It is uncanny how often I glance at the clock at precisely 6:19pm. Every damn day, man

Drivers who concede the right of way out of some sense of politeness really piss me off. Driving is about being predictable and other drivers being able to anticipate your predictability. Conceding your right of way breaks that system. Take your right of way, it’s the polite thing to do

The term “chilling effect” needs to be rephrased because when I hear those two words together it relates to the feeling I get when I smoke a joint on my front porch

You know someone is about to try to feed you some bullshit when the first word out of their mouth is “Look…”

My expectations were low and the Padres met me there

Helen

I’m gonna need a 430’ bunt out of you, Bryce

One time

Three, four, Freddie shuts the door

I feel like this can’t go one of two ways. Yu gives the Padres a solid four innings or he doesn’t and this is the last time we see him pitch

We are quickly approaching the day of the year where I put on a zip up hoodie first thing in the morning and I don’t take it off until May

Dude, wtf is going on in this game? The app says we just had a pitching change with a 1-2 count and then a responding pinch hitter MID AT BAT. This can’t be right

The only elevated train in Chicago running on time today

Bobby Triple Digital

No walks, asshole

I would like to put a microphone in the batters box and record the sound of Mason Miller’s 104 wizzing by and then I’d like to use that sound for incoming texts on my phone

Cubs are trolling us with these RPs

Breaking rocks and grinding them to dust

Fuzzy

All of the jón

You know a team isn’t long for the playoffs when they can’t execute in situations Ike that

Fuck yes!

I’m telling you. Trampolines in foul ground

Bob Scanlon and Jessica Mendoza talking to each other like two AI bots having a never ending conversation

“Mike Busch…get it?” It’s Hawk you idiot

One, two, Freddie’s gonna double off you

The weather outside feels like “ditching third period Eng Lit” kind of weather

That felt like a pretty fitting representation of the last four months of Padres baseball I’ve watched. Laureano’s bat was sorely missed in those first four innings

The thing that sucks about having a elite bullpen is it doesn’t provide you, the fan, an ounce of comfort

Wouldn’t mind seeing a first pitch fastball put onto the street

Nicky’s got the business

That high outside breaking ball Pivetta threw to get that pop up is nasty. That’s where you throw that pitch if you don’t want to get caught speeding up a bat

Xander Bogaets, CEO of the Infield single

Either advertising during Padres games on the radio is dirt cheap or Sin Lee Foods is running a money laundering operation

I don’t truly appreciate the luxury that is Jesse Agler until the postseason. Clutch broadcasting

When Kyle Mooney pops up on TV wearing a vintage Steve Garvey uniform I hope he has glued a bunch of hair to his forearms to complete the look

Padres should put Moises Alou in Bartman’s seat, headphones and all

I will be shocked if Bad Bunny actually performs the SB halftime show. Four and a half months is an eternity for some bullshit not to rear its ugly head. If it’s Bad Bunny vs the field give me the field.

I’m ready for regular season Luis Campusano (0-21, 11 Ks) to become a playoff hero. Anything is possible

Augusta Bob, Pebble Bob, Torrey Bob

“Built for Fall” is merch for an old folks home

Padres have to make the Workd Series and take it to a game 6 just so I can do the Holey Sheets bit on Halloween

I will never buy a washable sofa for as long as I live. The voice actor that does their ad read? It was cute when you made that video about the different voices you do but after hearing you a thousand fucking times read the same fucking ad in the last fucking week you can go fuck yourself.

Dudes dig the long ball

The Mets not getting in because the Brewers dgaf would be hilarious

The cats really don’t like the loud angry birds that have been flying a couple hundred feet over my house these last few days.

Iv’e been off of twitter for so long my brain has moved its memory into the same partition that contains pagers and fax machines. When someone mentions Twitter my brain is like “oh yeah, I remember that thing. Those were the days.”

What do we get at Petco if the Padres walk nine guys?

DBacks asked for two calls to be reviewed. Only one was overturned. They should lose their remaining challenge for not getting both calls overturned