Having rage hate feelings bad today. This is why I don't get out of bed.

A new fear unlocked :P en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kramato...

I must resist the nostalgic urge to buy an Apple ][e off Ebay. X.X

Well, I ain't afraid of dying, it's the thought of being dead I wanna go on being me once my eulogy's been read Don't spread my ashes out to sea, don't lay me down to rest You can put my mind at ease if you fill my last request. Stuff me up inside a fursuit when I die.

All day long, I'm wearing a mask of false bravado Trying to keep up a smile that hides a tear But as the sun goes down, I get that empty feeling again

I want to move off grid to a cave up in the mountains. Then have a bear eat me.

Another day, another week. Meh

I hate that I keep waking up each day.

In a little while from now If I'm not feeling any less sour I promise myself to treat myself And visit a nearby tower And climbing to the top Will throw myself off In an effort to Make it clear to whoever Wants to know what it's like when you're shattered

Makes me wonder if I burned up all my happy credits in the first 15 years of being in furry, rather than throttle the serotonin hits more conservatively.

MP's charity was an organization that already draws a million a year in on its own. They just chased a name instead of helping smaller struggling animal charities.

Another post from Care Foundation where you can read it directly from them how MP treated them. Care allowed them to hold a picnic at their facility and the without warning destroyed them: mailchi.mp/ea8f6e4a521c...

Since MP doesn't care about these animals anymore: mailchi.mp/c5905124fcf9...

I didn't do it for the spot light, I avoided the stage, I liked the back of house magic. But I was not known for being a part of it. I miss doing the repairs and building. Making shit work without any money.

I want to leave FL, but would never find the same kind of work elsewhere.

I thought things were going great like 10 years ago. Got dream job, started making amazing money, getting my name baked into attractions that will be seen way into the future.

They say forgive and forget. But I can't do it. It's obvious that they won, and don't give a shit about what they did. They are now basking in it.

Everyone says it will get better with time. No, it is only getting worse for me. It has removed all the fun from my life. I can't even get the urge to fursuit anymore.

I've never in my life ever wished 5 people would drop dead in a horrific fashion. I'm prolly going to hell for having those feelings.

And no, as I said before, I'm not doing anything to harm myself. I'm just giving up to make any efforts to go on.

Now I'm hoping for a major medical event to just end it. Just let it be quick and painless

But now I have crashed to being lower than what I was 30-35 years ago.

I remember the energy and joy and high of when I worked Chuck E Cheese, to the point I found yiffnet in 97 being the most amazing high ever. It let me go off anti depressants cold turkey.

I thought getting away to Denfur would help, but all I got was scammed out of cash, and disappointment that anyone I wanted to see went to the other con. I should have stayed home and drank myself blackout for the week. Would have been cheaper

I have lost all interest in intimacy or sex drive. Seems the only videos I seek out on internet are watching death and destruction.

Can't go on furry cruise because a board member goes on that. And now that con wants to take away any chance of furloween ever happening again.

And it is encroaching on my work as well. Can't motivate to excel any more. Even pondered retiring early and living in poverty just to never have to get out of bed again

Just because someone sees me laughing, doesn't mean I'm happy. There are maybe 5 minutes of funny every so often, but in general, I will go days without cracking a smile.

I've never in my life wanted to see people succumb to the worst till 4 years ago. But that isn't happening. I really don't want to go on.

And since MP cold hearted ripped support from care foundation, they are in serious distress as well.

MP passed a 10K milestone, and I was denied being part of it. I have so much anger and rage, I can't explain. I really can't handle this anymore.

I did Denfur, bored. I did meow wolf, and that was so far the best thing in Denver so far. I did Pikes peak and got sunburned. What else is there to do in Denver?

10% want to have Yappy 3.0 made. 90% want to sell/burn all fursuits and disappear from Furry.

Who was tall raccoon at #denfur wearing a hat?

This weekend was the anniversary of my mom's passing. I had forgotten about that thru all the other rage I'm hyper focused on.

Being in fursuit is like wearing an astronaut suit that seals me in away from the outside world. I can't even do a partial or ever a poodle, because I feel that is a leaking point of my safety. Once I put the head on, I feel safe. I'm away from public view, and no one can see the tears.

So if kigus become business casual, fursuit is executive dress.

Buy a single day pass for MP and wait 5 hours to get thru reg. Such a waste. They totally trashed the reg system I had built that got people thru in 30-45 min at peak. Hope that people appreciate the unraveling of the stuff we worked so hard to build.

I'm really confused by the random microwave ovens they have in the conventions space at Denfur. Not like there are bagel bites or hot pockets around

Wish there were licensed therapist within the fandom. That way you don't have to explain all those complexities before getting to the broken stuff, or rather the more broken than the furry part

Those that ask for free bell carts instead of using bellmen. Fine. But bringing cart to your room and then just leaving it outside your door all night so that no one else can get one. You suck!

Just because I dress business casual at a con does not mean I'm event staff. I'm prolly dressed better than the staff :)

PSA time.. @claud_dee_ on X is a scammer. They Baited Yappy out of $500 on a room share scam, and he being too trusting fell for it, even against his instincts. Assholes like this make people not want to help others anymore. Spread the word.

That is the last of my charity to this fandom. I've given thousands to help people out over the years. Then this happens.

Just another reason to leave furry.

I should just fucking fly back home tomorrow

Well it seems I might have been victim to a con room scam. Great way to start the con. Out $500. I knew it smelled fishy and I fell for it.

Mountain time is enough of a jump that i will feel jet lag. Prolly be awake at 3am and asleep by 9pm

A box of 150 mints broke open in my carryon when I dropped it. Looked like I was a pill smuggler when I opened it. Smells minty tho.