Much as I like Pride & Prejudice I find it impossible to deny that this is the greatest review of it of all time

logging on and making my brain your problem

Them: 95% of the things you worry about never end up happening! Me: So you see how effective worrying is

if you have fingers, you, too, can make a haiku you’ll need seventeen

Our feral cats have a mating ritual as ancient as it is horrifying. Tickets are $40.

♟️ 😜

𝘛𝘸𝘰 𝘳𝘰𝘢𝘥𝘴 𝘥𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘨𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘢 𝘸𝘰𝘰𝘥, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘐— 𝘐 𝘵𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘷𝘦𝘭𝘦𝘥 𝘣𝘺, 𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘮𝘢𝘥𝘦 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘪𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦. Hi, Robert Frost here to tell you about Garmin®️ satellite navigation products.

look at him. he doesn't even have any money

Prime numbers are a scam and I'm tired of nobody saying anything about it

what's great about staring at a wall is that if you forget what you're doing, you're still doing it

lmao

Currently Reading: Angle of Repose by Wallace Stegner

Much of this is substantiated by the myth of executive intelligence. Most assume that [these CEOs] wouldnt be as stupid as to burn a trillion or more dollars on data centers for an unprofitable product with demand that only exists because of their own subsidies…except thats exactly whats happening.

1983

Being retired is great, if you have the sort of mind that can occupy itself. After decades of 100+ hour weeks, the ability to SLEEP WHEN I'M TIRED is better than cocaine, trust me on this one. But I don't know what day it is most of the time.

'In Soviet Russia, AI trains you.'

This is 100% correct, and one of the most rundimentary facts needed to understand 'rule of law' as a concept, but maybe only 10% of people* understand that. * optimistic estimate

"say hello to my little friend" -The Mandalorian

considering muting the word Bluesky, so I don't have to read arguments about Bluesky, but (dilemma!) then I would miss all the jokes making fun of Bluesky.... 🤔

“Get your shit together, Todd.”

For sale: baby shoes, never worn, baby is a picky little asshole.

Every summer I repost this article on how to spot drowning. Please read it and pass on. In the last few years I’ve had SIX messages from people who saved a kid’s life after clicking on the link from my feed. slate.com/technology/2...

that one’s not even today’s worst . today’s worst was 4 posts ago 😬

Buddha: Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Me taking notes: 𝘉𝘶𝘥𝘥𝘩𝘢 𝘴𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘰𝘪𝘴𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘖𝘛𝘏𝘌𝘙 𝘨𝘶𝘺

Men will ask for more weight while being pressed to death in 1692 Salem rather than go to therapy

Chase Reminds Customers To Only Share Banking Information With People Who Seem Nice

Due to personal reasons. No

i’ve never commandeered a train before but how hard can it be

SLUGGO’S BEATNIK THURSDAY

Hiring manager: And what would you say your greatest weakness is? Me: Fire

the ideal social network never loads at all

(Me trying to rob a bank) *passes the teller a note* Teller (reading aloud): Dear bank teller, I'm really sorry but this is a robbery. If you will please give me money I will be your best friend and also I won't shoot you Thanks bestie 😘😘❤️❤️

me, personally? I like to say stupid things on the internet to my imaginary friends

Not now, Elder Gods From Outside Reality Frozen Under The Ice For Aeons

Literacy was a huge mistake (both historically and, even worse, for me personally).

This seems to be the proper software to cop to the fact that I am JACKED UP on GD MAPLE SYRUP

Currently Reading: Henderson The Rain King by Saul Bellow

Currently Reading: A Question of Upbringing by Anthony Powell (Book One of A Dance to the Music of Time)

That bear looks like he's just read Middlemarch, poor guy

I thought about this, and wrote it anyway

I had laser eye surgery but disappointingly I'm still unable to fire lasers from my eyes. 0/5 stars, would not recommend.

Timeline cleanse? Here, have another joke

Happy Mother's Day!

This 1952 memo from the Pentagon UFO files is superb There is no point preparing for aliens ‘because no one of consequence is going to take this rubbish seriously unless it happens. At that point, our policy will be determined in the traditional manner of grand panic.’ 🤣 www.war.gov/medialink/uf...

Paradoxes

Odysseus was the first man to refuse to ask directions

I'm not dodging work, you're dodging work.