This is body goals for 2026.

Someone is a bit sleepy

Friend: "Danny, why are you still single?" Me: <gestures at everyone> Friend: "oh, yeah. I get it."

I need this cockring... its a big version of my actual ring-ring!

My work recently advertised for 3 jobs, and had 200 applicants. I've just seen some workmates complaining about how they hate their jobs and the bosses on social media, and all I can think is "if you hate it SO much, stand aside and let someone who wants that job take your place." Am I wrong?

Quote this post with you best briefs pics pls and thanku x

Civilisations: Rise and Fall on BBC iPlayer. I came for the stories, I stayed for Dr Luke Kemp. I also learnt stuff along the way which was fascinating!

That'll teach me for driving 2 and a half hours without a pee break... got home, ran upstairs to the toilet, slipped... partial dislocation of the shoulder 😂😂

Me: "dad, what would you like for Christmas?" Dad: "I don't want anything, except to know that you're happy!" Me: "... ok no, so how about a new vacuum?"

#tummytuesday!

A load of college kids on the bus, and one just said "2005? Nah mate I wasn't born till 2007, I'm only 18!" And my mouth dropped... 2005 was only 2 years ago, surely?! Not 20?? 20?! Fuck i'm so old!

Everything reminds me of him...

Well, I stood up earlier and clicked my neck... so...

All I would like RIGHT NOW is someone (or some people) to come over, get in bed with me, and cuddle all night. And if it slips in, it slips in.

"999, what's your emergency?" "Uh..."

I'm starting an Only Fans account. But its just me, dressed up as your dad, telling you "I'm proud of you." £7.99 a month. Sounds good?

Oh yes. Yes.

How big are you? 5ft 8 (173cm) 200lbs (90.1kg)

White bits!

Here's the proof it IS a jock haha

New jock, baby!

And THIS is how you lose any hope of getting into my pants.

Oops forgot to post another outfit 😂😂

Another night, another outfit

I've had worse Wednesdays I guess

Me: "i need an early night, im so tired" Also me: <in a karaoke bar, doing shots, spanking a guy in an amazing outfit, kissing random guys, gets in at 2:45> "Yep. Early night."

Checked into my holiday apartment in Gran Canaria for #WinterPride. Already fallen in love with the pretty Canarian twink who checked me in. Now... I need a nap.

Spent an hour pampering myself, trimming, scrubbing... and i look no different. About right.

Family asked me about... 193 times if I was still single.

Well, got a surprise visit from a friend who saw my snap and said he'd come to suck me off for national red head day then left! I mean... yeah! 😂😂😂

As it says.

I'm an adult. I have a problem, and need to go to the doctors. But that means actually ringing the doctors. So looks like i'm gonna die.

So... hes holding people's lives hostage?

Just fisted a ventriloquist. Just to see how he fucking likes it.

I just got a DM saying I'm a "posh snobby cunt" for saying I have a drinks cabinet. Boo fucking hoo, I love it.

Shit bastard week, but home from Glasgow now and time to start parking for Gran canaria next week. WINTER PRIDE BABY!

WAKE UP, SLUTS!! It's time to sin...

QUESTION! Anyone heading to Gran Canaria in a couple of weeks for #WinterPride ?

Im fat. I have a cock. Its Friday. Its #fcf #fatcockfriday

I have such a crush on this guy...

Sat in a cafe for lunch, and a guy on a table not far away decided to belch REALLY loud (my boots rattled) and then, loudly, ring someone (his mother, I think?) and say "OH finally off the shitter, are you?" The looks of disgust from me and all other patrons didnt even register. Vile creature.

Me right now watching #celebritytraitors with that damn cliff hanger!!

Ohmygod i just found some old tiktok videos i did during lockdown!

My night: clothes off. Fire on. Netflix.

Post a picture of you and your child(ren)

Friends: "Do you want to do 'X'?" Me: "no." Friends: "what about 'Y'?" Me: "no." Friends: "okay, so... 'Z'?" Me: "listen, I was a cesarean section baby. I didn't want to come out then and I don't want to go out now."