college football is so fucked up for many many reasons and a minor one that’s getting me today is that “teen thinks about transferring colleges” should not make the regional newspaper. let these kids live their lives without this kind of scrutiny!!

hosting christmas, even for just three other people, is EXHAUSTING

my dog, who sniffs her own butt after she farts, has better human manners than my parents

libraries are so goated

nothing quite like a bowl of simple cacio e pepe on a night when youre too wiped to cook anything that takes more then 10 minutes

the canonical version of Santa Baby is miss piggy’s cover m.youtube.com/watch?v=cdP1...

bro hector just shouldnt have killed patroclus. boom totally different ending to the trojan war

if I had a nickel for every they/she nonbinary lesbian cousin age 24-25 who has converted to judaism id have two nickels. which isn’t a lot but its weird that it happened twice

i switched mid-year from spotify to Apple Music so my wrapped is only for like six months. that said my overall taste is certified Gay Guy ™️

absolutely insane that everyone in the Iliad is constantly stripping their fallen foes’ armor and weapons in the middle of active combat on the battlefield. skyrim-ass mechanics

i see anti-consumerist black friday posts and am like “yes but this is when i stock up on underwear and socks!” and then the posts continue on to talk about people buying tablets and the latest phone model and brand name thingies i have never heard of and then i am like :0

having been vegetarian for 11 years, I now (a) couldn’t cook a turkey if my life depended on it and (b) forget that turkey is the traditional centerpiece rather than mac&cheese

WHO put barbarella in the historical fiction section

oh man nothing drives me personally up the wall like casual friends dropping “feminist” takes that are slightly dressed up versions of “woman good man bad”

stretch selvedge and zips on high-quality-leather boots are offensive

steaming broccoli 😵 roasting broccoli 😋

watching the local news and an honest-to-god televangelist ad came on. what the actual fuck!! I have never seen one in the wild and did not think they still did these!!!

bought myself an expensive new dick woooooo happy early holidays to me

it’s honestly so based that both my parents hate cops

every millennial at this wedding just had a spiritual experience on the dance floor screaming along to Thnks Fr Th Mmrs. we were all turning to each other after the song like “did you feel that”

ive been watching the x-files and man the politics of this show are weird. “the government is lying to you and there are big shadowy conspiracies” but also “we’re fbi and we love being cops and trying to get the death penalty for perps we capture”

what does it mean to “slam your body down and wind it all around”. what motion is this describing

🎶 whoa-oh, we’re full of dread 🎶 🎶 whoa-OH, hanging on by a thread 🎶

sunset today was at 4:48pm and it’s not gonna get later than that until January 19 2026

this pre-movie movie theater playlist is an insane set of aughts arcana. muse’s supermassive black hole followed by Macklemore’s thrift shop followed by the decemberists’ mariners revenge song. did i walk thru a wormhole

as someone who grew up in yankeesland and then lived my adult life in giantsland, the dodgers are my Mortal Enemy and i am full of pain-anger-sadness

let’s go blue jays!!!

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I swear to god I’m gonna go to bed and wake up in the morning and the game will still be going and they’ll be on like inning 57

LETS GO VLADDY

my instagram is showing me a reel of a normie lookin woman being excited about putting on an adidas-branded latex outfit. the normies already took puppy play from us via sabrina carpenter, are they taking latex fetish gear from us too ???

retirees’ blogs about the local gossip is actually incredibly helpful for this election

it’s bonkers to me that I am allowed to vote for port commissioner (boring manager of local port staff that requires real skills in budget management, knowledge of port stuff, connections to local business…) instead of this being a hired position. while I can’t vote for like. nyt opinions piece guy

doing my civic duty (watching a zoom recording of two retirees running for local Port Commissioner discussing their platforms)

just caught two mice in a trap and drove five miles to release them at the county park. they looked so aggrieved as they crawled away that they were being evicted. and honestly they’ve probably lived here longer than i have

WE WERE SO CLOSE 😭

nooooo the mariners 😭😭😭😭😭😭 we’re so close boys

she’s achieved Maximum Cozy

god theres something I deeply love about academic technical talks. the little wink emoji because they’re making a pun on “real” being both the adjective “actual” and the data type. given by a man with glasses too small for his face wearing a v neck sweater over a button down. nothing like it

as many of you know, my Androgynous Beauty era ended when I chopped my hair off this summer. after several months of r&d im pleased to announce that the next era will be Hot Dad At The Park

i am always tweeting this but i am dead serious that listening to a disco playlist while doing low-intensity work tasks or chores is an enormous mood booster in a way that can totally turn around a mid-to-mildly-shitty day. highly highly recommend

poll: do you think the reason I feel bad is: (a) the state of the world (b) a recent high logistical load at home (c) work stress (d) inconsistently taking my meds (e) going to bed later than i should

looking Classic Trans Guy ™️ today

i KNOW “gaslighted” is overused but HOW ELSE am i supposed to describe the feeling of listening to the special edition of an album and hearing that theres new songs IN THE MIDDLE of the track list

there’s a whole bit in Curb Your Enthusiasm about the brotherhood of bald guys. irl this is also 100% true for the brotherhood of septum piercees

there are four transmascs at this coffee shop of a dozen people this morning wtf

testosterone-voiced mullet-having gauged-ear eyeliner-wearing theythems LOVE to be at the coffee shop on a date with a goth cis woman on sunday mornings

whenever i get into bed it’s like why would I ever want to be anywhere else

restraining myself from tweeting about things that are Not My Business