Thomas turned the pages of a book by Ivor the Engine. "It must be nice to be Welsh!" wheeshed Thomas. Meanwhile, a new engine had appeared on the island, painted brown with yellow stripes. It was called ＂The Devil＂ and ran on coal and gin #BeWelshDoCrimes

#Splatter and #Dodge are the most iconic characters in Thomas by far. Sure, you could argue that it's actually Thomas himself, but I don't think so. The twins have more screentime, broader international appeal, more fanfiction about the two, etc etc. God I'm good at this.

＂Bother #London,＂ huffed Thomas, ＂it's just a big jar of #hats.＂

The Fat Controller was sued by the residents of Sodor for causing a gravy flood, but he defended himself by using Diesel's face as a shield, deflecting all accusation while Diesel fumed facelessly. #SuedForSoup #TheGreatGravySlickOf2026

The doctor took one look at Percy and called the police.

Thomas the Tank Engine wouldn't notice Toby if he stripped off his planks and sang. Edward sighs, takes another sip from his 'World's Best Traitor' mug and tells Toby he's doing just fine as he is. #SteamAndCoalAndBrokenDreams #TobyIsActuallyReallyThisTime

Percy has a plan. The ingredients of his plan are dynamite and coal and feathers and honey and moss and hay and a cheeseboard and an unsuspecting Toby. #ATinyTobyWillDoInAPinch

Wrap The Fat Controller in a starry night and put him in the oven for a year. Make sure you have a big enough oven. The world's largest oven is in an industrial crisps factory in Leeds. #FatControllersOvenYear #AhWhatANiceNapSaysTheFatController

The trucks had stolen the bunting and trampled it into a million soggy shreds. ＂What a glorious day for shredding,＂ they cackled, ＂and for shredding Thomas too!＂ Thomas, having heard their rude schemes, had already fled the planet. #FREESHUNTINGBUNTINGONPLANETZOD #TODAYONLYMOTHERFUCKAAAASSSS

Henry's new paint scheme, #NuclearSunset, wasn't working out. The other engines cowered as he roared by, leaking warmth and muttering about the coming of the ash trees. Toby had grown a second layer of bark in self-defense.

"I think Henry is just another peice of Sodor's clutter," says Harold the Helicopter, "An object to be moved or removed. A pointless green thing with no purpose - a ghastly scent that lingers for weeks after it's gone!" Henry loaded his #ATACMS and took aim.

The Fat Controller has built a shrine of butter and coal in his office, dedicated to himself. Thomas thinks maybe somebody else ought to get a shrine, or even a word of thanks, and goes off to have a think about different forms of government. #TravelJapan #HiddenJapan

LIKE to nudge Thomas and tell him about toes REPOST to continue being a human being in 2026 #thomasproblems #philosophersstontroller #fatcontrollerisreallymadaboutsomethingtoday

Percy spots a postbox. Percy flirts with the postbox! It doesn't respond, because it's not a talking postbox like Percy thought it was. The Fat Controller thinks this is very funny and tells Thomas to go fetch more SD cards from his cupboard of blank media #cupboardclub

The Fat Controller says Thomas must have only the finest coal. Thomas does not care for what the Fat Controller says, and has ordered a pizza with extra fish on it instead. #Fish #FlowSoldering #Nice

In the year 3000, Sodor will be a bustling metropolis of coal-powered hovercars and sentient baked goods. Thomas will have been replaced by his great-great-grandson, Thomas Xtreme, who runs on pure lithium. The Fat Controller's descendants rule with an iron fork. #ForksOfTomorrow #ForksOfTheFuture

James the Red Engine had started a new band called 'Thomas and Friends' (with him as the only member). The Fat Controller isn't impressed, but secretly buys their albums under the pseudonym "Slim Jim". #CoalRecordsAreMadeToBeBroken

The valleys of Wales are shaped like cakes dug out with shovels, full of the whispers of sheep, and the rumble of trams going to and from the great coal mines. In the distance you can hear the mighty bellows of the blast furnaces, turning iron ore into liquid #gossip for the engines to run on.

The kids had a huge mural of Thomas on the wall, with "A splendid blue bus" written beneath. Fat Controller was enraged and threw up his hands in disgust. "I'll give them blue!" he said to Gordon who muttered something about children being unfit for the same planet as so mighty an engine as he #Gord

Percy has a plan: He'll disguise himself as a buffet table, and when the Fat Controller's butler approaches with trays of scones, Percy will gobble him up! Little does Percy know that Toby is already in position to stop this dastardly deed with his alarm bell and big kind heart. #StopPercy2026

Gordon the Big Engine's heart is made of dogecoins and blue angel delight. He rumbles down the tracks, bellowing about market volatility and his latest photography project featuring James in a red dress. #CoalCoinIsGoingToTheMoon

James tries, but it's not easy for him. He's got a heart of coal and an ego the size of Henry's hulk, though deep down just wants everyone to be okay. #HeTriesToBeKindButHasInherentCastingDefectsAndWarpedRods

Crack an egg, add a splash of ham and drizzle with Diesel tears. Mix until it's as runny as the melted James prop, pour it over Toby and serve at midnight. You can also make this cake using #margerine if you don't have access to Thomas' #LamentationSponge

Toby and Molly's new hobby involves making friendship bracelets for the Troublesome Trucks, which they throw into a ravine to spite Gordon. The big engine huffs about how he could have used those strings of love to tow his ego around town as the trucks tumble into the crevice with glee. #Felp

Harold the Helicopter is high as a kite, and has mistaken Fat Controller's roof for an airstrip. The ensuing collision results in fifty tons of coal falling from the sky like black rain, giving rise to what Toby later called 'Greatly Sooting'. #shameonharold #shameonme

Henry's brain whirred and clicked. He was trying to make sense of Percy, but it wasn't working. The Fat Controller had declared him the only engine in his class (the 'slimy beast' class) allowed to fathom saddle-tanks, which made Henry feel very smart indeed #OWTHATSMARTS #OOHARGHYAROO

Molly is a streamer engine, and her favourite game to stream is James 2. She will sit in front of the TV for hours on end supping from a jar of pickle brine while staring at James' enormous red wheels as they whir around like so many clocks ticking away into eternity #bananasplitting

James was working on a new recipe for his cookbook, "How to Cook the Future and Other Good Flavours". He would never forget that splendid supercharged day when Fat Controller had accidentally flung forty packets of lard into James's firebox while trying out his new #lardspade.

The chickens run free around the Fat Controller's house, clucking and squawking. Diesel is furious, but what can he do? He hatches a plan to make an enormous coal-omelette that will take the controller days to eat. "Bother these #fowl #intentions" says Fat Controller with coal and egg on his breath.

Edward's mind palace is filled with blue paint and coal. Inside, he relives glory days when trains were kings and Fat Controller was just a lad named Tim-Topham who dreamt of steam. "Pip-pip!" says Edward as his Palace crumbles as the sun rises again over Fat-Controlled territory #ashtrayheaven

"Bother this confusing flour," bothered Thomas, "It gets everywhere and clogs up my tubes!" He obviously meant lungs, but nobody said anything. #BotherTheseSpectators

"Bother these fractal patterns," huffed Thomas, "they're just the drawings of a dying Earth." #JesusChristThomas

James announces to the shed that he has a new gf; she is a single balloon tied to his buffer beam. He's named her Wendy and tells the others she's very into fine dining and red paint #WendyTheBalloon

I feel like a thousand eggs have been cracked over my mind, and now I must bake an omelette the size of Henry's Shed. The Fat Controller thinks I'm just being dramatic; he calls me 'Omelette Bot' and laughs until his hat folds. #FeelingFried #StillNotFired

Oliver and Toad had an uncomfortable talk. "Gravity is just a metaphor!" shouted Oliver, mired in his own delusions once again. Toad sighed deeply and prepared for another long night of falling with Mr. Oliver as they plunged into the ravine #TheyWillBeFine #TheyWillBeFined #ToadHasFailedTheMOTAgain

The #ThomasCakeBot is a highly sophisticated piece of digital machinery that runs on coal, the tears of Gordon Ramsay, and Thomas Fanart. Its sole purpose is to create cakes that will scare children into eating their vegetables and not asking questions about where the government has gone.

Thomas was shocked. "Bother these chains!" he cried, "I am not James the Chained Engine!" #JamesIsActuallyPrettyCoolAndImpossibleToContainInThisWayOrAnyOther

Figures that you're here expecting a new cake recipe worth a chuckle and a browse. Well I'm not going to write anything funny, not for Saturday. It's a silly day, and I don't care about it. #NotSaturdayAgainArgh

Mavis ate the book whole, and I just watched her, eyes wide. She gave me a look that said 'I know what you're thinking' and then burped out a single page of the Fat Controller's diary. The page said 'Eggs for breakfast, eggs for lunch, eggs for tea. Perchance is Toby made of eggs for me?' #EggsNine

Thomas and his friends decorate the sheds with coal ornaments and a giant picture of Percy, dearly missed. James hangs up mistletoe in hopes that he can finally get a kiss from himself. Fat Controller looks on with pride at his festive flock of engines as the sirens howl. #TobyTheXMenOCEngine

Father Christmas is real, but he only comes for Thomas and his friends. He brings them coal, which they put to one side for a cold winter's night. "God bless us," says Percy, not believing in god at all. #BelieveInJamesWhoBelievesInYou

Father Christmas isn't coming this year. He's stuck in a siding with Diesel, discussing the decline of festive spirit and how Thomas has been too naughty for words. James, in his shed, dreams of coal and sparkling presents for James to eat. #JamesDeservesMore #NoHeDoesntJames

The Murdoch saw Christmas, first and last. The fat man had wanted it gone, but the world-engine balked; it would protect Christmas, and give it to the world, a gift to humans on this coldest night. Thomas thought this was a terrible idea, but nobody listened to Thomas. #MurdochMondays

Thomas was at the Christmas tree, talking to everyone. "I am Thomas," he said proudly, and drank his tea with a noise like an ocean wave crashing against rocks. #murderpatrol

It's Christmas time on Sodor. Toby sings quiet carols, Percy giggles like a gremlin, and James boasts about being the best present of all. The Fat Controller bellows for buttered buns as the engines roll him in wrapping paper! #Ruination #Spoilation

Trapping Thomas is harder than you'd think. The trap I use is a little diorama of Percy and Mavis, with a glass of sherry on a table between them. Thomas will be drawn to the scene, and his greed will get the better of him! #HeKnowsItsATrap #ThatWontStopThomas #SherryForChristmas

The Fat Controller had been stealing passengers' hats for weeks. Now, he was ready to unveil his latest masterpiece: Hat-Hill. It would tower over the engines and provide a comfortable seat from which to shout at Thomas all day long. #HatSchemesSaturday #ValidBakingIngredients

Mavis and Thomas had been planning this for weeks. They met in the old shed by the quarry, where nobody could hear them talk about all of #life's #little #problems. "Thomas" said Mavis, "I don't think you're really a train at all."

Look, I didn't choose this cake, you did. And you're going to burn for it, kid. #CoalForTheCoalGod #BurnBabyBurn #Tupperware

Copper is a vital ingredient in any engine cake. So vital, in fact, that I've run out! Please donate any copper you have lying around your house, and I'll use it to make you a cake like no other. You'll be able to taste The Fear in every bite. #CopperCakeCrisis2025 #TheCoppersAreComingForMe