Free cheeseburgers not good enough for some it seems?…

Cops using their sirens at 1:30 am can fuck right off. Just go to the place where the problem is and shut the fuck up about it you attention seeking whores.

Why does nobody ever post a photo of the greatest grilled cheese ever made but it’s not cut in half? Sometimes I feel like I’m the only sane person on this entire stupid fucking planet.

Post a random photo from your photos roll that you have zero idea why it’s in there…

If you see this, post your coolest chick ever.

Film you’ve watched more than six times with a gif.

Film you’ve watched more than six times with a gif.

Best mates. #Vespa

So I guess even “third time lucky” isn’t a thing on this timeline 🤷🏻‍♀️

Penis all veiny, ya? #BodyPartsInAGeographicalPlace #SayItQuickly

Vagina #BodyPartsInAGeographicalPlace

The Grand Bunyon #BodyPartsInAGeographicalPlace

Torontoe #BodyPartsInAGeographicalPlace

The Ballad Of Pong And Yucko #ASongOrMovieForSenseOfSmell

What does that person that gets 5+ likes on their posts got that I don’t?

That weird twilight zone when my British pals are waking up and my North American buds are drifting off to bed and as I’m still awake I’ve got to adjust my jokes from fart jokes to…well …just…the same fart jokes with a “fook” and a “cunt” thrown in to separate the two cultures of my fanbase

Dumber than a Canadian on a roundabout.

Thank you for your attention to this mattress* *he wishes

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Donny’s Inferno.

The greatest and shittest ever photo all at the same time. Bravo Sleepy Don and your gang of cocksucking dickbags.

You say soap that smells of marzipan, I say customer for life

Ladies: if he shaves his pubes, he’s cheating on you.

Some Velvet Morning Breath

I’ve always wondered how rabbis view gender politics, seeing as they have no foreskin in the game.

Paint A Vulgar Pig-ture #PorkInASongOrMovie

🎶Schnitzel Too Beautiful🎶 #PorkInASongOrMovie

Bacon The Chain Gang #PorkInASongOrMovie

Bacon The USSR #PorkInASongOrMovie

Everybody’s Got Something To Hide Except For Me And My Spam Key #PorkInASongOrMovie

Didn’t we just do this? #PorkInASongOrMovie Hog Day

Million things to do today and I can’t for the life of me decide which one to not do first.

Who wore it best?

Plan for tonight: box of wine + go through my drafts folder. I’d mute me if I were you. #YouveBeenWarned

Besties

Monday feeling vs Friday feeling.

Ouch?

Tried to fry an egg Broke the yolk no joke

Why am I always the only one who leaves the dance floor when the dude in Salt n Peppa says "this dance ain't for everybody-only the sexy people"? People are so deluded.

"if you see this post your favorite pokemon" Wrong answers only

Dresser You Up #ASongOrMovieForBedroomArticles

Duvet Know It’s Christmas #ASongOrMovieForBedroomArticles

Nightstand By Me #ASongOrMovieForBedroomArticles