girldick is part of a complete and balanced breakfast btw

Old-ass picture, but damn i wanna stroke them smooth thighs again. And i really wanna have nice people feeling me again too. 🥺✨

I dreamed of a flock of bison appearing outside. 🙀💫 🦬 🦬 🦬 🦬 🦬 🦬

☝️😺 Useful dentist trick: Draw/grab a map of your teeth and point out areas of interest to your dentist. Useful when you're busy gagging on thick vibrating drilling tools or simply don't know the nomenclature of ur mouth.

Gah, i'm jealous of all those fancy pricks in the 90's-00's who had a black shiny ceramic sitting panther figurine with mouth that goes rawr. I want it bad, very bad. 😾

When i see old videos of people, animals or even trees, i wonder if they are still alive now. In the future, with all the AI stuff of today, one will have to wonder if they ever even lived.

If you're cold, they're cold. 🐆 Let the cougar come inside. 🤲

Strange pale celestial body. It vanished a minute later.

You can always rely on guys from India, even little kids sometimes, on the Youtube to help solve your very narrow technical problems. I feel like such a dummy. 😸

Why yes, i did buy 48 cans of Red Bull (all default battery-acid flavour,) but i got them half price compared to buying them one by one, so who is really the sucker here? 😼😼😼

I engaged in intercourse with your spouse or significant other. 😼

So i guess gardening season is over. 😸🌻❄️

Imagine wanting to outlaw what consenting adult people do in the bedroom, and being stupid enough to actually believe it would ever work anywhere. There ain't no law book that can keep people from erotic asphyxiation or stapling tape worms on their penis or whatever shit people are doing nowadays.

Lower back hurting so bad, it feels like two dozen horse men with giant horse dongs have re-aligned my spine. 💀

I shouldn't have ridden the zipline thingie at the playground earlier. Not only did it squish my balls into my abdomen, but my back and hip skeleton is ruined now. Like dust. Feels like a case of old folks arthur-write-this i say. 😾😿

I feel hijacked every time clicking a URL or profile ID results in automatically grabbing it to the copy/paste clipboard. Fuckar, if i wanna copy something then i'll do it myself. Is not hard. 😾😾😾

furry ballsack

When philanthropists are commemorated with a statue of themselves sitting on a park bench, primarily serving as a hostile architecture anti-hobo feature. 💀

When you kiss your friend and get a mouthful of fuzz 🐱

Today i've pet a cat and a horse. 😽🐴

💔 Been a year since i had to say goodbye to my oldest cat of 15 years. She decided to lie down and just go in my hands at home, after i had helped her into the transport crate to bring her to the vet. She didn't enjoy car rides so it was probably for the better. Very sad experience either way. :( 🕯️

Do hipsters still exist or did they perish all at once from following the same bad guide on how to pickle cabbage? 🤔

I dreamed of finding a pair of testicles in the street and trying to locate the owner among several rough boarding schools for wealthy Scottish boys. Somehow still my best sleep in weeks. 😸

None of us gonna be alive to see GTA 6 released, i fear. 😿

Dentist ceilings have got some of the strangest artworks, and i don't mean anything you see after being pumped full of laughing gas or morphine and whatnot. 😸

I am putting together a delegation of expertise, namely: Barry McOcciner, Lee Keigh Cox, Don Kidik, Afik Puzi, Jack Meof, Ein al-Fun, Harry Balzonia and Ursis Terstitz. Together they have 69 years of field experience. 👨‍💼📈

Early 'tism symptom? Going past a graveyard as young child, i was told that "behind every stone is a dead person", so i took it literally and was surprised not to find anyone lying there behind the stones. 🫠

Life is easier when you got yourself a jacket that is wind and water resistant. It doesn't have to be bulky or even warm. 🍂😽🌧️

Throwback to that strange halloween a few years back when every other twitter femboy fucked actual pumpkins. Happy hollow-veggie-4-ur-ween everybody! 🎃

🥺

Hello. My name is (something or other) and i am a hoarder of fonts. It's reached the point where i get clogged up with lag each time i open up le Wordpad. 🫣

As a very young child, i distinctly had the misconception that the White House (🇺🇸) seen from above was shaped like the letter L. Epstein's best diddling buddy is turning it into reality with his hideous ball room construction. Crazy how things fall into place.

Some late bloomers. 🐱 #gardening

When your hair gets sucked into the blow dryer and suddenly everything starts smelling like botched home cremation. 🙀

Be as confident as a victorian candy maker who can't remember if they put the bag of arsenic next to the sugar or not. 😸🍭

hello fellow transgender peoples 🐱 What do you do with your middle names? Keep, change, remove or swap for the opposite gender variant of the same ole name? 🏳️‍⚧️

I managed to squash my fingertip and nail under a marble pedestal top that had dislodged itself from one of its legs. Now my right hand fuck-you finger is impaired and it's hurting real bad. Send revitalising energies please everybody. 😿🩹

Art advice: When drawing faces especially, flip your canvas horizontally a few times. If everything looks right even when mirrored, you know you've nailed it. 😺👌

I'd rather walk to the post service affiliate to collect a parcel than having to babysit a free and faster home delivery all day. I wish we would be more like america where they seemingly just toss your fragile goods from their van onto your porch or door. 😸

It's not too early to eat gingerbread cookies. 😺

When a fly lands on your computer screen, it isn't illegal to bully them with the mouse cursor arrow. 😺

😯

Damn it. I overdress when i go out and end up all moist and smelly because it's too hot. 😾😼

sus anal bum party 🤓

Why does my favourite tea suddenly taste like stale ole mouth? 😾🫖

These pants have vanished into the realms of missing laundry i think. I hope i can find them again. 😿

Let's go to the carnival and play whack-a-peepee. 🔨😺🎪

When i pwn some american prick in an olde ass online shooter game and they call me a "dumb fucking chick". Gender-affirming. 😻😻