Draining the lizard

type of guy who would steal the bodega cat

decriminalize sex work, outlaw whatever the fuck this is

I love when I text my wife something like “One Billion Dollars” and Apple Pay helpfully offers to send it

James Watson has great jeans

Is a banana actually $10 yet?

Every paragraph just gets worse

Grillz (2005)

Release the Jared Files

Boomers love to throw in a jazzy “and many more” after singing happy birthday

That dumb little wave we make at cars for the honor of not killing us

In this Econolodge?

“third place” just means the mall

If you’re not listening to the Ozzyathon on KEXP what are you even doing

Damn right I’m on PrEP Pleasuring my wife Regularly E P

Favorite –genics? 🔘 eu 🔘 cryo 🔘 trans 🔘 hallucino

Tax, regulate, and criminalize men’s cologne

What is the right number of kisses for a cat’s forehead and why is it 50

The turntable was the theremin of the early ‘00s

Tax generative AI

“peanut butter spread” fuck you

Why do we call it “fishing” and not “fish hunting”

Right of way always goes to the dented ass Prius with nothing left to lose

You want to go for a walk? In this economy? ha ha ha we have fun

Raw dogging jet lag

Started corset training AMA

Married couples who use heroin together. What’s it like? Is it more “#SoBlessed to have found my person” or do you look around the house and say “damn okay so we’re the sketchy people”. No judgment I just want to know

In a Zune meeting

90s usernames were like nycyogababe for women and dkr1972 for men

Oh I get it. Web seminar.

CIRCUMCISION IS PENIS TARIFF

“The golden age of America” is this generation’s Mission Accomplished banner

do you think sam and frodo had to drink their piss

feeling ruthless today

At the age of [redacted] I just got boosters for measles and chickenpox yesterday because my immunity waned and shit is getting medieval

QUAKE!

I just checked the news and it’s horrible

Can the CIA just fix this

Why do all boomers hate their spouses

Piss tsunami

Property Tax Brothers

Doing the opposite of a murder-sui (hanging out and just being bros) with my dog

Just got ratioed for my LinkedIn post “Remote work would have stopped 9/11” :(

We did it Joe

Was just thinking about how “die in a fire” was the ultimate forum burn in the 2000s