if you don't sing at least a little bit in the shower, the intrusive thoughts win

RELEASE THE NOOK FILES

'give me the peace prize or imma start some wars' isn't the brilliant negotiation tactic he thinks it is

oh good point, I thought it was bad for people to get murdered, but I didn’t consider the possibility that their hair could be short

Amazing how the bootlicking right is okay with a police state as long as the cops hate the same people they do

Are ya winning, French son?

You can stop dreaming now Bing, it's white enough out here

AI has gone too far

i don't even gaf about the bruises on his hands anymore, just let me know when he dies

We just passed a sign in a small town at the fairgrounds that said 'diarrhea awareness month on now, runs until friday' and my partner doesn't find it nearly as uproarious as I do

Obviously Paul McCartney was great in Wings but Tony Shalhoub was pretty good too

Happy 5th anniversary to the funniest event in human history

When someone says 'hi my name is Niamh' I'm not sure if I should beliamh them

SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP www.youtube.com/watch?v=7nOD...

skipping a couple glasses of water so i can ask chatgpt what it thinks of me

Smash or pass the patriarchy

honest names for la croix: - ghost of strawberries past - writing my mango's thesis - produced in a facility that also handles coconut

That was the most disappointing rapture yet

The 'muh free speech' crowd sure is into censorship these days, huh?

I extend as much empathy as he had for women, immigrants, people of colour, the entire LGBTQ community, rape victims, doctors performing safe abortions, victims of school shootings, victims of mass shootings in general, Melissa Hortman, and Paul Pelosi

Can we all pretend he's dead again this weekend

WHY EVEN LIVE ANYMORE

Turns out Quebec only has rules against French swears

The 'Cover Your Drinks' Tour

StarDOOM Valley

How retail feels

Nothing beat those after school naps with the tv on, waking up not knowing where, when, or who you are, and the only way you knew it couldn't be morning was because cbc didn't play the simpsons in the morning

was so hungry while I was out the other night, and I looked in my purse to see half a banh mi that past me had saved for later. love her sometimes, she can be so thoughtful

The Dobbler Effect: the increase or decrease in pitch of Peter Gabriel's In Your Eyes as John Cusack moves closer or further away

🎶You could close down Moe's or the Kwik-E-Mart and nobody would care But the heart and soul of Springfield's in Our 🎶

imagine the whole world so quickly and thoroughly finding out that you like coldplay

The only thing I need to know about this collab is why they didn't workshop this name even a little bit

Finishing each other's sentences means you're either soulmates or Beastie Boys

Why can't Panera bring back that lemonade that kills people

Maybe the real Epstein list was the friends we made along the way

Mmmm mmmm, steamed Jems

'your music sucks' 'nuh uh, I have a lot of guitars' I love this defense

Gonna stop paying my bills As a treat

Convinced the brainworm is Ratatouille-ing RFK

Is your name Zac? Because I don't know what the Efron with you

It should be illegal for strangers to talk to me unless they have a dog with them

A food fight but with rocks

I think the part I already miss about spring is walking out of an air conditioned building and not feeling like I'm walking into a human mouth

OH NO IT'S RIGHT BEHIND ME AND IT'S CLOSER THAN IT APPEARS 😰

So happy to get my hands on a switch 2 #blessed

Heartwarming: the worst people you know fucking hate each other

at least we live in a timeline where we can respond to almost anything with a Simpsons quote

What do you call people from Buffalo, anyway? Buffalumps? Buffleupagus? Buffoons? C'mon Bufflepuffs, help me out here @ianferguson.bsky.social is this not your jurisdiction

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'hey all, ai scott here...'