Trump deploying the national guard as there's too much crime in DC is a great move. They can start by arresting the peadophile in the white house.

OK who has a spare standing tickets for oasis at Murrayfield on the 12th of August that they want to sell me for face value... I feel like I'm not asking for too much here...

Pizza piss #England #lionesses

Manager of the season #nufc

Choosing between Man united and Spurs is like choosing which testicle to have chewed off

The way this government and the tories are going it's going to be the greens vs reform at the next election

Does the new pope wear a silly hat?

Why does Trump talk to Putin as if its his dominatrix?

Best 80 million we never spent

Hahahahaha that penalty was far too Eze for pope to save... #nufc

The Katy Perry space malarkey gets even better when you realise this is the image that she showed of her setlist and no one can read it. Just look out the window you melt

Today has been the day that we've all learnt how to spell carabao #nufc #championes

Right. It's trafalgar isn't it? #cans

That's weird, I saw him being fucking class against Liverpool

Dan burns getting a statue in my garden next week #nufc

One word. Cans #nufc

Is it trafalgar square tonight? #nufc #newcastle

I am led to believe that he is indeed from blyth #nufc #bdb

Me being told its £8.15 a pint in London #NUFC

Happy Glastonbury lineup release date to all who celebrate maybe... I have a sneaky feeling we will see Rod Stewarts name on the line up... #intheknow

That Trudeau speech is impressive, standing up to the school bully and putting him in his place, all whilst being beautifully polite. A true Canadian patriot

That was a Minteh transfer decision from Paul Mitchell... #NUFC

Zelensky "I need ammunition not a ride" Trump, faked bone spurs so he didn't have to fight for his country Only one hero here, and he doesn't need to wear a suit.

Battle of the biggest cunts going on at Tesco

Weird that Arsenal are struggling to score despite having Alexander Isak in their squad.... #NUFC

Got a Tesco delivery at 8pm last night and as the driver left I told him to enjoy his weekend. I haven't been able to stop thinking about it since.

Troy Deeney sounds exactly like how I imagine a crumpet would speak

Vibes #nufc

Lovee that Lewis Miley has been bullied into wearing a long sleeve under armour to hide that shite tattoo 😂 #NUFC

Someone at work has made the point that the Russians must have some dirt on Trump and are currently blackmailing him... wouldn't even surprise me if it's true

Tweeted direct from Mar-a-lagograd

He sells chicken thiiiiiiigggghhhs You'll never ever beat dan burn

In all the fuck ups of president Musk's reign so far this is my favourite

Nothing screams punk quite like a government watchdog.

If Starmer puts Tariffs on Teslas he will win the hearts and souls of the nation.

BP abandoning climate pledges and projects because their profits were down to only **checks notes** £7.2 billion

We revealed Nigel Farage’s voting record to his constituents in Clacton. They weren’t happy.

Introducing to Bluesky, Penguin the kitten! She's a sassy little lady and settling in just fine! #catsofbluesky

Beautiful crafted assist from fan favourite Sean Longstaff, surely has to start next game #NUFC

Tell me ma me ma, I will be home for tea, No chance in the cup final ballot for me Tell me ma me maaaaa #NUFC #ballotlife

Flights and hotel all booked, probably a miniscule chance of a ticket but fuck it let's take over the capital again #NUFC

42 minutes to go #NUFC

43 minutes to go #NUFC

I absolutely can't wait for full time to hear artetas tears

New wor flags display leaked for tonight #ShithouseryMags #NUFC

Hearing reports that #NUFC are lining up a last minute loan deal for Hamza Choudhury

Public ownership now.