found the upside. now we can hit the fun number !!

if god wanted us to have additional pylons we would have been constructed with them

stealing jam packets from the diner to dump into the pot of Forever Soup bubbling on the hearth at home

the internet.. it sits ill at ease tonight. digital storm clouds on the horizon. a bitter breeze nips at your posts

lasagna? i hardly know ya

microsoft onedrive is always complaining that I haven't "backed that ass up" in a while

woke up feeling like a tepid beverage poured into a glass with only one ice cube

when i worked in food service it always baffled me how many dudes seem to think that hating vegetables is manly. no, sorry sir you are a picky child and also your diet is killing you

trying to determine if my lunch is [youthful, carefree] apple and cheese slices [mature, healthy] fresh fruit and aged cheese charcuterie [low effort, apathetic] just some crap i had on a cutting board

does a bowl of apple slices and cheese count as a salad

i literally recoil when i see an em dash anymore. like something crawled out of the shower drain and touched me

its a lot of work spinning a cocoon every night and then bursting out of it like the kool-aid man every morning

taking a real gamble on this very leftover rice

closing in on no-good hatchet man Johnny Cakeboy with an intent to bedevil his schemes

political candidate previous occupation tier list: S: basically just Jean Luc-Picard A: nonprofits, social work, unions, environmental sector B: teacher, doctor, small business (actually small) C: military or career politician D: financial sector, tech F: large business owner, lobbyist, podcaster

the oracle said you have a keen eye for tomfoolery

nice images, are they graven?

if i ever hatched from an egg i would immediately climb back in

You Wouldn't Cage A Snail Would You

you should really let yourself go every few years so your body doesn't get too cocky

It's 2042. Anthropic and Taco Bell have merged and purchased the U.S. The Crunchwrap Supreme Court rules it legal to kill anyone with less than half your net worth. Vibe coded nuclear missile software launches at anyone with "InternalServerError" social credit. We are all in the baja blast radius.

my unrefined thoughts and feelings are up to 90 dollars a barrel

walking around the produce aisle laying hands on various fruits and vegetables to drain their energy

in my head i call my boss Farty McPooperton

what's puffing, my blowfishes?

the worse my punctuation and capitalization and grammer are around you the more i respect you. dearest homie

whenever I finish writing a work email I beep like a microwave

i wiped my neighbor's brain and installed linux on them

during my time in clown army, fatal accidents that started with a squirt gun based joke were commonplace

if you get drafted into clown battalion, they just hand you a stick of dynamite and fire you at the enemy out of a cannon

many wild animals will eat you far past your expiration date #inspiration #humansarefood #expirationdatesarentreal

saw it was nice outside so i went to the basement and started eating chocolate chips

man nothing holds a grudge against you more than your own body

hate it when my awful children interrupt my industrial time

going to be putting on airs today. i'm thinking some insincere foppish snobbery. any requests?

if you follow me i will occasionally emit a few words you can read

the first two CD's I bought with my own money were Aphex Twin's 'Drukqs' and Smash Mouth's 'Astro Lounge'

neighbor has been power washing his blindingly white driveway for two days. what is he hiding. is this a fugue state

naming my next Cyberpunk character Stevia Lexapro

they're projecting your ass on the wall of the cave bro. the prisoners within only dimly perceive your shadow bro.

don't worry guys. i didn't think of any bangers while blusky was down

how are you serving jesus on this easter sunday. honey glazed. smoked. covered in cherries and pineapples

i've invented "gin for kids" by boiling a pine cone in capri sun

when i die donate my organs to the donkey sanctuary. don't know what they'll do with them. maybe sell them for carrots

i made my mashed potatoes into a skull for you. i put peas in each of the eyes

my media recommendations are being flooded with with what i'm calling "instruction slop"

last dung ball till the weekend. then monday we rollin again

shower so hot i'm technically pasteurized

when you hear that 'ding' sound over the intercom in a grocery store it means they are culling an employee for their meat