Our weather, sports teams and school systems suck but we get to wear shorts on Christmas so who gives a fuck

I'm going to invent a fanny pack that isn't a fanny pack at all It's actually a burrito keepo warmo But you'd never know Rechargeable and sophisticated *Smell proof optional

Guess who's back lol #TempeArt

I eat expensive cheese on Kroger saltines

Perty cool

I just had tacos with the cheese underneath the meat and holy fuck why aren't all tacos made this way

Their base was going broke gassing up those giant trucks Now they're all buying Teslas Did you have the electric car becoming a symbol for the far right on your bingo card?

I don't know when or how it happened but there are Ikea products in my house

Brownie eating contest... but the brownies are edibles...

Pretty bummed. A houseless gentlemen who camps across from my workplace passed away today. Word is bad dope. He went by the handle "Cowboy". We enjoyed talking about bicycles, I'd paid him to true rims and we were working on a mtb freewheel conversion project I will miss you my friend RIP Cowboy

Rode a bike to work today with no jacket, hoodie or even a long sleeve on I dug deep, concentrated on my breathing and pedaled right through that freezing 74° I didn't even wear gloves

Shorts and a T-shirt tomorrow And for the next 8 months 🌵

Just saw a house with two Teslas in the driveway and 4 Pride flags on the front porch

Baggy jeans are back for dudes which is good but I'm not feeling the short shorts

Just puffed with a friend at his house, found out he still keeps his weed in baggies. Top shelf herb too Took him to goodwill, got him 4 glass "Ball" brand mason jars w/ plastic lids. Threw some Led Zeppelin stickers on them bing bang boom You just never know when someone's living in squalor

We trapped and fixed about 18 feral cats when we bought our house, they started a colony in our backyard Fed and watered them for over a decade now, the population is falling The survivors are so chill they share their cat food with the doves. Cats eat first, then the doves, it's weird as shit

The one good thing about not having springs or falls in Phoenix anymore... no mosquitoes

"We're going to build a lake, fill it with urine and feces, then we'll shoot the urine and feces in the air. It will be the highest shooting urine fountain in the world." - Fountain Hills

If Trek makes electric bikes... Why don't they call them electrek bikes?

Dear Lord 🙏 When I said I wanted to go back to the 90's I wasn't talking about the weather. Can we please have a couple more weeks?

Wife likes dark meat I like white meat. She loves ketchup I love mustard. She's vanilla ice cream and I'm chocolate. She's pigs in a blanket but I'm on chili dogs. She's pale ale and I'm stout af. She loves marshmallows, I hate marshmallows. I love pickles, she hates pickles. But we both smoke weed

I just spent $83 on edibles. Fuck the grocery store, don't ever go to the dispensary hungry

Ran the AC last night and the heater this morning, I fear no judgement

The sky is crying

The Mexico/Canada tariffs will cost the average American citizen $1,200 a year As of March this year there are 341,413,812 American citizens Let's do the math 341,413,812 X $1,200 ____________ $409,696,574,400 This doesn't even take into account what American businesses will pay

This dude just ordered $240 worth of Arby's in the drive thru right front of me, he could've gone inside, I should punch him

We haven't ran our AC or heater in two days, I feel so European

Elon is doing America like he did twitter

Trump isn't going to leave office in 4 years, and ultimately nobody will do anything about it

I DID THE ALL THE WORK, TOOK FOREVER, MY GIFT TO YOU Twisted Nerve by Bernard Hermann Run Fay Run by Isaac Hayes Green Hornet by Al Hirt Battle Without Honor Or Humanity by Tomoyasu Hotel Woo Hoo by the 5, 6, 7, 8's The Lonely Shepherd by Gheorghe Zamfir Ironside (Excerpt) by Quincy Jones

Are the new Kyrsten Sinema's popping their heads out yet?

Shortest. Winter. Ever.

I paid attention to politics for like 5 minutes today, old feelings of panic sprung right back up, anxiety, blood pressure too. I've been fighting to stay off my phone but saw the plane crash on tv, that's when I fucked up

I don't think I'll be flying much for the next few four years

How many Kyrsten Sinema democrats are we going to see pop up under this new regime?

Hey guys! I’ve started something new. My new Substack… Go check it out! jimacosta.substack.com/p/hold-on-to...

Today’s show was my last at CNN. My closing message: It’s never a good time to bow down to a tyrant… don’t give in to the lies. Don’t give in to fear. Hold on to the truth… and hope.

They voted for him and now he's fucking them all over, who could've seen this coming

Multiple news crews headed to the one tiny part of the valley that's raining, welcome to Phoenix

Just found out Gladiator 2 is out but my wife won't be home for another 2+ hours So I'm going to have to act like I didn't watch it

Somebody told me they pay over 40 bucks a month for peloton - now im all for some quality exercise but last I checked it's free outside

I live next to a Home Depot but drive the 2 miles to Ace Hardware every time

lol might just turn my phone off today

I've always loved old vans

Just like I said

This is the part where Trump "saves Tik Tok" LOL he probably had SCOTUS rule against it just so he could save it, so millions of morons will give him their votes

I never stopped washing my hands after covid

The egg definitely came first

There are 3 different dispensaries only 1 mile away from my house, in 3 different directions, and they're still too far