Would be cool to go and watch Kill Bill: The Whole Bloody Affair but I just CANNOT sit in a movie theater for 4 hours

Imagine an alien giving you food as a gift, quite possibly the first interaction between two civilizations an ocean of stars apart. You take a bite. And it's mid.

Spotify mfers when the music they listened to all year turns out to be the music they listened to all year

I remember during one of my birthdays my parents brought me to another kid's birthday as a guest and I was so irritated

When the US government calls it national security and it's just them spying on US citizens

Definitely me

When someone uses this emoji❤️‍🩹to describe their relationship you just KNOW they are suffering💀

How mfers with 1000 days Duolingo streak look at you when you ask them to speak a sentence in the language they've been “learning”.

Oppenheimer when the bomb he designed to kill millions of people gets made to kill millions of people

Now that I think about it, I can't remember the last time I saw a pregnant woman. Birth rates are truly on the decline smh

I love Walking Simulator games

Me after saying "goodnight" (I'm staying up for 6 hours)

When bro adds me to his "close friends" on IG and it's just his OF

Been embracing my curls more and I kinda...Idk

How I'm going to be waiting in line to see Dune: Part Three (candids can be alright).

When I type in "etc" knowing damn well I don't have anymore examples.

Living in the midwest is so funny because there are places that legitimately look mildly dystopian. As if the power grid has gone out or something. Just miles and miles of darkness with the occasional light here and there. Even in the city.

When I get brutally murdered 30 yrs ago just to see my killer be put in a video titled "Top 5 Killers With The Most AURA" and women are commenting "why is he kinda.."

How jobless mfers look at you when you tell them you have to work tomorrow

Fat mfers will get fit and start looking at people eating junk food like this

I always find it so funny when people in relationships ask their single friends for relationship advice. This is like asking your broke friend for advice on how to get money.

💀💀💀

I remember as a kid I'd go to Blockbuster and rent a game and just, like, never return it. Good times haha

Sometimes I forget how muscular my back is (no one will see this. I'm posting this in a cave)

One Monday After Another

Just posting a pic that no one will see😎

At this point I just come on here to like something and leave lol

Women with big ass foreheads love the hardest.

Everytime I walk into a hotel room I can't help but notice the cuck chair in the corner🤦🏽‍♂️

Working in a mattress store must be so nice and chill. Ain't no one walking in there. Sure, the Cartel or mob is probably using the place to launder money but you're just there chillin.

I can't wait to walk into my barber's shop next week and see this very image hanging on the wall

You know you aren't young anymore when you have to ask your friends to define what the fuck "groyper" even means.

Jet lag is the fucking worse.

First week back in the US...Wal-Mart parking lots. That's it. That's the post.

When she's got a big forehead. Just call her Jimmy Neutron.

Going to a coffee shop and people watching in the Midwest just ain't it bro. Mfers here have no fashion sense (I miss Europe)

Thought it was a meme until I saw two BBLs at the...Madrid airport😳

In Europe I went to so many coffee shops and just watched people walk by with incredible fashion sense. Mfers in the US ain't got that fr.

My time in Prague is flying by😔

Biggest fear is that one day I'll go out in public and be minding my business and then I hop on twitter or something and find out I'm viral because some random took my pic or something

I remember when I landed in Prague I fr heard people clapping in the back of the plane. This is a mental illness.

I am never going to take relationship advice from anyone who is single. Wtf are you gonna tell me bro?

When my therapist tells me that I'm super cool and smart and handsome and everyone else is wrong and I'm right haha

"His scenes were so funny!" Yeah Idk about you but I didn't find anything in this movie to be funny. Weird how some people are legitimately trying to say Weapons is a dark comedy.

Bleeding out here after two double quarter pounders with cheese.

This squirrel always pays me a visit every Friday

You know you're reaching unc status when you're excited to try out some new bread.

No one will see this haha