Call me SL-1 the way she about to yank my control rod too hard and I'm gonna lodge her in the ceiling.

I'm up past my bedtime and I'm going to make it the nearest Taco Bell's problem. Battle stations employees because I will have a full salvo of torpedoes in the tube by the time I finish my Luxe Cravings Box and chase it with a liter of Baja Blats.

www.furaffinity.net/view/65238749/ Art by @peachylu.bsky.social

Ladies, I really do mean I am a sexpert. Sit down, get comfortable, and allow your cunning linguist to narrate this textbook.

Refer to my tongue as a Maytag because it's got a crazy spin cycle that removes liquids through centrifugal force.

I've spent the last few hours workshopping various absurd and obscene lines to neatly fit into Bruno Mars' "Grenade" song. Put my dick in a microwave for ya Used my scrotum like a sail for ya Pulled out my cock to wave for ya Got molested on a train for ya Left a diarrhea stain for ya

Days until RFK Jr chokes on a cheese string made of panda smegma during a press conference about the state of Hantavirus: 11

I promise you this. The moment I become the President of the US, my first executive order will be mandating that if a car's engine is running the low beam lights will be on. No matter what. If my 25 year old Jetta can do so can the 2026+ Throngungus SUVs, I will die on this hill.

I was stuck in traffic between the 3 most unfuckable cars. Overcompensating pickup truck, cybertruck, and the child flattener 3000 SUV.

I think we could either square the amount of insanity within president trump or cause a complete wraparound error if he is only referred to as "Melania's Husband".

No, I did not "crack" them. I cleaved them in twain. I pelverized them.

Fooling the enemy soldiers with a metallic ping sound they think is my Garand but it's instead my squadmate farting out his buttplug.

Call me Sloppenheimer the way I'm gonna turn a clitty to dust.

Crazy how when these soulless dusty scrotum people are met with valid criticism instead of being incessantly praised by their echo chamber, they flee to back to where they are the biggest fart in the room. Hope you sit on whatever's left of your balls, prick. www.nytimes.com/2026/03/24/h...

The world is a whimsical place. www.furaffinity.net/view/62220596