If I hear one more person on #masterchef say that a scallop must be caramelised and seared on the outside and soft on the inside I’m gonna hurt somebody

May this level of self loathing never find me

Warm baguette, cold salty butter and jam, plus coffee = beautiful bit of breakfast

I am now the same age as Barbra Bel Geddes when she started playing Miss Ellie in Dallas #56

Imagine having this shining into your bedroom window. I feel like I’m in a bloody lighthouse

Grace Dent and Anna Haugh are presenting #Masterchef with humour, wit and kindness. They’re knocking that previous pair of chumps into a cocked hat

Because I’m a grown up <apparently> I bought the constituent parts of a cream tea and have just scoffed two, back to back

Am I the only person on Instagram who isn’t promoting Katkins cat food or a collagen powder

Arf

One Flew Over The Cuckoos Nest at the Old Vic: a generous 2 stars out of 5 The girls in front who chatted the whole way through - negative 10 stars

Tea is a cheese and fish finger sarnie and Prosecco

Three of the 4 remaining couples on #RaceAcrosstheWorld have a self centred man and a docile agreeing woman who says yes to his whims. It’s irritating

Oh Mary! with Mason Alexander Park was hilarious, high camp, over the top, and just brilliant

Had a wonderful time watching Amelie (25 years old this year) with my youngest as a belated Mother’s Day treat

If you haven’t watched The Assembly with Stephen Fry, do. It’s really good

I love how Sarah Waters writes

Insurance riles me up more than anything these days. We all need it for everything, never claim, and if we do, it’s ££££ more. Even asking a question is perceived as a partial claim😩😩

Went to Devils Punchbowl at Hindhead for a walk - fantastic views. Lots of toggle trousers and a nice cafe and loos #CybsReview

I still maintain InPost Lockers are this century’s greatest invention

My parents came for lunch and stayed until 4.15! This is unheard of

Thank you for your order. We’re getting your order ready. Your courier has your order Your courier is on the way Your courier will arrive between 11.13 and 14.37 Your package is delivered. feedback on your courier feedback on your purchase 8 emails where 1 will do

I’m applying for The Great British Melt and Mix Off 2027

Just doing the Great Spring Clothes Swap Over™️ and I can confirm zipped bags with a clear panel are > lidded boxes

John Lewis have replaced my faulty cordless Hoover and I collected it yesterday. They wanted the faulty one back at the same time but I forgot the charger etc so said I’d go back another day. But do I have to? I have my new Hoover. I cannot be arsed lol

I’m going to say I wish there were more older people on #RaceAcrossTheWorld

Plus I’ve just paid over the odds for a polka dot adidas track top and I don’t care HAPPY EASTER TO ME

I see lots of Instagram videos using the term ‘mid size’ ‘MY MID SIZE BODY’ ‘How to dress my mid size body’ Who decides what’s ‘mid’ size? Or ‘plus’ size? We’re all just …. a size

Watching @rosematafeo.bsky.social co hosting on Pointless reminded me of #Starstruck which I loved and am now rebinge watching

Look how light it is!

Isn’t The Pitt good? Proper ER vibes (although they’re mumbling a lot)

Pie and a pint tonight

I wish I’d had £100 on the Temu Brad Pitt lookalike winning Masterchef professionals. I said it from the start!

I’m considering packing up my tri-weekly- nearly 2 hour- £30 a time- nail salon habit. Anyone else given this up?

I’m too cautious and have been teaching too long to say my crazy nursery class have turned a corner but I WILL say the corner is in the dim distance (as long as it’s not windy. Or a dress up day. Or there’s a Y in the month)

Is anyone watching Masterchef The professionals WITH THE DEEP FRIED RABBITS EYEBALLS #Bushtucker

So what else have I missed. Please tell me something juicy

After a strange rehash of Pride and Prejudice in the first 2 episodes I’m really enjoying ‘The Other Bennett Sister’

Marks and Spencer’s iced spiced buns are the best of all the buns

Have you seen Weapons? We’re totally gripped and keep gasping and shrieking

Still eating Xmas pudding. For lunch

Just unfollowed blocked a so called women’s self help ‘accept yourself’ instagram guru who’s filmed herself recovering from a deep plane face and neck left. Internalised misogyny runs deep

Jennifer Saunders in the Amandaland Xmas special was 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼😂😂😂

Christmas hot dogs here- skinny sausages, melted Camembert and cranberry sauce in a finger roll

We’ve been playing Uno No Mercy and it’s RELENTLESS

After Eights are the best Christmas chocolate. I won’t be taking questions at this time

My son just opened the box of After Eight Mints FROM THE END. I’ve sellotaped it, opened it properly and have contacted my legal team

The kids are doing a 1000 piece jigsaw of Her Majesty The Queen that my daughter won in a quiz and the cat is helping

Festive Felicitations to you all 😍😍🧑‍🎄🧑‍🎄🧑‍🎄🧑‍🎄💃💃💃💃

No room in the fridge but nothing that we can eat today

THE WASHING MACHINE IS NOW CLOSED FOR CHRISTMAS. I do not want my artfully decorated house bedecked with airers full of damp socks