there's no joke to this post, im just losing my mind at zoomers calling mixtape "millenial cringe" when it's the most gen x bullshit i've ever seen, made by a guy literally named "johnny galvatron"

me: woah man, chill out! I didn't know, okay?! take it easy! no reason either of us needs to get hurt! the vortigaunt whose girl i was just hitting on: chah! galanguh ga! (crackling with electricity)

Something nobody ever tells you growing up: even though your penis bigger than Greek statue, you're still feel small because of the guy in the porno.

The staff won't stop PETITIONING ME to cease my dark experimentation! Imagine! The servants, petitioning the lord of the estate! All over a few headless pauper boys, walking the grounds at night, whispering their truths with no worldly tongue. Like, get over yourselves! Nobody's that special.

The breaking of Miquella's Great Rune hits different as someone who lived through 9/11.

What if Sonic the Hedgehog was like Glen Quagmire from the Family Guy? "Giggity-giggity-gotta go fast!" Haha, follow for more funny jokes only men can write!

Call me Dr. Robotnik the way my Machine goes Mean on the Bean.

deadlock (april fools)

Transforming into a worse person daily! To prove all youth pastors wrong, definitively!

Yes, I AM cringe, because I AM. You simply are. I CHOOSE to exist, you JUST exist, prokaryotic, singular, lacking in PURPOSE. So think twice for your lack of FEELING and CARE next time you criticize my decades long love for Soren Fire Emblem: Path of Radiance and his supple fey mien.

I will never understand why white boys choose racism over being a lil funky.

IF YOU HAVE NEVER PLAYED A MOBA BEFORE BUT HAVE A BACKGROUND IN HERO SHOOTERS, PLEASE DON'T START PLAYING DEADLOCK!!! THERE'S ENOUGH OF YOU ALREADY!!! IM TIRED OF LOSING!!!

The Batman Beyond (1999) television opening sequence was a formative experience for me, a real nineties kid. Like and Share if you, too, think about sucking off effeminate boys and hearing them moan!

breaking kayfabe to say i finished writing a 184k word novel about four bisexual idiots adventuring, navigating their feelings, and doing their best to avoid being eaten by unspeakable horrors. there's a hot old elf lady in it, and a zombie tiger gets its head ripped off. one of them pisses herself.

deadlock (i was blamed for this loss)

The greatest video game soundtrack you will ever hear is not "Final Fantasy" or "Monster Hunter", NO! It is from a Sega Megadrive game where you play as a prince and princess in love, transformed into magical breakout paddles, on a quest to fight the devil.

deadlock (most healing)

As a real elite gamer, I require my games to be tedious, painful, and extremely challenging. In that way, they're not unlike the pain box from Dune: if I don't endure, then mother won't love me.

In the secret woke version of Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior, the Toadie calls Lord Humungus the "Ayatollah of Soy Granola", and advanced AI was used to replace every frame of Mel Gibson with the blue haired girl from Life is Strange.

I put up with a LOT OF SHIT for letting my adult transgender daughter live in the basement of my 5450 sq ft Mid Century Modern Home, but as far as I'm concerned, so long as she keeps making 250k a year running her Amazing Digital Circus content farm on Youtube, I'll use her damn pronouns! #MAGADADS

Valve impressing gamers by releasing second racist Deadlock hero in single week.

deadlock

Aldrich, Devourer of Gods found in Epstein Files.

If I had a dollar for every album I loved about the rainbow goblins, I'd have two dollars. Which isn't a lot, but it's enough to buy 12 fl oz of evaporated milk, which I can then drink in the hopes that, this time, I will finally choke to death on its creamy thickness.

got an A rank (16'04") first try on the at jin dahaad free challenge quest, checked my hunter profile and eScape started playing. same level of dopamine rush as topping off my sixth miller lite, hitting the juul, and turning the keys in the ignition. dopamine bliss

HITTIN THAT G VIRUS SHIT. GOT THE T-VERONICA IN MY PIPE. SCREAMING "GLORIANA LAS PLAGAS" OFF THE LOS ILLUMINADOS PURP. RIPPIN OUROBOROS UNTIL WE AT COMPLETE GREEN SATURATION. MOLD.

It's a hard Boc life, me lord.

Tried to play "chubby bunny" with my transgender girlfriend, but she kept getting hard every time I put a marshmallow in my mouth and said chubby bunny.

What if the Harley Quinn from Bat Man was a bit sexy and kind of a crazy girl....

Nobody's beak is spinning to the other side of their head anymore?! I can't even remember the last time I saw a person's beak spin to the other side of their head, like after an explosion, or a point blank shotgun blast?!

Proud to announce our game dev studio, Bit Squelch LLC, uses NO GEN AI in our development process, EXCEPT to generate pictures of Bok Elden Ring jacking his freaky shit into wine glasses. #NOAI #STANDWITHARTISTS

my new product: "virtual wedgie" haptic sensor underwear

Dr Pepper, the sapphic drink of choice

There are many beautiful Playstation 2 looking women.

MISTER BONGINO!!! I have work for you... Report to my keep on the morrow, and bring your greatest goblin-felling blades. There is no pay.

.@cvspharmacy I WILL NOT BE BUYING MY INSULIN IN YOUR STORES UNTIL YOU START HIRING MORE BEAUTIFUL PHARMACISTS!!! STOP CATERING TO THE WOKE MOB!!!

Tired of Winning at EVERY video game, I have chosen a new battlefield: Rush Hour Traffic.

All the gayest music has women moaning in it.

Don't forget! Children want candy for Halloween! Money is good too.

I would like to play a game about farming on my late grandfather's farm. It would be nice if it had friendly neighbors, romance, farming, and monsters, and if it was called Stardew Valley that would be an added bonus. But does such a game exist?? PLEASE INFORM ME

TWO IMPORTANT DAYS FOR ALL RED BLOODED AMERICANS THE DAY YOU LEARN YOU WANT TO FUCK SAMUS ARAN THE DAY YOU LEARN YOU CAN'T FUCK SAMUS ARAN

Objectively speaking, The Sopranos is a very misleading television show. I just don't think the real Tony Soprano would have done all those things.

In light of recent events I am only going to believe the facts I personally make up.

Seeking angel investors for my startup, "Rollout", where I come to your house and change your toiler paper roll, saving you time to continue working hard at "ordering Ubereats" and "e-stalking Hasan Piker".

Just finished watching every television show ever. I have no opinions on any of them.

It is actually possible to fire lightening from your finger tips, after all, you know.

One easy way to become really cool is running fast. It is not so easy to do, but when you reach around 10 to 12, you become cool instantly.

Train hard like I do and you can learn to speak Guitar.

Girls need to use the Toilet too?! Please tell me it's not true, I've been so scared since finding out I no longer sleep! HELP!

Raincoat man came again today. He carried a basket of dangerous tricks, looking to deliver his little torments. #Relatable #NotToday #NotBeforeMyMorningCoffee