When my cousin was a kid she was afraid of Santa which I totally get cause like why is this old weirdo in our house?? Does stranger danger mean nothing !!

Does anyone actually use the slit in spanx to go to the bathroom bc I tried to use it this weekend (drunkenly) and fully just peed on myself So unsure if it was user error or the slit is performative

Me in college walking a mile to the bars in the snow bc Uber didn’t exist yet #rhoslc

Tampons have gotten too expensive. If you have a problem with me free bleeding blame capitalism

If you have a kid who’s allergic to dogs what do you do with the kid??? Can you give them to a shelter

Bronwyn, cheat on your husband!! #rhoslc

I’m shocked Lisa and John have been married this long #rhoslc

Men in romantasies are 500 yrs old because that’s how long it takes for men to find the cl!t

Demi is pure evil like WTF #slomw

I need the RHOSLC women to learn from the Mormon wives. Take out your phone when drama happens! #slomw

Jordan being like you guys don’t control your wives but what if you did 🤮 #slomw

Jordan trying to turn Jessi’s community against her… cool cool cool #slomw

God every season I’m reminded Taylor Frankie Paul is an absolute star #slomw

Jordan continuing to say he was emasculated is giving me weird manosphere vibes #slomw

Omg the LA rain is a perfect excuse to stay in and watch secret lives of Mormon wives all weekend!

If vampires are real I would like 32 to stay my age forever so please come and turn me before September !

Shawn took a 23&me and the results came back 100% horse

Angie’s family history: Greek Shawn’s family history: Horses??? #rhoslc

Why do the bravo producers never have cameras up during the best moments??? #rhoslc

The concept of telling your friend that your husband is cheating on you while dressed like Ms. Frizzle taking a field trip to the Senate #rhoslc

I like my men like I like my coffee… I don’t drink coffee

I once told my therapist that if I’m not anxious I don’t know what I’m supposed to think about Anyways, I’m on Prozac now

Why can’t they make fitted sheets just sliiiiiightly bigger

I work for myself so I actually ruin my workplace everyday

Just watched Sinners for the first time and holy hell not overhyped at all. Truly a movie that feels like a movie!!! In utter awe

I don’t care if the chemicals slowly kill me, I will light a candle and have a cozy time

My main goal in life is just to have a really good time and I think that’s beautiful

Is farting the theme of the season? #rhoslc

Zohran winning !!! We’re so back baby

Welp out with the old and in with the new. Can’t wait for Zohran to win today!

My favorite part of watching most movies is pointing out other movies the actors have been in and having a new movie in my arsenal for next time I see the actor in a different movie

I don’t believe in boy movies like as soon as a lot of boys like a movie I’m like yeah that movie isn’t for me. This is why I have never seen interstellar

Millennials! We can’t afford homes and at one point we made Harry Potter our entire personality but did you know we’re actually the h0rniest generation?! Over half of millennials report having S*x in the past month so at least that’s something

Getting ready for Halloween listening to the new Florence + the Machine album is perfection

Being a billionaire is so embarrassing and real loser behavior

Wow the yacht dinner might be the first time I’ve felt bad for Lisa Barlow #rhoslc

A Haunted House but it’s a guy talking to himself in your DMs

A Haunted House but it’s waking up to pee in the middle of the night and your dog thinking it’s time to go out

Marrying a former theater kid means neither of us know what day sports are on and I think that’s beautiful

I’ve tried protecting my peace, I’ve tried partying late into the night … I recommend hanging with your girlies at the babbling brook

The sexual tension between me and my new king size bed is cRaZY

No but livin laughin lovin is really the secret to happiness

Two glasses of wine is the perfect amount. I can’t stop kicking my feet and giggling

Yes I did donate my hair to Kim Kardashian’s bush thong thank you so much for asking

I love seeing reality stars in commercials because it’s like oh yeah you are not acting on that show because you are in fact very bad at acting

IG will be like “your reels were shown to less people this month” Okay…. And whose fault is that?!???

I’ve read non-fiction, I’ve read fiction I recommend falling in love with a fantasy book and making it your entire personality.

I’ve tried dating women, I’ve tried dating men… I recommend adopting a dog

I’ve tried corporate America, I’ve tried being a freelancer I recommend selling coconuts on the beach

Me: Eats a banana Me: Immediately googles benefits of eating bananas