"We thought Donald Trump had finally launched an invasion of Iran, but it turned out just to be a group of starving Marines from the USS Tripoli, scouring the shores of Kharg Island in search of something to eat."

If God's so firmly on the American side, why do they need all those F-35s and AGM-88s? They should have been able to achieve the same results with a flight of Cessnas dropping rocks out the windows. P.S. Sorry to the 13 American servicepeople who died; turns out God doesn't like you very much.

It was clear that Netanyahu's goal was never to defang Hamas, but to render Gaza uninhabitable so the Palestinians would be driven off their land. Similarly, the US-Israeli goal in Iran is not regime change or nuclear disarmament, but the reduction of a prosperous country to a failed state. 1/

Let me know when they announce the kind of lid that you can nail down.

A Republican spokesperson, reached for comment, replied "Ve do Nazi de problem."

"You can't rush these things. We've got a whole bunch of war crimes that we haven't even got to yet. We'll stop when we've finished the president's atrocity bucket list, not before."

Now that Cherfilus-McCormick has been found guilty of ethics violations, maybe we can turn our attention to a certain president whose wealth has mysteriously increased by $5bn in the last year. www.politico.com/news/2026/03...

If I were an Iranian whose entire family had been blown up so that Trump's friends and family could make money speculating on shifts in oil prices, I'd probably be pretty angry.

Trump's constant demand for public praise is tactical. It's his way of making sure that his minions haven't somehow acquired any kind of integrity since the last time he spoke to them.

POTUS is an acronym that presently stands for Piece Of Total Utter Shit.

"People who consume only media that says the war's going great say that the war's going great."

"So, we're taking the sanctions off Iran … who we're currently at war with … and Russia … who we sanctioned because they're at war with a friendly nation that we're supplying with arms." "Got it. What about the tariffs on our allies and traditional trading partners?" "Oh, those stay on."

"We're pleased to say that the poorly-considered war that we launched so our half-witted president could feel tough is causing foreigners lots of pain. And if some of you are suffering, don't you feel better knowing that those creepy overseas people have it worse? I know I do."

Turns out that killing schoolchildren is surprisingly expensive.

If you're mad about Donald Trump wearing a promotional ballcap as the bodies of four people who died in his war were returned to the USA, just remember that his hairstyle probably cost more than any of the dead soldiers earned in a year, so he's not going to let the wind just mess it all up for him.

"Non-consensually inserting your digits into other people's orifices is one of the principal activities of Homeland Security," an HHS spokesperson said today, "which makes Sen. Mullin a natural choice for Secretary. You might say that he embodies the finest traditions of the Department."

Congratulations to a Kuwaiti F/A-18 pilot for finally resolving the argument between F/A-18 stans and F-15E stans about which is the better warplane. (Joking aside, I'm glad to see all 6 F-15 crewmembers made it out alive, which is an impressive level of survivability; must be a tough airframe).

With all due respect, these people sound like "President Trump has been chosen by Dumbledore to find the Golden Snitch & pave the way for the return of Harry Potter!" It's great you've found a way to include your imaginary friend in all this, but these are real bombs you're dropping on real people.

Pete Hegseth's eventual war crimes trial is just going to consist of the prosecution playing an endless sequence of recorded soundbites and then breaking for lunch.

If there was any question about Pete Hegseth being a complete psychopath, the gloating way he announced that the US has just slaughtered a hundred and fifty Iranian sailors should remove all doubt.

Not a problem, because by the time the Correspondents' Dinner rolls around, the media will be entirely owned by the same people who backed Trump's campaigns and who are now enjoying the return on their investment. Journalists can't be enemies of the state if the state owns all the journalists.

Somewhere, a lawyer who suspects that he may one day be asked to defend Hegseth on charges of sanctioning war crimes is sweating profusely and pounding his head on his desk.

Air defenses in Kuwait took out 3 US F-15 jets. F-15s cost around $94M each & Patriot missiles cost $4-7M each, so that's about $300M pissed up the wall in a single friendly-fire incident. So, no, you can't have schools or healthcare, but on the plus side, Donald Trump feels very big and strong.

Has anyone asked Mike Johnson if he knows there's a war going on yet?

The US has come a long way from the days when we justified attacking other countries with flimsy pretexts and transparent lies. Now we can hardly even be bothered to lie about it before we launch an attack.

If ICE targets "the worst of the worst", why aren't they rounding up Donald Trump and his cabinet?

Do we know if the "staffer" who posted the racist video of the Obamas on Donald Trump's Truth Social account was named John Barron?

Wait for it … "The dog should just have complied."

The Epstein Files is like a Who's Who of the sex pests of America.

I think what happened is that someone said "Chuck, Hakeem, could you possibly be any more of a disappointment?" and they took it as a challenge.

Behold – Leibstandarte Dad-olf Hitler

Even though this guy is apparently "the leader of Antifa", he's not the one you should write to if you didn't get your check from George Soros. That's handled by the Antifa accounts payable department, and DHS hasn't yet revealed who's in charge of that.

The list of people who had legitimate reasons for wanting Epstein dead just got even longer. Based on this, we can probably rule out the idea of suicide once and for all, but narrowing down the pool of suspects might well prove to be impossible.

This is your final notice that your poor, your tired, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free are required to self-deport no later than 02/26, or face arrest, detention and possible severe penalties.

The fact that Brett Rattner was chosen to direct the "Melania" move confirms that Donald Trump is a firm believer in the old adage that you should keep your friends close, and your fellow sex offenders closer.

A reminder that it is contrary to international law to use tear gas in warfare, but its use against union members and their children is perfectly legal and, apparently, approved by this administration.

Speaking of which, whatever happened to that guy Donald J. Trump who kept promising that he was going to release his tax returns? Does anyone know if he ever did that?

Overthrowing the government by farce. www.closertotheedge.net/p/the-dildo-...

Does anyone have any thoughts on how the US ought to celebrate the 250th anniversary of Americans freeing themselves from the tyranny of a corrupt and unaccountable ruler?

Lord, I have seen what you have done for others.

This, incidentally, is why I've always laughed out loud whenever the right claims that "the Democrats rigged the elections". Have you MET the Democrats? Bouie is right that the Trump administration is at least as inept. That doesn't mean they'll accept election results that go against them, tho'.

"appears to contradict" is the way the quality media say "are lying through their fucking teeth yet again"

The government has taken its campaign against healthcare in the United States to a new level. Apparently simply filling key positions at HHS with cranks and quacks wasn't yielding the results they wanted, so they've now switched to murdering individual nurses in the streets.

If you live in a country where masked government hit squads are murdering people on the streets, while woman and children are screaming to be freed from concentration camps, you are not living in a free country. Simple as that.

If anyone needs a quick summary of today's news, here it is: A man was publicly attacked, beaten, and murdered by a group of masked government employees, who then fled the scene. Government officials then lied to protect their employees. If you feel that this is unacceptable, you should say so.

If someone lies about a murder, it's usually because they were either the murderer or accessories to the crime.

I truly marvel that Trump has reached the age of seventy-nine without somebody bayoneting him. Never mind everything else he's done in the eight decades that he's blighted the Earth, you'd think his sheer personal obnoxiousness would have inspired thoughts of homicide in everyone who ever met him.

We should lighten up on this whole Trump Greenland business. After all, we've had far-right populist demagogues who started unilaterally annexing the territory of other states before, and it never led to anything bad. What's a little Anschluß between friends?

C'mon, hamberders, do your job.

More than the Constitution, we need consequences. We're here because Donald Trump has never experienced consequences for ANYTHING. If we are to survive, there must be consequences for EVERYTHING: Trump's open criminality, Republican complicity, ICE's brutality, the Democrats' utter ineffectuality.