Aw you silly goose! Autism isn’t an excuse for you to be racist!

2021: ugh we can’t say r***d 2025: ugh im losing my birthright citizenship

Can you guys just have your midlife crises in private like a real man!?

Everyone wants big tits until you take headshots and you either look like an adult entertainer or a trash bag

Every bad bunny song on this album has 4 parts

Going to a hookah lounge to reconnect with my culture

Fuck the government, find me at the disco

The only job that’s safe in this economy is the personality hire

Dirty pho-rtini Dirty martini but pho

My boyfriend just sent me this photo of my cat. Why does he look like he’s got a kid in college?

My college friends are coming out of the woodworks to remind me that I have dated like 3 Luigi’s in my 20s and I feel VIOLATED BY THE READ

People are out here making money off slime videos on instagram and I’m a FOOL making 0 dollars burning through my standup material

I’m obsessed with my handsome chunky cat

The weather is cold which means I am gonna look cute and cozy in my stand up photos again

Wait do hashtags matter again on this platform?

I’ve reached my weird composting age. I LOVE MAKING DIRT

I’ve always been a little jealous of Catholics as a kid

Alright here’s another social media platform where no one will listen to my jokes!!