The president of Ireland and his dog who wants attention during an interview

The way she'd wag her little tail out of control when her rescuer would visit ❤️ Jelena told us about rescuing Annabelle from the street in Vietnam, and her eventual journey to Germany where she has the best new life!

judge: your record shows you're a repeat offender me: a what? judge: repeat offender me: offender haha

Why can't I pronounce anemone? Hard to say.

boss: hey um the FBI is here and wants to talk to you me: [frantically deleting all of the illegal soup I downloaded from Soupster] oh wow that's weird

@millsish.bsky.social @michaelstipe.bsky.social Real long shot here but I'm opening a vinyl listening bar in Providence later this year called Murmur (@murmurhifi on IG) and want to invite you to the open and also to come spin whatever and whenever you'd like. Oh and please tell Peter and Bill!

listen man if I catch you outside of anywhere suckin' on a chili dog I'm calling the police

Me: my desk is right outside the restroom so basically what I would do is honk a horn when someone came out, once for pee and twice for poop, based on how long they were in there and— HR: no we know, that’s why you’re here

rob zombie, use zombie's money to buy drugs

your fly's down. give it some poop to cheer it up.

I fucken knew it

water: hey were you guys just talking about forming a band? earth, wind & fire: fuck

the residents of my hometown are erecting a statue of my limitations

There wasn't a dry eye in the house; the Eye-Squirting Bandit had struck again.

sorry but wtf is up with people who honk their nose when blowing it??

I'm exhausted from stopping Barbara but I guess someone needs to do it

holy fuck elton john you're right - sad songs really do say so much

[to a table] thank you for your surface

We all make mistakes. But especially you, Jeff. You make a fuckton of mistakes.