I have an idea that maybe even republicans could get behind at this point: take away his phone. Tell him the smartphones have all been hacked by antifa transgenders. No computers, either; Jewish space-laser satellite hackers. "Sorry sir, you'll have to use the landline."

We had to say goodbye to our dear friend Senta today. She was only with us for 6 years or so, poor girl. Sweet sweet kitty.

Germany: Nobody does Octoberfest like us. China: Hold my beer hat.

Also a reminder of pandemics past. Despite ignorant leadership, the deep state (which actually knows how things work) was still relatively intact. The government they have since created/destroyed is far less equipped for another crisis.

From the Quantum Mechanic's Cookbook

Ol' 47 he chasin' me, ICE ICE Baby wanna run me through. Gravy Seal got an eye on me, But I got a hoagie for you. Yeah man, this sub's for you, And I say ... I threw the sandwich, But I did not throw the bag-o-chips.

Encouraging, but I have questions about actual ICE "agents," too. Who's monitoring their activities? Do all the people they kidnap actually make to an ICE facility? If not, how would anybody know?

A dream job for every racist, bully, proud boy, pardoned J6er, felon, and thug ... with a signing bonus! How can you identify an actual ICE agent? The gear is readily available. They are driving minivans and rental trucks. Rape gangs, slavers, drunk dumbasses could suit up and go hunting.

This is the agenda. They want to provoke a violent response thereby "justifying" their presence. It's despicable. And they are getting 10x the budget for this banana-republic bullshit just as soon as the big stupid bill gets funded.

Well, it's not 5th Avenue, but it IS murder. And he's getting away with it.

Non-cultists and other world leaders have all learned that he can never be trusted. He may stumble onto something true now and then amidst all the lies and delusions, but whenever he says "fake news" you know it's true. It's a tell.

This is my favorite thing on the internet today.

Our wedding, 44 years ago today.

Thank you for your attention to this cruller.

73 countries have universal healthcare. By definition, the United States is bigger and generates more cash flow than all 73 of them. It's not that we can't afford it. But hey, we have multiple private billionaire space programs. So that's cool.

More messaging like this please

Today's literal LOL moment. "I'm gonna dry that man right outta my hair."

The musical dream sequence in the movie SINNERS is one of the greatest pieces of film -- and film scoring -- ever made! The whole soundtrack is really good, but the music behind that few minutes of film deserves an Oscar all by itself. Genius.

The same prick who gives me a headache every day now wants to outlaw Tylenol.

Walk Like A Pedestrian

Here a way to deshittify your Monday. It's the third day of the weekend! bsky.app/profile/thef...

Like.

Je suis Jimmy. ABC and CBS can suck it. We already quit Paramount+ but will watch every SECOND of Colbert's remaining shows on "network" TV. The way things are going, he might not last till next summer, either. Et tu, NBC?

Social media has made it all too easy for trolls (especially those who employ swarms of them) to influence public opinion. Thirty years ago, it took massive infrastructure for Faux news to do it. Now you can get a lot of traction with a gaggle of trolls. Or a bundle of bots.

Sure, just kill the homeless veterans, the mentally ill, the unfortunate poor. A bullet is cheaper than housing and healthcare, amiright ha ha. Which is the "party" of murder? Perhaps Elon has dyslexia. Faux has spewed this kind of hateful rhetoric for 28 years. Disgusting.

It's like seeing the first robin of spring. Hopefully.

This is what happens when you ignore or erase institutional memory and replace it with social media algorithms.

His "shoot a guy in the middle of 5th Avenue and get away with it" fantasy might be metastasizing.

LOL! Special: two for the price of three.

Playing the casino three weeks in a row is obviously some kind of clerical error. But I say the more times we play "Late in the Evening" at Noon, the better!

Sure, first they send in ICE to round up all the landscapers, then they send the Guard. Americans may not want those jobs, but Americans are filling 'em anyway. Under orders. Could y'all send some of them taxpayer-funded gardeners to my house please?

😆 If you go to the original post and scroll down, someone added "Yakity Sax" (the Benny Hill song), the perfect soundtrack.

Tax cuts eventually took so much money away from NASA (and everything else) that not one, not two, but three private space programs now exist. Dropping $250 million on the presidency was relative chump change. We can thank Citizens United, and by "citizens" they mean "dollars."

They always say "falsehoods" or "false claims." They're lies, OK? Lies.

I'm sure their "masked, unaccountable bounty-hunter" gigs would never attract human traffickers or pedophiles.

Since liberals started calling themselves "progressives," now the cons have to hate progress itself. It's tough being a conservative these days. I think it officially started the day that Ronald Reagan ripped Jimmy Carter's solar panels off the White House roof.

I guess fighting Gravy Seals with sandwiches kinda makes sense.

I suppose we should take it as win he didn’t give Alaska back. Yet.

I would lose my license if I failed to repost this.

OK, this is awesome. Never really wanted to play I Shot the Sheriff but now I do.

Join us for our lunch special! 45 songs for the price of none!

Lyin' Donny thinks "DEI" gives jobs to the incompetent, which is ridiculous. He thinks all immigrants are stupid (pot, meet kettle). But he appoints folks like teleprompter readers Fox; totally unqualified for their positions. Some are criminals. Sounds exactly like what they *think* DEI means.

Today we open the show for Randy. Break out the paisley Nehru shirt.

My mom left us pre-MAGA, but she was radicalized quite effectively by the likes of Rush Limbaugh and Fox news. She traded some of her deeply-ingrained Catholic values for fear and lies and hate, served up as the gospel truth by unscrupulous blowhards whom I will never forgive.

Art O. Deal meets Al Z. Heimers. Al has a strong grip.

Art O. Deal meets Al Z. Heimers.

Art O. Deal meets Al Z. Heimers

This is so good, CBS would probably cancel it. Sign me up!