My main goal in life is just to have a really good time and I think that’s beautiful

Is farting the theme of the season? #rhoslc

Zohran winning !!! We’re so back baby

Welp out with the old and in with the new. Can’t wait for Zohran to win today!

My favorite part of watching most movies is pointing out other movies the actors have been in and having a new movie in my arsenal for next time I see the actor in a different movie

I don’t believe in boy movies like as soon as a lot of boys like a movie I’m like yeah that movie isn’t for me. This is why I have never seen interstellar

Millennials! We can’t afford homes and at one point we made Harry Potter our entire personality but did you know we’re actually the h0rniest generation?! Over half of millennials report having S*x in the past month so at least that’s something

Getting ready for Halloween listening to the new Florence + the Machine album is perfection

Being a billionaire is so embarrassing and real loser behavior

Wow the yacht dinner might be the first time I’ve felt bad for Lisa Barlow #rhoslc

A Haunted House but it’s a guy talking to himself in your DMs

A Haunted House but it’s waking up to pee in the middle of the night and your dog thinking it’s time to go out

Marrying a former theater kid means neither of us know what day sports are on and I think that’s beautiful

I’ve tried protecting my peace, I’ve tried partying late into the night … I recommend hanging with your girlies at the babbling brook

The sexual tension between me and my new king size bed is cRaZY

No but livin laughin lovin is really the secret to happiness

Two glasses of wine is the perfect amount. I can’t stop kicking my feet and giggling

Yes I did donate my hair to Kim Kardashian’s bush thong thank you so much for asking

I love seeing reality stars in commercials because it’s like oh yeah you are not acting on that show because you are in fact very bad at acting

IG will be like “your reels were shown to less people this month” Okay…. And whose fault is that?!???

I’ve read non-fiction, I’ve read fiction I recommend falling in love with a fantasy book and making it your entire personality.

I’ve tried dating women, I’ve tried dating men… I recommend adopting a dog

I’ve tried corporate America, I’ve tried being a freelancer I recommend selling coconuts on the beach

Me: Eats a banana Me: Immediately googles benefits of eating bananas

I said to not friend - “what are Chappell Roan fans called? We should call ourselves Roany’s Ponys” And she said “literally never say that outloud again” LOL

When you’re texting back and forth with someone and see them put on “do not disturb” in real time it’s like getting rejected immediately after stepping off the Next bus

So it turns out I’m not ugly, I just needed to wash my hair

Applying to be one of Sonja’s interns. Wish me luck!

The lioness does not concern herself with her credit card statement after a night out with friends

The lioness does not concern herself with how much she drinks when it’s sunny out

The lioness does not concern herself with the amount of calories in a margarita

I’ve never once been in a gym, grocery, or restaurant and thought you know what would make this better? A DJ! And yet… the LA DJs persist

The lioness does not concern herself with what the back of her hair looks like.

The lioness does not concern herself with underwear stains once she’s decided her period is over, it’s over

The lioness does not concern herself with caffeine intake when the world is on fire and every day feels like a struggle

The lioness does not concern herself with her credit card statement

No one has less chill than my mom smelling weed in a place where it’s definitely legal

Saving yourself for marriage?? Girlie, you should be saving yourself from marriage

Nicole Kidman, are you interested in a 32 year old woman who can’t cook, can’t clean, but knows her way around a Trader Joe’s freezer aisle? Asking for a friend

Losing my mind!! Katie Maloney is always right #vanderpumprules

Realized my dog doesn’t respond to “no” because he just thinks I’m saying his name which is “Joe” so that was my bad on the naming front 🤦🏻‍♀️

I went to dinner tonight without ordering a drink and holy shit does that save a lot of money

I drank too much caffeine and now I don’t feel real: A Biography (For it to be a memoir I’d have to feel like myself)

The secret to happiness is buying jeans that fit and not trying to force your old ones if they’re feeling tight

Rapture tip ! Carry your vibe with you tomorrow so if you’re chosen you can O in heaven. Or wherever ppl go when they’re raptured. I’m trusting I’ve sinned enough I’ll be one of the leftovers

One of the craziest parts of LA, is having a conversation with someone and watching them look around to see if there is anyone better they can talk to

I don’t know if this makes sense but the music at the mall is so loud that I can’t see the clothes

Sometimes you think you know adversity and then you go on a roadtrip with a uti

“Tylenol causes autism” says the guy who looks like he’s melting from the ice in Agent Cody Banks

Okay he’s alive but he’s definitely lost some of his pizzazz