Shooting people is only cool in movies. Anyone who does it in real life is a cunt. Murder is the same as Keanu Reeve’s trench coat and leather boots

Netflix pitch: Sexy people solving murders or doing them

What a cunt

Fuck you The Lottery #AItalkedmeoutofit

The English actors in Squid Game were all also in an anti-smoking school assembly together

Ready to see the “Canada is better than America now” global parades

Happy Birthday Trump you cunt

Fans of anything are the worst

My 8k pay rise amounts to 3k after the government has stuck their filthy hands in my pocket. So I get to spend that extra 250 a month on my jacked up rent and council tax. Unrelated: get ready for my new OnlyFans account

Coke Zero is like drinking a ghost

You’re allowed to change your assertions after 9 years, just don’t you dare change your headshot

My bellybutton is where I keep my emergency grape

If you “run on coffee” that’s more impressive though less useful than walking on water

Everyone is terrible and we all know it

Is there a budgeting app that won’t make me PAY for the best money saving advice? Serious question that shouldn’t be a question.

Ok thanks

My laptop is filthy, just check its browser history

Anonymous trying to stop Co-op making better bread than Waitrose

48 years ago today, Kal Penn and John Cena were both born. Makes you think

Dead bored

He is risen

The Aston Villa manager looks like the dark dimension’s Alan Partridge

Anyone who’s been complaining about the White Lotus season 3 theme hasn’t listened to the extended version. I did say it would be tune of the year.

Fill me once That’s the Suff Fill me twice Double stuffed.

Who up Triumphin’ they Will?

quote post you from a different era, or else.

Firsyoo get de monee, denyoo get de powuh, denyoo get de incel cheerleaders

Yesterday was tarrific

I hopo no dios

The internet is well shit

Fools Day? My culture is not your costume

In my own fan-fiction, “Thrusty” is the most problematic of the dwarves

Cocaine so white it’s the only thing I do

Finally someone is checking the recent rise in misrepresentations of my fellow clowns. Thanks @meiselasb.bsky.social

No one seems worried that this race might go to Marv after he got electrocuted in Home Alone 2

No fate but what Wii make

Help step-brother, I’m stuck

My mum says I’m cool

New phone who dis?

Pos non-real who def no-vax Kid Vid of Burger King Kids Club

If I knew Steven Seagal, I would probably bully him. I wouldn’t be proud of it but we do what we have to

Sincere skeet: Adolescence on Netflix is a must see. I cried like a baby twice and literally can’t stop thinking about it

We know he was fucking ugly. The real conspiracy is why wasn’t he in a zoo.

Sorry that’s just the sound it makes when I push

On a video of Sam Harris vs Jordan Peterson talkin bout God and all his stuff

Everything, really does, happen so much

See this, post vampr

Cuck Schumer Anyone made that joke yet?

Honestly had a dream last night that Daredevil cut his dick off to reclaim his catholic purity