from Amazon. Why wouldn't both covers get crunched and mangled? I paid for a new hardcover journal. Instead, this mess is what they offer. Beware!

Who will you thank today?

I don't believe those recordings. A simpler version would be, "Don't press any buttons until I'm done talking, okay?"

America is facing a very different future. Every time I call a business, the pre-recorded voice says, "Listen carefully. All of our options have changed!"

I'm tired of the voice-mail saying "Please leave a BRIEF message." I think I have crafted the perfect reply: "I have completed my novel manuscript. It's only 900 pages. Ready? CHAPTER ONE."

First snow of the season here. No accumulation. Just a dusting of powdered sugar. Resist the crabby crabs who want to grouse about the news. "Just wait til the snow's up to your waist!" they'll warn. "No fun then!" Ignore them. Beauty and magic are free for the taking.

"Wait a minute. Does that bonus hour get subtracted from my nap time?" - Questions from pets everywhere today. After eating breakfast early, they realized their early-bird meals come with a cost.

I don't think Frankenstein ever sewed, you only need one thread to connect all those parts. I always thought of Frankenstein as a quilt that came to life!

More than fine art. That's a great tribute to an underrrated STAR!

I think the most flattering thing you can do for people you've just met is LEARNING THEIR NAMES.

That is FUN. Well done. Thanks for sharing!

I am so tired of the used-to-death phrase "Pick your brain" as slang for asking questions (for free). This is what I think of the e-mail request belonging to EYEGOR from the 1974 movie. You have my permission to watch it again. Blame Halloween on the diversion.

Just because you witness the same thing happening weekly (such as the kind store sample lady or the attentive teen bagger) don't minimize those happenings. These repeated blessings may be gifts that no other person has ever summed up before.

Total agreement, Jenny. I would go so far as to say occasional hand gestures. Not a "stop sign" signal, but a visual clue that you've thought of something worth value.

I loved this at my local grocery store. The manager taking students seriously. Giving them a taste of the real world. Who gave you your first big chance as a teen?

The geese swooped low over the field across the street. Their shadows seemed like an encore. I thought of the Blue Angels, the Navy's precision flying team. All I had to do was stop and be amazed! (Illustration made with Meta AI.)

"That SUCKS." You don't have to reinvent the English language to connect with readers. Likewise, you don't need 1,001 words to make a point. If you are writing about YOUR feelings, use YOUR words.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=jIby... In honor of National Coffee Day, the Java Jive!

I predict FLYING RAISINS will be a company brand name in a year!

Please, PET YOUR PET today. You are their world. Thank them!

Who has been peeking at their Bluesky page while at work on a Friday afternoon? There needs to be more memoirs about people who work a job. A friend said to me, "I am not my job. My job doesn't define me. I have a life." Meanwhile, clock watchers, prepare to be like Fred Flintstone!

How many of you have to recheck your Bluesky later in the day because of second thoughts? "Did I post that great idea, or did I stop with only THINKING ABOUT posting a great idea that I never even wrote?"

I have lost 30 pounds this year, giving up several fun foods I'd gobble all day long. If my memoir focused solely on my weight loss, I'd call it: My Impure High-Calorie Thoughts

Yes. Agreed. I have set up at numerous book fairs as an author. Everyone knows you may not sell a single copy of your book. The worst feeling, though, is attendees afraid to speak to you, because you'll hypnotize them into buying.

Your uplifting new book and The Inspired Collective are bringing hope to the creatively discouraged. People like ME. I am one of the Whos down in Whoville. Instead of shouting, "We are here!" I'm calling out "We are writers. We are authors!" Thank you for shining your spotlight on us.

I just got Amie McNee's new book. WOW. If you feel alone or discouraged as a creator, this author will supercharge your imagination. This is the ultimate pep talk for someone trying to make things, but not knowing how to keep going.

Memoirists: what kind of chapter would you write about your yesterday? DId you act with intention, or just REact? Turn the page. Be here NOW.

Tell your story YOUR way. Believe in yourself.

I was honored to be asked. Sending early this week!

Do you start your weekend emotionally on Thursday, then ghost-walk through the last workday? That's not as terrible as you might think. Check out how your co-workers half-ass the end of their workweek tomorrow!

Great insight, Jenny. Learning to "read the room" means to gauge the general vibe or attitude of those you are interacting with. Assuming there's a problem CREATES a problem. PAUSE is a great word in this advice!

Memoirists, make sure that readers will understand the "where" details in your story. "I hung out at the mall growing up," you might write. How many readers might not know what a mall IS?